Ten month blues
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Ten month blues
Ten months today.
I'm very grateful for that and I'm off to the early bird meeting shortly to pick up my 10 month chip.
Yet I woke with the blues. Been pretty down for most of the past few months.
I'm better able to be OK being blue now. I don't think I'm actually depressed, but my energy is low, my general demeanor less confident and positive, a cloud kind of follows me. Anxiety too.
I know it is part of the process of recovery. I know it is part of being human. I know it won't last forever. I'm trying to let go, not fight it, focus on gratitude and letting my faith rest in spirit and in growth and goodness.
But I also need to acknowledge that it's tiring. I want to feel energetic and confident and strong. I want to feel loved and loving and good. I AM all those things, but I'm having a hard time feeling them right now.
Ill stop my rambling. But thank you all, here at SR, for helping me make it this far.
I'm very grateful for that and I'm off to the early bird meeting shortly to pick up my 10 month chip.
Yet I woke with the blues. Been pretty down for most of the past few months.
I'm better able to be OK being blue now. I don't think I'm actually depressed, but my energy is low, my general demeanor less confident and positive, a cloud kind of follows me. Anxiety too.
I know it is part of the process of recovery. I know it is part of being human. I know it won't last forever. I'm trying to let go, not fight it, focus on gratitude and letting my faith rest in spirit and in growth and goodness.
But I also need to acknowledge that it's tiring. I want to feel energetic and confident and strong. I want to feel loved and loving and good. I AM all those things, but I'm having a hard time feeling them right now.
Ill stop my rambling. But thank you all, here at SR, for helping me make it this far.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Hey Free Owl. Once the dust settled i fpund there was a lot to do, initially just taking stock of what i had let go. It was over a year before i started work to get info to the tax department for four years of teturns i had not done. It all takes time , hang in there
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Well done on ten months i have had a rough week this week bouts of depression i get thru by seeing the bigger picture
your doing fantastic if depression has been like this for a few months speak to a doctor
well done again freeowl
your doing fantastic if depression has been like this for a few months speak to a doctor
well done again freeowl
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Life on life's terms
Do a little journeling each day. Chances are after a years time there be a lot more enteries of good days then bad ones.
Read positive uplifting articles and books. Stay in touch with family and close friends. Do something kind each day for someone.
Grats on the ten months
Do a little journeling each day. Chances are after a years time there be a lot more enteries of good days then bad ones.
Read positive uplifting articles and books. Stay in touch with family and close friends. Do something kind each day for someone.
Grats on the ten months
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Great job on 10 months Free!
Recent I started reading a book about steps 6&7 - " The forgotten steps". I strongly believe this literature well not pervasive in our membership is a huge key in recovery.
It is published by Hazelden - same folks who publish 24 hours a day and address some issue I contend are sometimes glossed over in these steps.
You may have done these steps at 10 months, maybe you've done them all - no idea. But, I am on my promoting horse recently having discovered this great resource.
Maybe it will help re focus some directly on step work and pull you out of it!?!?
Not trying to be Mr. know it all, just trying to help a friend whom I deeply respect and am grateful for all they do on SR!
Available as an ibook, etc
Drop the Rock Second Edition -- Hazelden
10 months is Highly Inspirational!!!!
warm regards,
fly
Recent I started reading a book about steps 6&7 - " The forgotten steps". I strongly believe this literature well not pervasive in our membership is a huge key in recovery.
It is published by Hazelden - same folks who publish 24 hours a day and address some issue I contend are sometimes glossed over in these steps.
You may have done these steps at 10 months, maybe you've done them all - no idea. But, I am on my promoting horse recently having discovered this great resource.
Maybe it will help re focus some directly on step work and pull you out of it!?!?
Not trying to be Mr. know it all, just trying to help a friend whom I deeply respect and am grateful for all they do on SR!
Available as an ibook, etc
Drop the Rock Second Edition -- Hazelden
10 months is Highly Inspirational!!!!
warm regards,
fly
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
Wow, well done on ten months. It's you long term soberists that inspire us newbies 
Could I ask, are you taking vitamins and supplements ,they can make a lot of difference to your mental state. Lack of B vits can cause a low feeling. From what I have read, your brain gets all messed up with the drink, needs some supplements to steady it out.
