Can chronic relapsers recover
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 809
Can chronic relapsers recover
Hey guys. I’m feeling pretty scared and like the future is bleak at this moment. I’m really hoping that there are some other people on here who can help me feel a little bit of hope today. These are the thoughts that are plaguing me lately:
You know how, growing up, before you do something bad, like use drugs, or drink and drive, or whatever, it is super scary at first. You’ve heard the warning labels and they scare you away from doing it, maybe, for a while, or maybe forever.
But once we cross that line, and do that new thing, the way we think about it changes it. Even if just a bit, at first. It becomes a little more acceptable. Hey – we did it, and we came out the other side. That new drug we had never done is now just acceptable as the rest of them. That crime we have now committed is now a little less crazy then we once thought it was.
Maybe that’s an alcoholic thinking, maybe it’s not. But this has the way it’s always been for me. And it seems once I cross that line – whatever it may be – it’s impossible to completely “uncross” that line. That thing/drug/whatever it was that I have now been involved in, is no longer as scary as it once was, and our brain is almost preconditioned to do it again and again. Is this making any sense???
Now here is my fear.
I’ve been in and out of treatment centres and AA for the last 6 years. Way more relapses than I can count. Am I proud of this or something? Absolutely not. I’m disgustingly ashamed by it, but it’s the truth.
I’ve relapsed after a few hours, days, weeks sober. And I’ve relapsed after some half decent long term sobriety. Relapse relapse relapse, that is my story.
I’m scared that I have now crossed the line of relapse, again and again, so many times, that the fear which once came along with it is now gone. It’s like my disease – my brain – my addiction – whatever, now feels some level of comfort and acceptableness in relapse. It’s no longer as scary as it once was, and I can never “uncross” that line again and make it this big scary thing that I stay away from forever.
It’s obvious from my relapses that one day it’s going to kill me, and logically I understand that. Whether that comes by my own hand, or a drunk driving accident, or a drug overdose, it’s absolutely going to happen one day, no question. But somehow that absolute fear of relapse just doesn’t stick around like it did the very first time I tried this program. I feel like other people who stay sober for years and “get it” the first time have something that I just don’t have.
So to sum it up – my question. Has anyone ever relapsed for a long time and then managed to find long term sobriety by “keeping at it”? What changes in your life did you have to make? Was it just a new level of desperation or a new bottom? Did you have to go to treatment? A meeting every single day for 90 days? What finally did it?
Or am I seriously, ultimately, a lost cause now. Because deep down I’m terrified that my thoughts and fears around this are true, and I’m out of luck.
You know how, growing up, before you do something bad, like use drugs, or drink and drive, or whatever, it is super scary at first. You’ve heard the warning labels and they scare you away from doing it, maybe, for a while, or maybe forever.
But once we cross that line, and do that new thing, the way we think about it changes it. Even if just a bit, at first. It becomes a little more acceptable. Hey – we did it, and we came out the other side. That new drug we had never done is now just acceptable as the rest of them. That crime we have now committed is now a little less crazy then we once thought it was.
Maybe that’s an alcoholic thinking, maybe it’s not. But this has the way it’s always been for me. And it seems once I cross that line – whatever it may be – it’s impossible to completely “uncross” that line. That thing/drug/whatever it was that I have now been involved in, is no longer as scary as it once was, and our brain is almost preconditioned to do it again and again. Is this making any sense???
Now here is my fear.
I’ve been in and out of treatment centres and AA for the last 6 years. Way more relapses than I can count. Am I proud of this or something? Absolutely not. I’m disgustingly ashamed by it, but it’s the truth.
I’ve relapsed after a few hours, days, weeks sober. And I’ve relapsed after some half decent long term sobriety. Relapse relapse relapse, that is my story.
I’m scared that I have now crossed the line of relapse, again and again, so many times, that the fear which once came along with it is now gone. It’s like my disease – my brain – my addiction – whatever, now feels some level of comfort and acceptableness in relapse. It’s no longer as scary as it once was, and I can never “uncross” that line again and make it this big scary thing that I stay away from forever.
