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Why do I feel that detox clinics are social gatherings 2 meet up with alcoholics?



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Why do I feel that detox clinics are social gatherings 2 meet up with alcoholics?

Old 10-22-2014, 02:34 PM
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Why do I feel that detox clinics are social gatherings 2 meet up with alcoholics?

I don't see the logic or reasoning....My husband is in a detox clinical part of a major hospital. When I attend the family and patient meetings, there seems to me to be spirit of fun, games, and a general lack of seriousness on the members part. It's like they are saying: "I can't wait till this meeting is over so we can talk about what we like best, ALCOHOL AND DRUGS!" And then before their 1 week to a month tenure is over, I feel like they exchange numbers and addresses for the sole purpose of meeting up again to start back drinking and taking drugs.

Am I being unreasonable in my thinking? Is it just my imagination why I'm feeling this way? Please help me to understand. Your insightful advice will be highly appreciated.
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Old 10-22-2014, 02:46 PM
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Hi and welcome ssenteews

I've never been in detox or rehab so I have no idea what they're like.

I understand your resentment, but to be honest I think I'd rather see my loved one happy than sick and miserable?

There are sick, unrecovered folks everywhere.
I hope your loved one is there for the right reasons and that he uses this as the chance to turn his life around for good

Best wishes to you both

D
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Old 10-22-2014, 02:49 PM
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What makes you say this? You must have some evidence to have made you draw this conclusion correct?
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Old 10-22-2014, 03:00 PM
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I got out of rehab a month ago. The work and meetings are very serious. When you're cooped up for a month learning how to be sober, it is only natural to make friends and enjoy some levity. There are some people who are in rehabilitation by force and don't take advantage of the opportunity but plenty are serious. I have 54 days today and a big reason for that are the friends I made in rehab. We talk on the phone or text and encourage each other.

I can understand your fears but don't jump to conclusions. Hopefully these friends will be part of a network of support. You will remain his key supporter. Good luck
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Old 10-22-2014, 03:05 PM
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Originally Posted by ssenteews View Post
I don't see the logic or reasoning....My husband is in a detox clinical part of a major hospital. When I attend the family and patient meetings, there seems to me to be spirit of fun, games, and a general lack of seriousness on the members part. It's like they are saying: "I can't wait till this meeting is over so we can talk about what we like best, ALCOHOL AND DRUGS!" And then before their 1 week to a month tenure is over, I feel like they exchange numbers and addresses for the sole purpose of meeting up again to start back drinking and taking drugs.

Am I being unreasonable in my thinking? Is it just my imagination why I'm feeling this way? Please help me to understand. Your insightful advice will be highly appreciated.
As a person who has been in multiple inpatient rehabs in the past, the best way to put it is "every place is different"

Some people are court ordered and/or advised by their lawyer, and some people you meet will have the not serious about recovery vibe to them.

Other people you meet, in group or in general at a treatment center will take their recovery as a life of death situation and approach it with 100% commitment.
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Old 10-22-2014, 03:11 PM
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I didnt go through detox, but am part of AA. Our meetings are often funny & happy, we spend time outside meetings having fun, and we build friendships that are a balance of a support network & just happy, healthy friendships.

I wonder why you think that the purpose of getting contact info is to use together. I'm sure some folks relapse together, but in many, many years of being involved in sobriety I have NEVER had another member call me to suggest that we take drugs or drink together!

I would suggest that you talk about this discomfort in your support group (Alanon,etc). Your man will need to build sober friendships to stay sober, and you'll have to find some way to feel safe as he does so. In early sobriety, quite a bit of time will be dedicated
to fellowship. Some of it will be fun & joyous for him. You will have to create joy in your own life & build social circles that make you happy so that this doesn't make you feel left out. (equalize the fun!)
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Old 10-22-2014, 03:19 PM
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It does happen. Unfortunately, there people not wanting to be there many are still in denial.

Hope, this goes well for your spouse.
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Old 10-22-2014, 03:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Hi and welcome ssenteews

I've never been in detox or rehab so I have no idea what they're like.

