'Support and understanding for the alcoholic'
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 278
'Support and understanding for the alcoholic'
I don't live with active alcoholism on a day-to-day basis; the only alcoholic in my life these days is one of my brothers, who lives with my mum. I phoned her this evening; he answered the phone and during the course of the conversation he asked if he could run something past me. As well as being an alcoholic, he has been addicted to cocaine in the past and suffers from paranoia. He clearly hadn't been drinking when I spoke to him.
He'd just received a phone call from someone offering him work. He was very anxious because when he asked how they'd got his phone number, they'd told him it was on his CV (which he'd sent to them). He swore blind to me that it wasn't, that they'd got it from somewhere else and that it could just be the police waiting to fit him up... but why? Anyway, the upshot was that I suggested he send me the CV - and sure enough, there was his phone number.
By the end of the call, I think he'd accepted that it was a bona-fide offer of work (or at least an interview) and nothing to worry about. Apart from getting really agitated about someone putting his phone number on his CV without his permission (the only one who could have done this is him, by the way!), but the agitation was real.
It left me wondering, though. If I had a world view like that, that could see malevolent conspiracy in innocent, even desirable, things like that... wouldn't I want to blot it out somehow? He can be so vile when he's been drinking that I've found it difficult to have any compassion for him... but just this little glimpse into his world was very instructive. What a place to be! And to be too vulnerable to trust AA...
He'd just received a phone call from someone offering him work. He was very anxious because when he asked how they'd got his phone number, they'd told him it was on his CV (which he'd sent to them). He swore blind to me that it wasn't, that they'd got it from somewhere else and that it could just be the police waiting to fit him up... but why? Anyway, the upshot was that I suggested he send me the CV - and sure enough, there was his phone number.
By the end of the call, I think he'd accepted that it was a bona-fide offer of work (or at least an interview) and nothing to worry about. Apart from getting really agitated about someone putting his phone number on his CV without his permission (the only one who could have done this is him, by the way!), but the agitation was real.
It left me wondering, though. If I had a world view like that, that could see malevolent conspiracy in innocent, even desirable, things like that... wouldn't I want to blot it out somehow? He can be so vile when he's been drinking that I've found it difficult to have any compassion for him... but just this little glimpse into his world was very instructive. What a place to be! And to be too vulnerable to trust AA...
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 138
Hi @rosalba
Reading your post reminded me of similar things with my abf and his level of paranoia.
After he had been AWOL drinking for days he would suffer from serious paranoia not knowing where he had been or who with, had he hurt someone, had someone done something to him, had he said something to someone and they would come after him. He would check police websites, sit up all night paranoid that someone would come to his house whether that be police or someone he had upset in his drunk ways. He would think for days, sometimes weeks after that if he saw a police car they were somehow investigating him and trying to 'put something on him'
He would also talk to himself as if trying to shush whatever voices or visions were going on in his head and piece together what was reality and what was just his mind in overdrive.
It was absolutely heartbreaking to see and also very scary, and like you say a glimpse into that persons world which makes you feel very sad for them indeed.
I struggle with many emotions about my abf as he was also emotionally and physically abusive, and I do at times hate him for the things he has said and done but also I feel intense sadness for him as I can only imagine what it must be like to have this kind of thought process or these things going on in your head. It was bad enough just to witness.
I remember telling him that if he would only quit he would never have to go through these kind of things again, or at least not as intense as they were but sadly he is still drinking.
I think there are many emotions like I say when you are close to an active alcoholic or drug user, and although I do blame my compassion and empathy for getting me into a situation where I have now been left desperately sad and broken by this man I can like you feel very sad for him and think as you said 'what a place to be'
Reading your post reminded me of similar things with my abf and his level of paranoia.
After he had been AWOL drinking for days he would suffer from serious paranoia not knowing where he had been or who with, had he hurt someone, had someone done something to him, had he said something to someone and they would come after him. He would check police websites, sit up all night paranoid that someone would come to his house whether that be police or someone he had upset in his drunk ways. He would think for days, sometimes weeks after that if he saw a police car they were somehow investigating him and trying to 'put something on him'
He would also talk to himself as if trying to shush whatever voices or visions were going on in his head and piece together what was reality and what was just his mind in overdrive.
It was absolutely heartbreaking to see and also very scary, and like you say a glimpse into that persons world which makes you feel very sad for them indeed.
I struggle with many emotions about my abf as he was also emotionally and physically abusive, and I do at times hate him for the things he has said and done but also I feel intense sadness for him as I can only imagine what it must be like to have this kind of thought process or these things going on in your head. It was bad enough just to witness.
I remember telling him that if he would only quit he would never have to go through these kind of things again, or at least not as intense as they were but sadly he is still drinking.
I think there are many emotions like I say when you are close to an active alcoholic or drug user, and although I do blame my compassion and empathy for getting me into a situation where I have now been left desperately sad and broken by this man I can like you feel very sad for him and think as you said 'what a place to be'
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Yes, the paranoia is very real in their heads. When I think about it, it overwhelms me to realize how it must just wear them out. My XAH's aunt has a mental illness. During many times, she was so paranoid, always thinking that there were people outside waiting for her. It was a very real terror for her and it wore her out, and wore those helping care for her out. Just awful.
I am so sorry for you and for your brother. Just letting you know I am here, reading this, that I understand, that I am supporting you!
I am so sorry for you and for your brother. Just letting you know I am here, reading this, that I understand, that I am supporting you!
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