It’s obvious from my relapses that one day it’s going to kill me, and logically I understand that. Whether that comes by my own hand, or a drunk driving accident, or a drug overdose, it’s absolutely going to happen one day, no question. But somehow that absolute fear of relapse just doesn’t stick around like it did the very first time I tried this program. I feel like other people who stay sober for years and “get it” the first time have something that I just don’t have.
So to sum it up – my question. Has anyone ever relapsed for a long time and then managed to find long term sobriety by “keeping at it”? What changes in your life did you have to make? Was it just a new level of desperation or a new bottom? Did you have to go to treatment? A meeting every single day for 90 days? What finally did it?
Or am I seriously, ultimately, a lost cause now. Because deep down I’m terrified that my thoughts and fears around this are true, and I’m out of luck.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 13
I don't think you're a lost cause. How many times have you heard the phrase "if I can do it, anyone can do it"? You just need to stick with it and remain focused. If the AA meetings you were going to were helping, then just continue going to them every day. There is always a way.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I believe that a person can wake up at anytime and it to be "enough".
I truly believe that...no matter how many stumbles and wrong turns we have taken.
Fear of relapse doesn't keep one sober.
Wanting sobriety...authenticity...a better, different life seems to feel like the winning notion to me.
I truly believe that...no matter how many stumbles and wrong turns we have taken.
Fear of relapse doesn't keep one sober.
Wanting sobriety...authenticity...a better, different life seems to feel like the winning notion to me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 301
I absolutely think so. In fact, from what I've read here most of us have tried to quit numerous times before it sticks. I think the trick is figuring out where you fell down last time.
For me it's knowing my limits. If I get too stressed, I'll drink. So I need to give up certain things... like working every hour under the sun.
Or knowing that if I'm around drinkers, I'll drink.
Everybody's different. I believe everybody can get sober if deep down they want it.
Maybe I'm just an optimist, but there's worse things to be.
For me it's knowing my limits. If I get too stressed, I'll drink. So I need to give up certain things... like working every hour under the sun.
Or knowing that if I'm around drinkers, I'll drink.
Everybody's different. I believe everybody can get sober if deep down they want it.
Maybe I'm just an optimist, but there's worse things to be.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
I was 4 years sober on Wednesday.
I read some old journalling that I did in 2004. February.
I talked about how the last ten years were a downward spiral.
So, that would be 20 years.
Then I was counting days.
I didn't discover AA until 2006, but I was trying to quit in 2004.
I quit for 2 years with AA and then stopped going to meetings.
I was "cured".
Then, my friend got herself escorted out of work and fired. Lost her licence.
I was so bewildered and scared and angry. (Very long story).
I broke anonymity with a co-worker to help my friend.
That co-worker became my boss.
I felt vulnerable and exposed and had no support.
I then relapsed and drank from Memorial weekend 2009 to Oct 2010.
I found it very hard to quit the second time around.
I am also ACOA and have been diagnosed with PTSD, OCD and major depression.
I took antidepressants and quit them because of a bully in AA that I got involved with.
I say that, but I am now perfectly free to take them but choose not to.
The reasons I drank are numerous.
Alcoholism runs in the family as well as depression.
I remember being upset that my family were not supportive.
Now, I feel more secure in my sobriety because I believe in me and a HP.
You would be amused at my prayers.
I pray to my childhood God, Mother Earth, Deceased friends and relatives, the universe.
I now go to AA for friendship, fellowship and to help others.
This week was very difficult as a former short term sponsor is in the throws of a major relapse. I got a bit to close to the flames and had to step back.
You are only a couple of days after a relapse, so I don't want to bore you to death.
To answer your question, yes, I believe you can become sober and stay that way.
But, it is hard work and NO_ONE can do the hard part for you.
Hop over to the friends and family section to know that None of us would be here if love could get us sober.
My advice?
Go to meetings.
