Yogagurl

Just kind of sad today.I'm standing my ground and moving forward. Just some heartache settling in and I'm letting myself feel it and then just letting it pass. I realize it's impossible not to grieve after the loss of a loved one, even if you don't really love them anymore. I don't know if it's my relapse of codependency feeling sorry for my AH or what. I just feel the sadness, let it run it's course, and know it's a temporary feeling. Today I am sad. Tomorrow will be different.

Fandy

Hi Yoga,
I am sorry for your pain, but you have so much going for you! and you have the dog! let yourself heal and be kind, stick close to your brother and family if you can....try to think of one thing that you can do tomorrow that gives you pleasure and makes you feel good.
it's a shame, but it's also a farce. He made the choice, you gave him a LOT of chances, he walked all over you. Now with a fresh start, you can live much better by just supporting yourself and the pets. You are out of crazytown, you want to sleep with a peaceful house. You want your worries to daily just be mundane.
and you want to schedule an exam with both ob-gyno and Primary care. self care.
big hugs from Fandy and the fur kids.

zoso77

You feel what you feel. And I think it's normal, YG. I'd be more scared if you wrote him off without feeling anything. It's grief, and you'll be going through that process in the days and weeks to come.

Just don't allow your grief to influence your decisions.

irisgardens

zoso77--thank you for your post...it was awesome...and balanced...

yogagurl...i, too, am happy you can feel the sadness and grief...because it means you have feelings and you are human and all that is wonderfully great about that state.

Yogagurl

As always, I am very grateful for the replies and support I have received on this forum. The sadness is associated with the pain that I feel as a result of being so mistreated. I look back and I think about how much I gave and how little I got. It hurts miserably. I find myself praying every morning and thanking God that I have the blessings that I do have right now. I find myself thanking God for even the smallest morsel of kindness. And I cry thinking that I SHOULD be treated kindly. I am humble. I just pray that I continue to heal from the damage that was done to my spirit. I don't blame anything on anyone. I just recognize it for what it is and ask for my Higher Power to continue to empower me and to re-instill peace in my heart. I lay in bed sometimes and think, "no one will ever know my story - no one will ever know the extent of the trauma of this relationship but me." I just pray for better relationships and better days to come. I will be OK one day. I am sure of it.

Love and light to all and thank you so much for the encouragement.

Q8QT

Everything you said resonated with me. I am feeling the same.

I threw my AH out two months ago. Today he suddenly started texting me, and it was difficult not to "get into it again" with him. I did my best to just stand my ground and repeat my boundaries. But I still feel like I am trying to force him to get clean, and trying to force my will on him by showing "tough love". But I don't feel like I love him anymore, and I don't think that I want him back.

It is difficult to feel compassion when I am just so angry at him. I feel so emotionally bruised today. I wish that he did not still have that power over me. I am so sad. It helps to know that someone else feels the same.

Yogagurl

Q8QT - thank you for sharing your feelings. I feel exactly the same way and it's so hard to remain grounded and compassionate all at the same time. I almost find myself guilty sometimes for having fun, for enjoying life, and for standing up for myself. I know that time is the only thing that can heal what we are going through, so I let my emotions come and acknowledge them, tell myself that it will pass, cry or throw things, and then try to get grounded again.

I wish you peace and strength to get you through these troublesome times. It will be so worth it in the end. That's what I keep telling myself.