A tough night and a call for help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 301
A tough night and a call for help
Hey everyone
So I've had a rough few days. Today my issue has been I've had to deal with people arguing about the amount they would get in my brothers will.
And I've tried, man how I've tried to understand, that these people have families and I understand that money just isn't money it is security, and it's houses and it's bills and it's food. I understand that.
But none of these people are exactly starving.
They're all middle-class, reasonably well off people.
So I'm angry.
I'm angry that they would put somebody's life in a monetary value and seem to care more about that money than the life of the person that died.
Yeah, it's flared my av voice up.
It's telling me to drink, that even if I drink I still won't be as bad as those people. I won't listen, but I won't deny It's tough.
Just a call out to my fellow troops in the trenches, that you guys are there, that you understand, that sometimes things suck, but that's ok because we have each other and if we can get through tonight we can get through tomorrow.
No relapse, no surrender.
Tom.
So I've had a rough few days. Today my issue has been I've had to deal with people arguing about the amount they would get in my brothers will.
And I've tried, man how I've tried to understand, that these people have families and I understand that money just isn't money it is security, and it's houses and it's bills and it's food. I understand that.
But none of these people are exactly starving.
They're all middle-class, reasonably well off people.
So I'm angry.
I'm angry that they would put somebody's life in a monetary value and seem to care more about that money than the life of the person that died.
Yeah, it's flared my av voice up.
It's telling me to drink, that even if I drink I still won't be as bad as those people. I won't listen, but I won't deny It's tough.
Just a call out to my fellow troops in the trenches, that you guys are there, that you understand, that sometimes things suck, but that's ok because we have each other and if we can get through tonight we can get through tomorrow.
No relapse, no surrender.
Tom.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,378
Like I said to someone else this week people grieve in different ways Thomas - for some people it's too hard to focus on the loss so they focus on things instead.
Thats the intellectualising reasonable view...but yeah, it upsets me too - locusts is a word I've used before - so I absent myself from all that.
Maybe you should consider that too?
D
Thats the intellectualising reasonable view...but yeah, it upsets me too - locusts is a word I've used before - so I absent myself from all that.
Maybe you should consider that too?
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,009
Rise above it, Tom ! Let them have their squabbles and greed, they are only demeaning themselves. It doesn't impact how you feel and remember your brother which is most important. I would think of it as white noise to be ignored. Your av is trying to find an excuse, ignore it as well. Maybe try and take a break away from the madding crowd and go somewhere peaceful.
Stay strong Tom ! We've got you !
Stay strong Tom ! We've got you !
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Thomas, Definatly there in the trenches with you your not alone
Your av will use anything so stay strong and yes that sucks sometimes but at least we are here able to talk like this and get through it together
Im sorry this is happening this happened when my mother died close to 5 years ago
Your av will use anything so stay strong and yes that sucks sometimes but at least we are here able to talk like this and get through it together
Im sorry this is happening this happened when my mother died close to 5 years ago
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Originally Posted by Thomasthetank 
The only thing I know for sure is that drinking will not make this situation better.
You've got support here. Come here any time. 
Living Sober
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 555
Hey Thomasthetank,
I saw some that myself when my mother passed away. It almost appeared as if my brother was was more concerned with his slice of the pie, than the passing of our mother. Although I never said anything, it changed things between us forever. To be honest, his actions disgusted me.
I'll second that!
I saw some that myself when my mother passed away. It almost appeared as if my brother was was more concerned with his slice of the pie, than the passing of our mother. Although I never said anything, it changed things between us forever. To be honest, his actions disgusted me.
No relapse, no surrender
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
I am in agreement with many previous voices - if the connective quality of this gathering is done and it has spiraled out into greed and division, there is absolutely nothing wrong with fleeing the scene. You made your appearance and were present with your family to share the experience of loss. Your own grief and closing of the relationship will be equally served out under a tree somewhere, far far away from the chaos place. Nature heals.
You don't need to understand why they are acting this way, and nor do you have to referee. You can leave now if that is what is best for you.
Reading your recent posts, I sense your growing exhaustion. Tired and angry is a dangerous place to stay.
Your brother likely would most care about your sobriety right now (if he is witnessing this frenzy).
Flee!, T-the-T, if that is what this requires.
You don't need to understand why they are acting this way, and nor do you have to referee. You can leave now if that is what is best for you.
Reading your recent posts, I sense your growing exhaustion. Tired and angry is a dangerous place to stay.
Your brother likely would most care about your sobriety right now (if he is witnessing this frenzy).
Flee!, T-the-T, if that is what this requires.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 301
Originally Posted by heartcore
Tired and angry is a dangerous place to stay.
Your brother likely would most care about your sobriety right now (if he is witnessing this frenzy).
Flee!, T-the-T, if that is what this requires.
Your brother likely would most care about your sobriety right now (if he is witnessing this frenzy).
Flee!, T-the-T, if that is what this requires.
It's strange, to deal with these situations I try to imagine what my brother would have done.
I think what he would have done, is let them live their life in this shallow way and understand that money will not make them happy. They will defeat themselves. Ten pounds or a million pounds, it won't be enough. They're filling the void with the wrong thing.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
You can't control what they do but you can control your actions. Make sure you keep your side of the street clean by holding yourself to a higher moral standard.
You will never be sorry you did.
You will never be sorry you did.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Your fellow troops in the trenches are with you, Tom. What a painful time you've had. My thoughts stay with you and the loving memory in which you hold your brother.
I struggled over whether to say anything to you in response to your post. After all, I am not there and do not know your family.
My dad died, very unexpectedly, at the start of summer. Over the past six weeks, we -- my mother, my sole sibling and I -- made some decisions that have financial implications. I thought we were all on the same page.
Now, I learn my sibling thinks I have pushed my mother into a decision, possibly motivated by money -- hard to know but it seems to be "in the air." I don't know the reason for sure because nothing has been said directly to me. Nothing -- and I mean nothing -- could be further from the truth. My sibling treats me stonily, ice cold. It hurts me deeply and makes me feel very alone.
Resentments connected to the financial considerations that follow death can wound. I'm certainly on the receiving end of that right now. And I don't know when it's going to get better.
It may be that your family members are masking their grief with attention to practical matters at hand. Again, I don't know. But I do encourage you not to let this become an emotion that overshadows everything else and builds a wall between you and your family. In a time of pain and sorrow, it doesn't help.
My thoughts are with you. Take good care, Tom.
I struggled over whether to say anything to you in response to your post. After all, I am not there and do not know your family.
My dad died, very unexpectedly, at the start of summer. Over the past six weeks, we -- my mother, my sole sibling and I -- made some decisions that have financial implications. I thought we were all on the same page.
Now, I learn my sibling thinks I have pushed my mother into a decision, possibly motivated by money -- hard to know but it seems to be "in the air." I don't know the reason for sure because nothing has been said directly to me. Nothing -- and I mean nothing -- could be further from the truth. My sibling treats me stonily, ice cold. It hurts me deeply and makes me feel very alone.
Resentments connected to the financial considerations that follow death can wound. I'm certainly on the receiving end of that right now. And I don't know when it's going to get better.
It may be that your family members are masking their grief with attention to practical matters at hand. Again, I don't know. But I do encourage you not to let this become an emotion that overshadows everything else and builds a wall between you and your family. In a time of pain and sorrow, it doesn't help.
My thoughts are with you. Take good care, Tom.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
