PickleMan

Anyone ever get soo sick of dealing with addiction that they seriously consider suicide as a permanent solution?

Some days I would rather be dead than be a recovering addict

trachemys

No.

Not only no but hell no.

Not only hell no but no effing way no.

I may hate me as a drunk but I love me.

Soberwolf

Hi Pickle whats up get it off your chest speak with us

here for you

gracetuesday

I can say that as long as I was trying to "successfully drink," I was pretty freaking miserable.

However, when I am sober, probably because I am not dumping a depressant into my body/brain; life seems much easier & I am no longer caught up in that cycle of self loathing and feeling like death warmed-over.

People DO recover from alcoholism every day. There IS hope!

Sending you some hope this morning...

5KRunner

One of my tipping points toward sobriety was Googling "easy ways to kill myself" after a weekend binge.

Suicide is not the answer. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

There are lots of good resources, including the stickies at the top of the forum. Reach out to someone as soon as possible and get all the resources you need ASAP.

Dee74

If you need help Pickle Man (or anyone else reading this) please do look through this link - there's a lot of excellent reading here and a lot of crisis and help numbers.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

Despair can be overwhelming - but it's a mistake to make a life changing decision on the way you might feel today...things, can, do, and will get better, I promise - because I've been there.

D

PickleMan

Ive been trying and trying and each time I fail, I not only have to answer to myself, which is hard enough, but I have a significant other than absolutely tears into me and tells me how bad I hurt her.

It just sometimes seems easier to end my life than try to recover

IOAA2

Hi.
Probably the closest I’ve been is being sick and tired of being sick and tired after numerous flings at sobriety. That gave me the push to start to follow directions I didn’t want to as mush for brains looks for quick escapes.
Gratefully that was many years ago.
Unfortunately far too many choose or go that way because they didn’t get it. VERY SAD.

BE WELL

Dee74

Like I said, read the link. I can see you're upset, but you're just not thinking clearly if you think recovery is impossible.

Recovery is possible - it may just be you haven't found the right combination of things yet, recoverywise?

what have you tried, PM?

D

iggy24

i would suggest getting some help..maybe trying psych meds. suicidal ideation is not about alcohol intake control..it's about mental health issues

ScottFromWI

That's irrational thinking pickle. If you are truly having those types of thoughts you need to seek outside help. Suicide hotlines are staffed 24/7 and your local phone book should have the number listed, or you could simply call 911 too. Please be safe and err on the side of caution with this .

jazzfish

There is also a national suicide prevention lifeline at: 1-800-273-8255

Nuudawn

I'm so very sorry for your pain Pickleman...
So it is not so much recovery but your difficulty in staying on path that is causing you such suffering.
I get that.
The day comes where it is "enough" and you are able to do what you think you cannot.
You CAN do this Pickle. Please speak to someone about your pain...immediately.

PickleMan

I am on psych meds and they are working fine. I am not like on the verge of doing it. It just enters my head every time I have a relapse. It's like "man, this disease owns me and no one understands."

I am doing some stuff for my recovery today with my sponsor and hopefully I can find a job soon and stuff starts to get better

Soberwolf

Good to hear Pickle you can do this

we are all here for you whenever you need

spk soon whenever you want friend

PickleMan

Thanks, SR has been a great support for me so far.

I know it ultimately comes down to me and my ability to make the right decisions even when my disease pushes me the other way

happycampers

getting a job, any job, will really help! It'll give you something to keep busy with, it'll put $$$ in your pocket, it'll make your girl happy and you'll feel much better about yourself. Go find one = any one for now - good luck !!!

jazzfish

I do understand that desperation and while not actively considering suicide, I would not have been disspointed with the results. Realizing that marked a turning point and I started to see recovery in terms of life or death rather than sober or drunk. My recovery has not been perfect, but I have started asking for help from real people and counselors (and listening!) which is huge change for me.

Dee74

Use the boards as much as you need to PM. Join some of the group threads, maybe?
(Class of October, Under One Year, 24 Hour Recovery Connection)

D

aasharon90

With proper help from our physicians and
a recovery program in place, there should
be no need to have dark thoughts of dieing.

When we put so much poison in our bodies,
affecting our minds and systems it causes
a chemical imbalance.

That is why we work closely with our
doctors and recovery programs to help
us learn to live a healthier, happier, quality
of life we can possibly live.

Living life has its ups and downs as it
would normally be. However, I wouldn't
trade one single sober day for all the
drunk, dark days I had yrs. ago.

I often remind myself that

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

no matter what it is. And sure enough
it does and the sun shines brightly like
no other.