I understand your resentment, but to be honest I think I'd rather see my loved one happy than sick and miserable?

There are sick, unrecovered folks everywhere.
I hope your loved one is there for the right reasons and that he uses this as the chance to turn his life around for good

Best wishes to you both

D
Dee74, thank you for your frank and encouraging words? You are right. My husband has to make up in his mind and heart to want to change.
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Old 10-22-2014, 03:44 PM
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Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000 View Post
It does happen. Unfortunately, there people not wanting to be there many are still in denial.

Hope, this goes well for your spouse.
Thank you I appreciate your kind and honest words.
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Old 10-22-2014, 03:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Taking5 View Post
What makes you say this? You must have some evidence to have made you draw this conclusion correct?
Thank you Taking5 for asking that question. When my father and I visited my husband today at the detox clinic for lunch, I overheard a group at the table next to ours talking about how alcohol and drugs made them feel good and took away the pain in their life. I just figured they are working up on waiting to be released from the clinic to start back on their bad habit of drinking and using drugs. My husband does not need to be around such conversations....It is very disheartening to me Taking5.
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Old 10-22-2014, 04:02 PM
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The reality is drugs and alcohol DO take away the pain of life. Until they become the pain itself. Part of treatment is learning how to deal with painful situations and emotions without the drug/drink. Addicts have to learn tools to cope - they've always used something outside themselves.

We cannot control what our loved one hears or says or to whom he speaks.

You would find Al Anon very helpful for yourself - learn about the problem and what you can do to make this easier for you.
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Old 10-22-2014, 04:05 PM
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I've been in detox twice, a 30 day and then a decade later a 60 day. In both cases the daily course work was usually very serious. However during breaks and at the end of the day people would hang out and cut loose a bit. It was pretty normal for people to exchange "war stories" about their addiction. It's just something that everyone there has in common and when a group of strangers get together in close quarters it's pretty normal to speak about shared experiences. As an addict it was always taboo to talk about my extensive use around people that didn't understand. In a detox environment everyone there, well most everyone, can understand, listen, and not judge. Sometimes it takes the edge off a bit in a detox environment to joke around a bit about the ridiculous life you have been living. You can't spend all day every day for 30 days beating yourself up constantly. Rehab is about healing.
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Old 10-22-2014, 04:07 PM
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Originally Posted by heartcore View Post
I didnt go through detox, but am part of AA. Our meetings are often funny & happy, we spend time outside meetings having fun, and we build friendships that are a balance of a support network & just happy, healthy friendships.

I wonder why you think that the purpose of getting contact info is to use together. I'm sure some folks relapse together, but in many, many years of being involved in sobriety I have NEVER had another member call me to suggest that we take drugs or drink together!

I would suggest that you talk about this discomfort in your support group (Alanon,etc). Your man will need to build sober friendships to stay sober, and you'll have to find some way to feel safe as he does so. In early sobriety, quite a bit of time will be dedicated
to fellowship. Some of it will be fun & joyous for him. You will have to create joy in your own life & build social circles that make you happy so that this doesn't make you feel left out. (equalize the fun!)
heartcore, I truly do appreciate your wise insight and experience. Your words made me think: What you are saying is true and it makes so much sense....It is okay to have fun and laughter, after all, these brave persons are battling depression because of their addiction, why not have an upbeat, fun attitude?....I guess I am thinking that they should be more serious at the meetings. Also, it is hard for me to find joy with others because I'm constantly worrying about my husband. Thank you for your straightforward encouragement.
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Old 10-22-2014, 04:18 PM
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My sponsor is a director at a rehab. Strictly forbidden for members of the opposite sex to be fraternizing . Patients are encouraged to get temporary sponsors while they are in treatment.

Did your husband volunteer to go? When, people go only to appease loved ones, places of employment, courts etc. often times there is resentments.
The success of maintaining sobriety dramatically increases when, the individual involved recognizes their substance abuse problem.
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Old 10-22-2014, 04:19 PM
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Originally Posted by biminiblue View Post
The reality is drugs and alcohol DO take away the pain of life. Until they become the pain itself. Part of treatment is learning how to deal with painful situations and emotions without the drug/drink. Addicts have to learn tools to cope - they've always used something outside themselves.

