CarmenLove

Hi,

What I am struggling with right now is that yesterday I found out my husband is using heroin. Short version of the story is he used to be a user, and was clean even before he met me. We have been together 3 years.

And he never went through proper recovery as far as I can tell.

He wanted to go through cold turkey here in the place we just moved house to yesterday, when I found the drugs, and I couldn't handle it.

So I checked him into a hotel around the corner.

Now I am feeling very anxious, like I am a bad wife.

And my worst fear is if he died I think it would be my fault. I kinda of logically know this is not clear thinking... and yet my experience around this is doubt and fear... like it's my fault and I keep asking myself should I have let him stay?

I am new here. I posted in the friends and family forum for drug addictions also.

tommyinphilly

Stay in the hotel if it's better for you. Offer to get him the help he needs and support him if he wants it. That is all you can do. You are not responsible for his using. This is on him. Good luck

CarmenLove

Hi tommyinphilly,

Thank you for your reply. Ah actually it is him that is in the hotel, I am in the new place on my own. I said I was not comfortable for him to stay here while he went through the heroin detox cold turkey, which is what he said he wanted to do.

Now I am questioning my decision to say no.

Do you mean I should go stay with him in the hotel? Slightly confused.

Anna

No one can tell you what to do in this situation.

I hope you find some peace.

You might also check out NarAnon as a support for yourself.

least

Can you get him to a hospital, or detox center? I would think he would need help in getting clean. I've never used heroin so don't know what the withdrawal is like, but would think he might need medical help.

Tamerua

Why not try to take him to a hospital so he can detox there?

You're not a bad wife, how would you know how to deal with this? Hell, I'm an alcoholic and I don't know that I would deal with it well. But, seek medical treatment, that's the safest way.

sending hugs.

tommyinphilly

Sorry carmen, I misread. Be as supportive as you are able. Sorry again.

tommyinphilly

You sound like a very good wife. You wouldn't be this concerned otherwise

CarmenLove

tommyinphilly.

That is OK. I was just confused about what you meant.

CarmenLove

I don't think he will go to a hospital. He said he didn't want to go to a clinic and wanted to do it himself. I have text him to ask him about the hospital though. I don't know if he will reply.

Tamerua

Well, Carmen, if he won't go, he won't.

Take care of you right now. Keep reading around the Friends and Family section, if you're open to it, find an alanon meeting. Or read a book, take a bath... but take care of yourself.

Mags1

Hi Carmen, I know it seems strange when you want to help your husband and our friends on the forum say look after yourself. But, it's true and it does work. Looking after yourself health and wellbeing gives you the focus to help/manage your husband, also.

Be well.x

CarmenLove

Hi Mags1,

No it makes perfect sense. The way to health is to focus on me. That is my challenge.

OK thank you. The support feels good. x

Mcribb

I am sorry you have to go through this, in the end you will be stronger for it. I am thankful to God that you shared.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your situation Carmen, but I'm really glad you've found us.
Mags' advice is sound

Welcome to SR
D

CarmenLove

Thank you Dee74.

Soberwolf

Hope the situation improves Carmen