Pack them in.
Do not make any big decisions.
Be careful who you associate with in the meetings.
Our judgement in people is bad at the beginning.
I am still learning.
I read some old journalling that I did in 2004. February.
I talked about how the last ten years were a downward spiral.
So, that would be 20 years.
Then I was counting days.
I didn't discover AA until 2006, but I was trying to quit in 2004.
I quit for 2 years with AA and then stopped going to meetings.
I was "cured".
Then, my friend got herself escorted out of work and fired. Lost her licence.
I was so bewildered and scared and angry. (Very long story).
I broke anonymity with a co-worker to help my friend.
That co-worker became my boss.
I felt vulnerable and exposed and had no support.
I then relapsed and drank from Memorial weekend 2009 to Oct 2010.
I found it very hard to quit the second time around.
I am also ACOA and have been diagnosed with PTSD, OCD and major depression.
I took antidepressants and quit them because of a bully in AA that I got involved with.
I say that, but I am now perfectly free to take them but choose not to.
The reasons I drank are numerous.
Alcoholism runs in the family as well as depression.
I remember being upset that my family were not supportive.
Now, I feel more secure in my sobriety because I believe in me and a HP.
You would be amused at my prayers.
I pray to my childhood God, Mother Earth, Deceased friends and relatives, the universe.
I now go to AA for friendship, fellowship and to help others.
This week was very difficult as a former short term sponsor is in the throws of a major relapse. I got a bit to close to the flames and had to step back.
You are only a couple of days after a relapse, so I don't want to bore you to death.
To answer your question, yes, I believe you can become sober and stay that way.
But, it is hard work and NO_ONE can do the hard part for you.
Hop over to the friends and family section to know that None of us would be here if love could get us sober.
My advice?
Go to meetings.
Pack them in.
Do not make any big decisions.
Be careful who you associate with in the meetings.
Our judgement in people is bad at the beginning.
I am still learning.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Absolutely. From what Ive read and what Ive heard over the yrs, some
of the worse cases have over come their
struggles with addiction and live healthier,
happier, honest lives for many one days
at a time without drinking or using.
Realizing my will to stop drinking on my
own never worked. I had to depend on
help from others to teach me about addiction
and guide me with useful, affective suggestions
along the way until I was strong enough to
stand on my own.
Keep an OPENMIND, use WILLINGNESS and
become HONEST in all your affairs thru out
your life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 192
I knew I had a problem with alcohol for years and just kept going back to it. Again and again. Is it a relapse if I wasn't in AA and I only made it a couple of days before I decided I didn't have a problem? I don't know. I do know that I lost count of the "never agains" I told myself only to do it again. I will have 2 years on Monday. It is my longest stretch by far and I plan on keeping it going...one day at a time.
There is part of you that is saying, "I can do this--I have seen people in the rooms who get it and keep it. Why not me?" Listen to that part. Try to ignore the part that is telling you it is impossible. Don't let the addict part of you trick you into using. It is a sneaky voice--I know--I listened to it for years.
You can do this. All you have to worry about is today. Don't worry about what happened last week. Or last year. Or what will happen tomorrow. Today? You got this.
There is part of you that is saying, "I can do this--I have seen people in the rooms who get it and keep it. Why not me?" Listen to that part. Try to ignore the part that is telling you it is impossible. Don't let the addict part of you trick you into using. It is a sneaky voice--I know--I listened to it for years.
You can do this. All you have to worry about is today. Don't worry about what happened last week. Or last year. Or what will happen tomorrow. Today? You got this.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
For me...I was a chronic relapser until 2008 when I landed in jail after a DUI! That scared the crap out of me! I went to outpatient treatment, did 90 or more meetings in 90 days and then continued to do one mtg every day. I worked the steps with a sponsor 3 times, I got everything back, my life was good.
At about the 3 year mark of my sobriety I stopped going to meetings. I didn't go for the last 2.5 years of my sobriety. I "forgot" what I was! I drank again exactly one year ago today b/c I thought I was cured!
