New Here and..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Bristol
Posts: 3
New Here and..
New here and looking for advice from people who have been where I am and able to get sober and stay sober.
I'm mid 30s but have been (what I think) a somewhat moderate drinker for the past 10 years. It started with a 6 pack on friday, to drinking friday and saturday, to drinking whenever I had something at the house if anything was left after the weekend drinking. But now, it's almost daily. Usually 8 beers, or a pint of liquor after the wife and kids are in bed. So I consume that much in about a 2-3 hour window before I go to bed. I keep it hidden from them, but she knows or suspects I drink at night, but she doesn't realize how much or often.
Also, I don't get hangovers...unless I drink an insanely large amount and my father and two half brothers were/are alcoholics..and one of them drank himself to death by the time he was in his mid to late 40s.
I don't want to go down that road and that's why I'm here. But all the times I've said I'd stop always fails. I tried AA, didn't really change anything. I hate feeling so controlled by the desire to drink. When I'm driving home from work, I think about all the places I can stop to pick something up...if I get home and I didn't stop to get something, I regret it and will sometimes sneak out at night to go buy some. It's like a sense of comfort if I know I have it there to drink later (but I tell myself "you won't drink it, you just like knowing you have it if you want it")...and sure enough, I drink it everytime....
So, that's me right now and I want to change. All advice and suggestions welcome. oh, and does the desire to drink ever really go away or you just learn to ignore it?
Thanks!
I'm mid 30s but have been (what I think) a somewhat moderate drinker for the past 10 years. It started with a 6 pack on friday, to drinking friday and saturday, to drinking whenever I had something at the house if anything was left after the weekend drinking. But now, it's almost daily. Usually 8 beers, or a pint of liquor after the wife and kids are in bed. So I consume that much in about a 2-3 hour window before I go to bed. I keep it hidden from them, but she knows or suspects I drink at night, but she doesn't realize how much or often.
Also, I don't get hangovers...unless I drink an insanely large amount and my father and two half brothers were/are alcoholics..and one of them drank himself to death by the time he was in his mid to late 40s.
I don't want to go down that road and that's why I'm here. But all the times I've said I'd stop always fails. I tried AA, didn't really change anything. I hate feeling so controlled by the desire to drink. When I'm driving home from work, I think about all the places I can stop to pick something up...if I get home and I didn't stop to get something, I regret it and will sometimes sneak out at night to go buy some. It's like a sense of comfort if I know I have it there to drink later (but I tell myself "you won't drink it, you just like knowing you have it if you want it")...and sure enough, I drink it everytime....
So, that's me right now and I want to change. All advice and suggestions welcome. oh, and does the desire to drink ever really go away or you just learn to ignore it?
Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 199
Congratulations you are seeing that you have a problem before it gets out of hand. Trust me, alcoholism is a progressive disease, it will eventually get out of hand. You will lose everything if you let it go long enough. I believe that alcoholism can be heredity, some may argue against. Realizing your family history and seeing a loved one drink themselves to death can be considered a wake up call.
This is the beginning of a conscious change. You will need a plan, you will need support you will need to tell a few people close to you what you intend to do to give yourself some accountability. SR is a great place to start and a valuable tool to use along the way. A lot of great advice here. Best of luck to you in your sobriety.
This is the beginning of a conscious change. You will need a plan, you will need support you will need to tell a few people close to you what you intend to do to give yourself some accountability. SR is a great place to start and a valuable tool to use along the way. A lot of great advice here. Best of luck to you in your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
Hello and welcome to SR.
I was sneaking alcohol in the house and drinking high test vodka by the time I decided to quit. It gets progressively worse as time goes by. I'm glad you have recognized this and want to stop before it gets out of hand.
I will not kid you,it's hard. But, you know what, you can do it!
You know that comfort you feel when there's a bottle waiting for later.
You'll have 100 times that comfort knowing you're in charge again and drinking is a thing of the past.
I was sneaking alcohol in the house and drinking high test vodka by the time I decided to quit. It gets progressively worse as time goes by. I'm glad you have recognized this and want to stop before it gets out of hand.
I will not kid you,it's hard. But, you know what, you can do it!
You know that comfort you feel when there's a bottle waiting for later.
You'll have 100 times that comfort knowing you're in charge again and drinking is a thing of the past.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
welcome Jason, the old, "Drink after they go to bed trick." I know that one very well. But I was at the "Drink before they wake up trick" too. From the sounds of it, you are heading toward the morning drink. Don't scoff. Sooner or later...
I drank more than you and never had hangovers. Must be something going on eh? Try skipping a day or two and see how ugly your body responds. If it does get ugly I would see a doctor - emergency room if necessary.
Before that I would seek out an alcohol counselor if you can. There are many ways to stop and stay quit. Find one that works for you. The most important thing is that you want to do this for yourself. Having the true desire to stop is paramount to any program you enlist. But know that you cannot moderate or attempt to drink casually again. From your description of your experience, you will end up right back where you left off or worse.
Welcome and good luck.
I drank more than you and never had hangovers. Must be something going on eh? Try skipping a day or two and see how ugly your body responds. If it does get ugly I would see a doctor - emergency room if necessary.
