richardegan5

Hi guys, im new to this site and glad I found it as I need some advice from people who understand and relate to my experience. I believe I have been an alcoholic from birth, I come from a family with chronic alcohol abuse in both my father and mothers history.it took me to the verge of death on many occasions and pretty much destroyed any normality I ever had. when it got to the point I could not suffer anymore I decided I needed help, I entered a rehab centre for 3 months. I can never repay those people enough for guiding me on this path.With the help I received and continuing support I believe I can make it. That being said I am struggling with an issue I never considered, I have always wanted a family,I was previously in a long term relationship where my partner had a son whom I love dearly, but now I fear passing my alcoholism to any children I may have. I respect the right of life and am a Christian but also know the pain of an addicts life so im very conflicted!Have anyone experience with something similar?

Lusher

Hey richardegan5, I wanted to say hello and throw out some support.

I don't have any experience in that particular issue, but I just wanted to let you know that you've found a great forum for support.

Quote:

and continuing support I believe I can make it.

Lot's of it here, and I wish you well with your issue.

richardegan5

Thank Lusher, I appreciate the support I honestly mean that!

Dee74

Hi Richard

as it happens I don't have children and am not likely to now, but I look at it this way...I'm an alcoholic...I've had great pain in my life but great joy too.

I'm glad I was born and I'm glad I've lived 50 years or so.
My life is far from wasted

I'm also disabled. I'm glad my mum and dad decided to have, and keep, me

it's a lottery anyway.

There is alcoholism on my mothers side - one brother dead, one brother with a stroke, 2 heavy drinking sisters - but she rarely drinks.

My dad is a normal drinker. My sister has never had an issue with alcohol and rarely drinks.

My brother and I were both heavy drinkers...but he settled down and raised a family.
He drinks socially but responsibly now.

I'm the only one who identifies as an alcoholic.

I had almost no guidance with this stuff as a kid either. It may have been different if I had, or not. We'll never know.

D

fantail

I worry about this too, but I don't think it will stop me from having kids if I decide I want them.

My dad was open with me about the alcoholism in his family, but looking back, I can see that he's a somewhat closed-off person when it comes to sharing painful experiences. I wish that rather than just telling me I needed to be careful with alcohol, he'd shared more about what it feels like to become dependent. I plan on telling any kids I have the full and honest truth about how bad it got for me.

That said, my dad has been an amazing model for me. He never drank while I was growing up, but he also never let it limit him. He socialized like everyone else and always had a good time. When I got to the point where I realized I needed to quit, I was far less afraid of how it would change my life because I'd seen first hand that not drinking didn't have to limit me.

I think it's like anything else... we all inherit a lot of good and a lot of bad from our parents. What matters most is how they teach us.

MariahGayle

Hi Richard - Great job on 3+ months of sobriety! Alcoholism is very prominent in my family on both Mom & Dad's side. I agree with Dee that it seems to be a "lottery" of sorts. This is a great group to find support & inspiration - post & read often

richardegan5

Thanks guys, its the things I never considered while I was in active addiction that are starting to pop up for me alot lately. If god willing someday I do have kids of my own I will not have them going out into the world not knowing the dangers and pitfalls that can so easily overcome a person.

Stevie1

Hi Richard, I am the oldest of four and on my Dad's side is a long lineage of alcoholics.
But of myself and my siblings, I was the only one who turned out to be like my Dad...

I really would not worry about it to be honest. You can crunch the numbers yourself and will find that from breast cancer to alcoholism, the fact is that most cancer patients and addicts do NOT actually have a genetic disposition.

richardegan5

Iv heard so many debates stevie over nature verus nurture id like to hear your take on it, no judgement or anything I genuinely embrace other peoples ideas.

Bailey3

Hi Richard. Don't short yourself one of the greatest joys in life because of something that may never happen. I think as long as your a good role model and honest with your children all will turn out well.

richardegan5

jsm that right, I never had anyone I knew growing up as a kid who didn't drink, maybe one day through a lot of hard work my kids could look up to me, that put an instant smile on my face. Delighted I found this fourm.

hokey

Alcoholism is a disease with a genetic component ... it's been proven over and over again. Does that mean I should not have children? Too late ... I already have two grown sons. Should I have NOT had them? Bah ... hogwash! What I can do for them is show them the way now ... now that I know better and can do better! I wish I had found sobriety sooner, but the past is the past ... I can be a better mom now (and an awesome grandma when the time comes)!

richardegan5

Hokey, love your energy. maybe it was me focusing to much on the negative but reading your post and jsms Its dawning on me that if I keep strong then maybe my kids could see the value in sobriety and living a clean and productive life too.thanks

Soberwolf

Good luck

JanieJ

I have three grown- up kids. Two from father A, one from father B.. Out of father A (who drank ) one drinks quite heavily, the other one will maybe have a Guinness at Christmas.

The other, from father B (who didn't drink) doesn't drink at all.