So now I am on day 3 and that's ok. (I can't change it so I have to accept it) My bottom the first time in 2008 was jail for 22 hours. My bottom this time was a suicidal thought. That scared the heck out of me!
Bottom line: for me, I wasn't able to get sober until the consequences & misery of my drinking became more painful than the reasons I was drinking. Make sense?
Unfortunately many if us DONT make it. I saw many people die during that 5.5 year period of sobriety. They just didn't want to stop or maybe they couldn't. I wish I knew why. I wish I could have saved them! I miss them! I think they just got so far in their disease they couldn't stop. They were drinking 24/7 the last year of their sobriety. They had lost everything. They gave up.
On the other hand, I have seen many many people who I thought were too far gone to get sober...GET SOBER and stay sober! Several chronic relapsers too. People who had been to 10 treatment centers etc.
I think the sooner we stop drinking, the better chance we have. Eventually with some of the people who died, they started to develop wet brain, liver failure etc and their disease was just to far out of control.
If you want it....go get it! It's a chronic, fatal, progressive disease. Do you want to live or do you want to die?
I just asked myself that exact question 3 days ago. My answer was "I want to live!". If I wanted to die I sure as heck wouldn't want to die the way a few friends died. I watched them die a slow, miserable, torturous death.
You can do this! I can do this! We can do this!!! I'm praying for you!
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
At about the 3 year mark of my sobriety I stopped going to meetings. I didn't go for the last 2.5 years of my sobriety. I "forgot" what I was! I drank again exactly one year ago today b/c I thought I was cured!
So now I am on day 3 and that's ok. (I can't change it so I have to accept it) My bottom the first time in 2008 was jail for 22 hours. My bottom this time was a suicidal thought. That scared the heck out of me!
Bottom line: for me, I wasn't able to get sober until the consequences & misery of my drinking became more painful than the reasons I was drinking. Make sense?
Unfortunately many if us DONT make it. I saw many people die during that 5.5 year period of sobriety. They just didn't want to stop or maybe they couldn't. I wish I knew why. I wish I could have saved them! I miss them! I think they just got so far in their disease they couldn't stop. They were drinking 24/7 the last year of their sobriety. They had lost everything. They gave up.
On the other hand, I have seen many many people who I thought were too far gone to get sober...GET SOBER and stay sober! Several chronic relapsers too. People who had been to 10 treatment centers etc.
I think the sooner we stop drinking, the better chance we have. Eventually with some of the people who died, they started to develop wet brain, liver failure etc and their disease was just to far out of control.
If you want it....go get it! It's a chronic, fatal, progressive disease. Do you want to live or do you want to die?
I just asked myself that exact question 3 days ago. My answer was "I want to live!". If I wanted to die I sure as heck wouldn't want to die the way a few friends died. I watched them die a slow, miserable, torturous death.
You can do this! I can do this! We can do this!!! I'm praying for you!
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
You would be amused at my prayers.
I pray to my childhood God, Mother Earth, Deceased friends and relatives, the universe.
I pray to my childhood God, Mother Earth, Deceased friends and relatives, the universe.
We addicts learn to listen to a naughty voice that tells us, "keep doing it" - or in Mrrryah's case, "you've done it so keep doing it". Then we just move the line in the sand.
In changing, I had to find other voices to listen to. I already proved I listen to the voice that will get me in trouble, so why wouldn't I also seek voices who want only good for me? Some things are necessary and right for me to do. I talk to my dead relatives, I know they would want what is good for me. I talk to "God" - God to me is the voice deep within that is good. God/good. Coincidence? I think not. Nature/the Universe is also on my side as long as I strive to do the next right thing. As soon as I step away from these sources of strength and help, I start to flounder. Stand for something or fall for anything. Drawing a line in the sand that I cannot under any circumstances cross is what I have to do.
It's nothing more than a decision. I am the one who suffers or prospers.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Me again.