Could I ask, are you taking vitamins and supplements ,they can make a lot of difference to your mental state. Lack of B vits can cause a low feeling. From what I have read, your brain gets all messed up with the drink, needs some supplements to steady it out.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Western New York
Posts: 2,445
Freeowl, I first want to say I always enjoy your posts and insight.
I don't see anything wrong or unusual with what you are saying. Everyone wants to feel love and be loved. I think it's easy to get caught in an emotional rut or simply not see past the here and now. Sometimes it feels like life is all work and obligations. So, you need something different, but what? I can't say if you are depressed or not, but maybe that's a part of it. It wouldn't hurt to attack this from multiple angles, lots of good advice from everyone above.
But, going back to where I started, you make a huge difference and are cared about here on SR. That is something I think.
I don't see anything wrong or unusual with what you are saying. Everyone wants to feel love and be loved. I think it's easy to get caught in an emotional rut or simply not see past the here and now. Sometimes it feels like life is all work and obligations. So, you need something different, but what? I can't say if you are depressed or not, but maybe that's a part of it. It wouldn't hurt to attack this from multiple angles, lots of good advice from everyone above.
But, going back to where I started, you make a huge difference and are cared about here on SR. That is something I think.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I was looking forward to your posting on your 10-month mark, also because we are 1 month +1 day apart in sobriety (me behind you of course) Congratulations!
I second what Dee suggested. If this "blue" state is something that lasts beyond a few days or a week and you cannot easily put it down to a specific cause, why not take a ride to the doctor and discuss it with them, maybe ask for a physical as well. Cannot hurt. I went through something similar around 4 months into my sobriety and it was becoming more and more uncomfortable that I could not snap out of it with what I usually do. For me it was more unstable moods and mood swings rather than consistent low. I talked with my therapist about it first, then a psychiatrist and my GP, tried a new med for a while. We never really figured out what was causing the weird moods, but it helped to know there was nothing obviously odd physiologically, and it all disappeared (normalized) after a couple months. I've always been a little bit of an edgy/high-strung person (even before drinking) with lots of weird thoughts in my head, so having weird days does not surprise me, but it does not tend to last in sobriety, really just days or more often hours. It's always good to know I am physically healthy.
Other than that, the one thing that always helps me when I am feeling a bit chaotic emotionally is doing something and getting busy, instead of introspecting on my feelings and thoughts even more (I do that already enough by default). Focusing on the external world. Even just getting some stupid chores done regardless of whether I feel like doing it or not. Finish projects or start a new one. I think Captain had some good suggestions about staying connected with others and doing something for others - for me this tends to work like magic sometimes exactly because I have a strong default tendency to isolate despite an equally strong current to be close with others. Also, getting into something I've always wanted but it has not happened yet, sometimes things that make me slightly uncomfortable. These actions almost always make me feel more energetic and focused, and also give me a sense of belonging because there is almost always immediate feedback. Not sure about you, for me feeling like a good person and loved is coming from being connected with others. Especially the self-respect and self-love part. I think it is because I like to evaluate my self-worth based on what I do and what I do with my life. Of course it's not always trivial how to snap out of a funk.
It's great that you are talking about these feelings here on SR. Great job on sobriety also!
Congratulations!I second what Dee suggested. If this "blue" state is something that lasts beyond a few days or a week and you cannot easily put it down to a specific cause, why not take a ride to the doctor and discuss it with them, maybe ask for a physical as well. Cannot hurt. I went through something similar around 4 months into my sobriety and it was becoming more and more uncomfortable that I could not snap out of it with what I usually do. For me it was more unstable moods and mood swings rather than consistent low. I talked with my therapist about it first, then a psychiatrist and my GP, tried a new med for a while. We never really figured out what was causing the weird moods, but it helped to know there was nothing obviously odd physiologically, and it all disappeared (normalized) after a couple months. I've always been a little bit of an edgy/high-strung person (even before drinking) with lots of weird thoughts in my head, so having weird days does not surprise me, but it does not tend to last in sobriety, really just days or more often hours. It's always good to know I am physically healthy.
