Thatdeliveryguy

My little buddy, that is what I called my daughter. We were the best parents ever we encouraged growth and thought. Nothing Tierstan could do was wrong, **** she was queen and we were her jest! We a taught lessons, we told her what was wrong and what was right, but then addiction ***@#$d us.

I am crying, I am so sad, I've lost my little buddy. Alcohol, has screwed me, so many lost friends, suicide, death from alcohol, wow. So many, why friends, I am crying, why such good people gone. My daughter is gone, my one and only my little buddy has been taken, but people have died because of addiction.

I mourn them, I am sad, I miss my daughter, why did alcohol take it all? Why did I let it get to this point, why did I lose, why did I let myself be a loser. I type this text, I think and contemplate and realize I've lost on so many levels

Day labor, trying so damn hard, but the reality of realities is about to kick my ass, no phone, no internet, homelessness, possible. I am sad, why me, why did I survive,why do I have a second chance?

Done, sad and depressed, why? Why?

hopeful4

You pick yourself up, and you cope. You do that for your little buddy.

Every time you want to pick up, every time you are tempted to do things wrong, you see her face in your mind.

You have the power to make things right. It will take hard work, it will take dedication. You can do it.

Soberwolf

Jeremy you really need to start to facing up to facts and realise its not working out on your own SR isnt keeping you sober i would tell you as i would any friend to seek help this is hard to watch i know you got a lot to deal with but whatever your doing just isnt working

please seek help Jeremy

Stevie1

Hi TDG, hate to tell you but pity parties don't do anyone any good, and I say that out of concern and having been there.

You are still trying, which is awesome and means you're a fighter.
But you have to figure out a different way, since what you're doing now isn't working for you. You're the only one who can do this for you. What can you do differently, going forward?

So, fight! Get help...there are many free programs out there although you may have to be persistent.

Stubbs16

Yes TDG, you have a second chance. Because you deserve it. Your baby girl isn't gone forever. I went through a time when I lost all contact with my kids, grandkids. For a very long time, I thought, things would never, ever be ok. But in time, I got my family back. It was a very trying time, but finally it all fell into place. And I'm so grateful it did. I'm sure things will work out for you eventually , its just getting through the here and now that is going to take all your patience and hard work. You aren't done yet. Your family needs you. Don't ever give up, or lose sight of that. I've felt done, sad, depressed too, without hope was the worst. But it didn't turn out that way. Where there is life, there is always hope.
And you can do it. Sending you good thoughts, and good luck, and many prayers.

Dee74

When you're in hell J, you keep on going...you keep marching to get through to the other side.
You have to.

When I was getting sober I had so many problems and concerns - it took me a year or so to deal with them...and that was just the rent, food, board, income versus outstanding bills stuff.

I had to bite my tongue a lot, say yes sir no sir, whatever you want me to do sir a lot - and just do it.
This is a long game. A really long term journey.

Despair and self-pity washing over you is perfectly understandable, but they just use up energy and time and they won't get you anywhere J - not anywhere good.

D

Meraviglioso

Jeremy, I read this today on another thread, our fellow user LadyinBC wrote this and it is something we should ALL think about.

"When I quit drinking I had to turn my thinking around. One thing I started asking myself when doing things that made me feel uncomfortable was "would I have gone to these meetings if I HAD to go in order to get drunk". And the answer was yes, I wouldn't have cared what they talked about in these meetings if I would have had to go to them to get my booze."

LadyinBC was specifically referring to attending AA, but this question can be used for any part of our recovery.

Jeremy, if there was free gambling and all you could drink booze at this particular place, all you had to do was get a temporary home for your animals, put some other stuff in order and move in there for a month, would you have gone? Yeah?

Put the same effort into your recovery that you put into your drinking.

As Dee said, there is no shame at all in feeling down and out but at some point we all have to pick ourselves up and get on with it. Complaining about it is not going to produce any forward movement despite making you feel better for venting.

We're all rooting for you bud, time to get on this recovery stuff.

TiredEnough

Hope is a side effect of sobriety when used long term.

JanieJ

J, (((()))) I have felt like this so many times when I was drinking. And as everyone has said, it gets you nowhere, just deeper in a hole. Drink seems to exaggerate every emotion and makes everything worse, a horrible mess. We all know you are having a tough time, and we all support you, but you must pick up and keep going, for your little buddy.

Do you want to give in to your despair or do you want to get yourself together so that you can see her again and make her happy as well as yourself ?

I'm not an old timer, just newly sober myself, but I wish I could show you the amazing side of soberness, the pride in yourself that you will have for being strong and determined through difficult times.
Take it hour by hour my friend ,you can do this.

EndGameNYC

Hi Jeremy.

The answers to your questions are, in a practical sense, completely unhelpful.

When you stop asking "Why?" and start focusing your energies on getting the help you need you will, at that moment, stop losing so much in your life.