You bring up a very good point about crossing boundaries and not ever being able to put them back up.
I can help you with that!
Yes, you can put them back up.
I have done a few "dodgy" things.
I started taking valium every now and again.
No one knew. I took it for my neck injury. At night.
Bullhocky!!!!!!!!!
I did in my arse!
I took it because it gave me a great calm feeling and a great night's sleep!
Then I told someone in AA. And I through them out.
Never again.
Also, I will find myself doing things to be helpful.
Oh! Aren't I great?
Helping, helping, helping.
BS!!!!!
I was getting something out of it.
There was an angle.
Honesty!!!!!
With myself.
What are my motives? Really?
I get away with nothing.
If it feels wrong, it is.
With the relationship disaster. Oh God, where do I start?
Will never again do that. I went over all my boundaries. did things that I swore I wouldn't do. Well, I was able to look at my behaviour. Not bad shameful things, just things that were bad for my selfesteem, etc. Stopped it and won't let myself be sucked in again.
Desperation led me down a bad path.
Loneliness. Now, I don't look to any one person or organization to hold me up.
I am it.
So, again, yes, you can re-instate old rules of behaviour.
Healthy wholesome behaviour can be resumed.
Anne.
You bring up a very good point about crossing boundaries and not ever being able to put them back up.
I can help you with that!
Yes, you can put them back up.
I have done a few "dodgy" things.
I started taking valium every now and again.
No one knew. I took it for my neck injury. At night.
Bullhocky!!!!!!!!!
I did in my arse!
I took it because it gave me a great calm feeling and a great night's sleep!
Then I told someone in AA. And I through them out.
Never again.
Also, I will find myself doing things to be helpful.
Oh! Aren't I great?
Helping, helping, helping.
BS!!!!!
I was getting something out of it.
There was an angle.
Honesty!!!!!
With myself.
What are my motives? Really?
I get away with nothing.
If it feels wrong, it is.
With the relationship disaster. Oh God, where do I start?
Will never again do that. I went over all my boundaries. did things that I swore I wouldn't do. Well, I was able to look at my behaviour. Not bad shameful things, just things that were bad for my selfesteem, etc. Stopped it and won't let myself be sucked in again.
Desperation led me down a bad path.
Loneliness. Now, I don't look to any one person or organization to hold me up.
I am it.
So, again, yes, you can re-instate old rules of behaviour.
Healthy wholesome behaviour can be resumed.
Anne.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
Boy was i a serial relapser!!
My first AA meeting, my first real attempt at recovery, was 1996.
Got days, weeks then months (9 months twice) but never a year.
Between arriving at AA in 96 and finally giving up the battle in April 13 i lost everything.
My wife, home, career and destroyed my health.
I always found that life would just get too stressful, too bleak or just too boring and there i went again. Drinking in the knowledge that once started i couldn't stop and that the consequences would be dire if not fatal.
And not enjoying a minute of it.Truly a head full of AA and a belly full of liquor are a marriage made in hell.
On my knees ant 4 in the morning on 1/4/13 (UK) i was dying and it wasn't happening fast enough for me. I had been contemplating suicide for weeks.
I prayed to the God of my understanding.
I shouted and railed.
'God if you are there take me now. Why have you allowed me and those around me to suffer so. Relieve me of this hell. Let me pass please....,,,,, I am broken'
I took my last sip from the bottle and lapsed once again into oblivion, the booze was gone. I welcomed death.
I came round about an hour later.
I looked at the empty bottle and knew in my soul that i need never drink alcohol again.
I made a plan.
Like i had many times before.
This time i found the courage,hope and strength to stick to it.
I detoxed alone, survived it and have not wanted a drink to this day.
I never gave up trying and kept coming back.
That was my part in all this.
You are NOT a lost cause.
That i can tell you with every honest bone in my body.
Gary x
My first AA meeting, my first real attempt at recovery, was 1996.
Got days, weeks then months (9 months twice) but never a year.
Between arriving at AA in 96 and finally giving up the battle in April 13 i lost everything.