Other than that, the one thing that always helps me when I am feeling a bit chaotic emotionally is doing something and getting busy, instead of introspecting on my feelings and thoughts even more (I do that already enough by default). Focusing on the external world. Even just getting some stupid chores done regardless of whether I feel like doing it or not. Finish projects or start a new one. I think Captain had some good suggestions about staying connected with others and doing something for others - for me this tends to work like magic sometimes exactly because I have a strong default tendency to isolate despite an equally strong current to be close with others. Also, getting into something I've always wanted but it has not happened yet, sometimes things that make me slightly uncomfortable. These actions almost always make me feel more energetic and focused, and also give me a sense of belonging because there is almost always immediate feedback. Not sure about you, for me feeling like a good person and loved is coming from being connected with others. Especially the self-respect and self-love part. I think it is because I like to evaluate my self-worth based on what I do and what I do with my life. Of course it's not always trivial how to snap out of a funk.
It's great that you are talking about these feelings here on SR. Great job on sobriety also!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Thank you, everyone, for your thoughtful support, encouragement and ideas.
It was a good feeling to get my 10 month chip and talk about how I'd done it, and to talk about how I am feeling, and to acknowledge that it's ok.
I am taking supplements, I am tapering my caffeine as much as I can, I am staying connected with people and taking action steps each day. I am working the steps - albeit slowly, but thoroughly. I am only on Step 2, but Step one was done powerfully and I am taking the same approach to 2.
In my life I am facing the high likelihood of being unemployed soon, every day I take at least three action steps toward finding new employment. But that is wearing away quietly at me with each day of uncertainty.
In my relationship, my Lady is stressed and doing her best and I am stressed and doing my best and in a situation like that, sometimes it feels sad because it's not at the moment what either of us would prefer it to be. But, we love one another and are dedicated to one another and are communicating about it and assuring one another it will be OK.
It won't always be this way. I don't rule out medication, yet I don't really think that's where I am. I am generally healthy, and I'm not feeling hopeless or impaired in my daily ability to take positive steps. I am able to truly reflect on things I am grateful for. I am able to laugh, I am able to feel joy alongside sadness. I think what I am going through is "BEING HUMAN" without numbing the experience - during a difficult time. I think it will pass and I am watchful for signs that I should consider a medical support solution.
For now, I will continue looking to SR as a place to share and work through this. I will keep going to meetings, talking to my friends in the program here and in the physical world, I will continue going to my therapist and working on some cognitive therapy that is aimed at healing some of my root issues that stem from long-held wounds and I will keep working on step work and doing one thing a day to care for myself. Yesterday it was the chiropractor and a sauna. Today it is a massage and probably a walk in the sunny autumn forest.
I had a flat tire after the meeting today. That could have really bummed me out - but I had friends who jumped right in to help me deal with it and I had some good, quiet together time just talking about life with a good friend 20 years my senior.
It'll all be OK.
Thank you.
It was a good feeling to get my 10 month chip and talk about how I'd done it, and to talk about how I am feeling, and to acknowledge that it's ok.
I am taking supplements, I am tapering my caffeine as much as I can, I am staying connected with people and taking action steps each day. I am working the steps - albeit slowly, but thoroughly. I am only on Step 2, but Step one was done powerfully and I am taking the same approach to 2.
In my life I am facing the high likelihood of being unemployed soon, every day I take at least three action steps toward finding new employment. But that is wearing away quietly at me with each day of uncertainty.
In my relationship, my Lady is stressed and doing her best and I am stressed and doing my best and in a situation like that, sometimes it feels sad because it's not at the moment what either of us would prefer it to be. But, we love one another and are dedicated to one another and are communicating about it and assuring one another it will be OK.
It won't always be this way. I don't rule out medication, yet I don't really think that's where I am. I am generally healthy, and I'm not feeling hopeless or impaired in my daily ability to take positive steps. I am able to truly reflect on things I am grateful for. I am able to laugh, I am able to feel joy alongside sadness. I think what I am going through is "BEING HUMAN" without numbing the experience - during a difficult time. I think it will pass and I am watchful for signs that I should consider a medical support solution.
For now, I will continue looking to SR as a place to share and work through this. I will keep going to meetings, talking to my friends in the program here and in the physical world, I will continue going to my therapist and working on some cognitive therapy that is aimed at healing some of my root issues that stem from long-held wounds and I will keep working on step work and doing one thing a day to care for myself. Yesterday it was the chiropractor and a sauna. Today it is a massage and probably a walk in the sunny autumn forest.
I had a flat tire after the meeting today. That could have really bummed me out - but I had friends who jumped right in to help me deal with it and I had some good, quiet together time just talking about life with a good friend 20 years my senior.
It'll all be OK.
Thank you.
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