relapsing
You can win this fight. Don't let the addict dictate to your rational mind. Stop drinking now and start over again. It doesn't matter if you fall down, as long as you get back up.
For me, acceptance was what made the difference. Acceptance of the simple fact that I cannot drink at all, ever...and being ok with that. I fought with countless different moderation plans and tried to continually convince myself that "this time" I would only have one or two, but it never worked. When you simply accept that drinking is not an option, there is nothing to fight.
I used to think like this. I had 54 days...drank for 2...Disaster followed.
I stopped again for 30 days...drank for 2...Ended up in the HOSPITAL this time.
Now AGAIN I've stopped for 22 days this time.
Those days aren't GONE. They are days I've lived and enjoy sober.
I lived them. They happened. The other days of drinking don't ERASE them.
Your 46 days aren't GONE. You can learn/build from them. What happened to cause you to drink today? What type of thoughts did you have? Was there any resistance/thought of reaching out before the action?
Don't give up!
I stopped again for 30 days...drank for 2...Ended up in the HOSPITAL this time.
Now AGAIN I've stopped for 22 days this time.
Those days aren't GONE. They are days I've lived and enjoy sober.
I lived them. They happened. The other days of drinking don't ERASE them.
Your 46 days aren't GONE. You can learn/build from them. What happened to cause you to drink today? What type of thoughts did you have? Was there any resistance/thought of reaching out before the action?
Don't give up!
One thing that has really helped me identifying triggers and guarding against relapses are the worksheets on SMARTrecovery. There ARE absolutely specific thoughts and circumstances that lead to relapse but it can take some work to identify them.
AA might be another helpful tool for you, have you tried that route?
Getting and staying sober is HARD WORK. I know you can do this!
PS, don't forget to congratulate yourself big time for your 46 days! They're not "gone", you did that and you should take credit for it. Focus on that instead of your relapse. You KNOW you can do it again, and more.
Anyone (which means you too!) can achieve sobriety If they want it enough and take the necessary action.
2-3 meetings a week for a family man seems quite reasonable, as long as it is understood that meetings alone don't always bring about recovery. Maybe some action on the steps would make a difference.
Do you have a sponsor? Are you earnestly working steps? I'm not an regular AA person, but with any plan the bulk of the responsibility lies with us to make sure we are doing everyting we can. Don't answer here, but ask yourself if you are doing everything you can to succeed at sobriety,
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