My wife, home, career and destroyed my health.
I always found that life would just get too stressful, too bleak or just too boring and there i went again. Drinking in the knowledge that once started i couldn't stop and that the consequences would be dire if not fatal.
And not enjoying a minute of it.Truly a head full of AA and a belly full of liquor are a marriage made in hell.
On my knees ant 4 in the morning on 1/4/13 (UK) i was dying and it wasn't happening fast enough for me. I had been contemplating suicide for weeks.
I prayed to the God of my understanding.
I shouted and railed.
'God if you are there take me now. Why have you allowed me and those around me to suffer so. Relieve me of this hell. Let me pass please....,,,,, I am broken'
I took my last sip from the bottle and lapsed once again into oblivion, the booze was gone. I welcomed death.
I came round about an hour later.
I looked at the empty bottle and knew in my soul that i need never drink alcohol again.
I made a plan.
Like i had many times before.
This time i found the courage,hope and strength to stick to it.
I detoxed alone, survived it and have not wanted a drink to this day.
I never gave up trying and kept coming back.
That was my part in all this.
You are NOT a lost cause.
That i can tell you with every honest bone in my body.
Gary x
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by afloatsober 
Boy was i a serial relapser!! My first AA meeting, my first real attempt at recovery, was 1996. Got days, weeks then months (9 months twice) but never a year. Between arriving at AA in 96 and finally giving up the battle in April 13 i lost everything. My wife, home, career and destroyed my health. I always found that life would just get too stressful, too bleak or just too boring and there i went again. Drinking in the knowledge that once started i couldn't stop and that the consequences would be dire if not fatal. And not enjoying a minute of it.Truly a head full of AA and a belly full of liquor are a marriage made in hell. On my knees ant 4 in the morning on 1/4/13 (UK) i was dying and it wasn't happening fast enough for me. I had been contemplating suicide for weeks. I prayed to the God of my understanding. I shouted and railed. 'God if you are there take me now. Why have you allowed me and those around me to suffer so. Relieve me of this hell. Let me pass please....,,,,, I am broken' I took my last sip from the bottle and lapsed once again into oblivion, the booze was gone. I welcomed death. I came round about an hour later. I looked at the empty bottle and knew in my soul that i need never drink alcohol again. I made a plan. Like i had many times before. This time i found the courage,hope and strength to stick to it. I detoxed alone, survived it and have not wanted a drink to this day. I never gave up trying and kept coming back. That was my part in all this. You are NOT a lost cause. That i can tell you with every honest bone in my body. Gary x
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
My join date here is March 08. My sobriety date is December 09. It took me nearly two years to finally wise up and stop drinking. I am coming up on five years. And I relapsed constantly for almost two years.
If I can do it, so can you!
If I can do it, so can you!
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Mrrryah1
Or am I seriously, ultimately, a lost cause now. Because deep down I’m terrified that my thoughts and fears around this are true, and I’m out of luck.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
I feel so strongly about this that i will come back and say...
The fact that you are here is evidence of your desire to stop drinking and change your life, heart and soul.
Many do not care. They don't feel guilty, they can rationalize hurting others, they can 'blame' their addiction and they feel empowered to continue on through life like a wrecking ball.
That is not me and it is not you.
Yes we fall, we screw up, we are imperfect and flawed.
So what!
We keep walking and we keep trying.
You are here.
That is good.
YOU ARE GOOD
It is the booze that has sickened us.
Don't forget it...
Gary
The fact that you are here is evidence of your desire to stop drinking and change your life, heart and soul.
Many do not care. They don't feel guilty, they can rationalize hurting others, they can 'blame' their addiction and they feel empowered to continue on through life like a wrecking ball.
That is not me and it is not you.
Yes we fall, we screw up, we are imperfect and flawed.
So what!
We keep walking and we keep trying.
You are here.
That is good.
YOU ARE GOOD
It is the booze that has sickened us.
Don't forget it...
Gary
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