We cannot control what our loved one hears or says or to whom he speaks.

You would find Al Anon very helpful for yourself - learn about the problem and what you can do to make this easier for you.
biminiblue, I appreciate what you have said about the reality is that alcohol and drugs DO take away the painful areas in their life. At the family and patient meeting today, the teacher or therapist made many good points on how to deal with stress and the triggers that cause it. I was very impressed and I learned a lot and vowed to use those points myself. Thank you for sharing "the reality of it all".
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Old 10-22-2014, 04:24 PM
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I have not been to rehab but I have heard from countless people here who have and I surely do not have the impression of it that you do.

I also remember my early weeks of recovery and the last thing I was looking for was a social gathering of any kind.

I would however, have greatly appreciated contact phone numbers from people who could offer me support.

Please keep in mind that alcoholism is not a character flaw. It's a disease. And, those of us who recover, work long and hard to do so.
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Old 10-22-2014, 04:30 PM
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Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000 View Post
My sponsor is a director at a rehab. Strictly forbidden for members of the opposite sex to be fraternizing . Patients are encouraged to get temporary sponsors while they are in treatment.

Did your husband volunteer to go? When, people go only to appease loved ones, places of employment, courts etc. often times there is resentments.
The success of maintaining sobriety dramatically increases when, the individual involved recognizes their substance abuse problem.
CAPTAINZING2000, Wow! Thank you. I have realized all along that trying to stop an addiction for all the wrong reasons will not work. I will mention this to my husband because I believe the only reason he has volunteered to go into a detox program, is because his job is on the line....He talks about getting is job completely back if he "passes inspection"....It is so so sad, because his job is one of the main reasons he started back drinking.
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Old 10-22-2014, 04:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
I have not been to rehab but I have heard from countless people here who have and I surely do not have the impression of it that you do.

I also remember my early weeks of recovery and the last thing I was looking for was a social gathering of any kind.

I would however, have greatly appreciated contact phone numbers from people who could offer me support.

Please keep in mind that alcoholism is not a character flaw. It's a disease. And, those of us who recover, work long and hard to do so.
Anna, wow! what can I say? Thank you for setting me straight in my thinking. I am working on not having negative thoughts concerning my hubby. Your replies and all the other replies have greatly assisted me. It's as if I have been to therapy meeting or session for myself on this wonderful site. Thanks again.
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Old 10-22-2014, 04:47 PM
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Originally Posted by JustTrogdor View Post
I've been in detox twice, a 30 day and then a decade later a 60 day. In both cases the daily course work was usually very serious. However during breaks and at the end of the day people would hang out and cut loose a bit. It was pretty normal for people to exchange "war stories" about their addiction. It's just something that everyone there has in common and when a group of strangers get together in close quarters it's pretty normal to speak about shared experiences. As an addict it was always taboo to talk about my extensive use around people that didn't understand. In a detox environment everyone there, well most everyone, can understand, listen, and not judge. Sometimes it takes the edge off a bit in a detox environment to joke around a bit about the ridiculous life you have been living. You can't spend all day every day for 30 days beating yourself up constantly. Rehab is about healing.
JustTrogdor, I am sitting here crying tears of happiness because of your reply. I needed to read your very encouraging words from your heart. Thank you so much for sharing a part of your life with me, because it has given me more insight along with the other comments to stay positive and that there is nothing wrong with talking about past "experiences" with alcohol and substance abuse.
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Old 10-22-2014, 04:51 PM
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Originally Posted by JustCrusade View Post
As a person who has been in multiple inpatient rehabs in the past, the best way to put it is "every place is different"

Some people are court ordered and/or advised by their lawyer, and some people you meet will have the not serious about recovery vibe to them.

Other people you meet, in group or in general at a treatment center will take their recovery as a life of death situation and approach it with 100% commitment.
Your words are greatly appreciated. Thank you.
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