Before that I would seek out an alcohol counselor if you can. There are many ways to stop and stay quit. Find one that works for you. The most important thing is that you want to do this for yourself. Having the true desire to stop is paramount to any program you enlist. But know that you cannot moderate or attempt to drink casually again. From your description of your experience, you will end up right back where you left off or worse.
Welcome and good luck.
Living Sober
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 555
Hey Jason1234, welcome!
Yeah, the 'sneaking' part is a pretty good indication that it's time to act. As mentioned, we've pretty much all been there. For me, it went from sneaking to concealing by way of replacing the water with vodka in some the water bottles. From there, it went to several morning shots just to tame the shakes.
I, too, never got hangovers, which sort of makes it more difficult, in some respects, to stop.
It's very progressive indeed, but you look like you're getting your arms around it before things get worse. Nice job, and I hope to see around here often.
PS-
I think, for me at least, the 'desire' to drink has pretty much gone (after 15 months) however I do still desire much of the drinking culture, such as beers with the guys; beers with the tailgate parties, etc... However, I'll coin a phrase from another member (Ethos23) who said "to create a life where alcohol just didn't belong." I think this is a very important phase. To reinvent who you are.
Yeah, the 'sneaking' part is a pretty good indication that it's time to act. As mentioned, we've pretty much all been there. For me, it went from sneaking to concealing by way of replacing the water with vodka in some the water bottles. From there, it went to several morning shots just to tame the shakes.
I, too, never got hangovers, which sort of makes it more difficult, in some respects, to stop.
It's very progressive indeed, but you look like you're getting your arms around it before things get worse. Nice job, and I hope to see around here often.
PS-
oh, and does the desire to drink ever really go away or you just learn to ignore it?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Jason, of the countless reasons and past experiences I had, I kept on drinking. The day it actually affected my livelihood was the day I quit. Too bad I waited until an event that cost me my job. But I made a vow that day that I will never allow alcohol to affect my life again. Never no how! The only way to ensure that is to never drink again. So far I am almost 10 months into never-ever land. Loving it more each day.
A friend commented yesterday after he asked me if I was still clean and sober. He told me I was high on life and experiencing reality with a clear head. So true.
A friend commented yesterday after he asked me if I was still clean and sober. He told me I was high on life and experiencing reality with a clear head. So true.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Welcome
Unfortunately AA is not going to change you. Only you have the power to do that. AA will supply you with tools and a methodology that if used has been successful for countless others.
There is no magic but with a lot of effort it works
Unfortunately AA is not going to change you. Only you have the power to do that. AA will supply you with tools and a methodology that if used has been successful for countless others.
There is no magic but with a lot of effort it works
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum Jason!! 
For me it all came down to changing my routines and lifestyle, simply taking alcohol out of the equation and simply resisting never worked, I'd still be sitting in front of the TV with a lot of time on my hands, and my mind would convince me to drink.
Instead I needed to change up what I did with my time, the activities I got involved in, the people I hung out with, and the most important thing was support, having a place like SR to deal with all the myths and fairytales my mind would try and sell me!!
You can do it too!!
For me it all came down to changing my routines and lifestyle, simply taking alcohol out of the equation and simply resisting never worked, I'd still be sitting in front of the TV with a lot of time on my hands, and my mind would convince me to drink.
Instead I needed to change up what I did with my time, the activities I got involved in, the people I hung out with, and the most important thing was support, having a place like SR to deal with all the myths and fairytales my mind would try and sell me!!
You can do it too!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Moscow
Posts: 25
Hi Jason!
Welcome to SR!
Believe - you already have power to escape.
You only need to activate it. This power is real.
It is not too much important if you will do it with AA help or another way.
But certainly it is more hard and risky to do it only by your own.
At this forum you will read many ideas and I am sure you will make your own plan the best one for you.
Good luck and keep active!
Welcome to SR!
Believe - you already have power to escape.
You only need to activate it. This power is real.
It is not too much important if you will do it with AA help or another way.
But certainly it is more hard and risky to do it only by your own.
At this forum you will read many ideas and I am sure you will make your own plan the best one for you.
Good luck and keep active!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Bristol
Posts: 3
There are certainly things I've done to help enable myself to keep drinking without notice. I think I'll start by removing those things, the separate bank account, staying up very late, etc.
Thanks again for all the encouragement!
Thanks again for all the encouragement!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
Ah...the secret bank account to buy alcohol without your sweetie knowing...
I think it is safe to say that when our machinations to drink "privately" get that elaborate, we've got a serious difficulty with the booze...
Many of us found ourselves leading double lives. One of the great gifts of sobriety is the opportunity to claim your whole self & be integrated & authentic. This same thing is the raw & difficult part too, but as your "I'm fully me" muscles build, it feels really great!
I think it is safe to say that when our machinations to drink "privately" get that elaborate, we've got a serious difficulty with the booze...
Many of us found ourselves leading double lives. One of the great gifts of sobriety is the opportunity to claim your whole self & be integrated & authentic. This same thing is the raw & difficult part too, but as your "I'm fully me" muscles build, it feels really great!
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