countrygirl2014

I try not to start two threads in a day but I really need to vent. My fiancé. It was so nice while he was fishing for a week but now that he is home, I wish he would go back.
I'm tired of him being **** drunk every night. I'm tired of making him shower and brush his teeth. I'm tired of his drunken snoring. I am going to sleep on the couch because I'm tired of it. He smells like a brewery and tries to act sober. It doesn't work. No one can understand him. He fell over tonight attempting to lean against a counter and tried to hide his drunkeness by showering and going straight to bed. I am so mad! There is never time for me and I feel like smacking his snoring head. I'm sorry guys. It's 9:50. He's passed out already and I hate it. And there is nothing I can do about it.

Stevie1

So he's your fiancé. This means you're planning to marry him?
It sounds like you don't like him very much...how is this until-death-do-you-part going to work out, do you think?

bunnezjp

Smack him. Lord knows I deserved it, acted like him way too many times.

Tough love, sorry you're having a crappy time.

Bunnez

suki44883

Well, you're right, you cannot change what he does. However, you can decide what you are not willing to live with. Do you really want to marry this guy and live this way for the rest of your life?

You have some decisions to make.

BlissWithin

Its a good thing to vent countrygirl. I have an alcoholic father who comes home every other day drunk so I can relate. It kinda sucks, but hey at least Im not drinking to cope with that or any other problem as I used to.

countrygirl2014

There's nothing happening any time soon. And I'm taking the advice of fellow SR people...no drastic decisions yet. I just don't like things not in my control. Which is one of my character defects. Venting was supposed to help. It didn't.

countrygirl2014

It's very difficult in early sobriety to not judge. He was supposed to be on this trip with me. It seems he had gotten worse. Drinking at work so I don't know. It reeks out the pores, god was I that stupid too?
Oh and I smacked him. The snoring makes me want to scream. It's a beer snore. Yuck.
Oh and just a side note...his inability to go sober with me has no effect on me. If anything it makes it easier. It's gross. And I can't believe I acted this way ever.

Stevie1

You go, girl. I'm reminded of that saying, "everyone makes mistakes."
And the companion saying, "some people marry their mistakes."

Just, don't marry your mistake, I guess!

5KRunner

Relationships are complicated. My wife sure had a lot of reasons to leave me during the heights of my drunkenness and insanity, but she didn't. She stuck with me. I'm really lucky. (I'm also really sober now, which has helped to begin the process of repairing past wrongs.)

I hope it all works out for you, countrygirl.

dirk626

Run CG...run. I say this as an alcoholic married to a sober person who has loved me and stood by me for 22 years. If I could go back in time I wouldn't speak to her, let alone ask her out on a date. Only because I love her so much. I can only speak for myself, but I know the pain I have caused. I know the position I have put her in. She would never tell me this, but I believe that if she knew then what she knows now, she would have run for the hills. The snoring comment really hit home. My wife hasn't had a good nights sleep in years. Good luck to the both of you.

Soberwolf

Countrygirl im sorry things are like that

There is no Alcohol allowed in the family home and my gf hates alcohol as much as i do she used to drink herself

i think its plain wrong what your fiance is doing its inconsiderate and poses the question is he alcoholic aswell ? sounds very drunk around his newly sober fiance doesnt sound like he respects that or you at all what happened to love ?

a drastic decision in this case would be keeeping things as they are when you know things cant go on like this

Good luck hope it improves

Taking5

Run, don't walk, out of that relationship.

MythOfSisyphus

Countrygirl, it reminds me of the lyrics to a Built To Spill song:

And when it's over
Set aside a moment to forget
It's now or never
Now's the chance to choose what you'll regret

Now is the time to choose what you'll regret. Marrying him won't change him, it will just up the stakes. If this isn't how you want to spend the next 50 years better change something.

Pulling for you! Don't let him drag you down with him.

sprout50

Have you talked to him about his drinking? Does he think he has a problem? Do you have any children? Generally, it's not a good idea to make major decisions in early sobriety but this may be the exception. What brought the two of you together? Drinking? Were you drinking buddies? And if you have children, do you want them to grow up around his drinking? It may be time to make that big decision.

Marcher13

countrygirl you made the choice to be sober and I applaud you for that, sobriety is a gift.

You have a choice in this relationship, you don't have to decide today or even tomorrow, but don't forget that you have a choice.

PurpleKnight

The important thing is to focus on your Sobriety, what everyone else does around us is there choice, we can't change them if they don't want to.

But who we choose to fill our time with, the activities, the people, that can be our choice.

It's a difficult one but posting and venting is always a good idea!!

luvmygirls

One of the few things I like about my husband these days is that he's not an alcoholic. What's that saying...if you have alcoholic parents you will either become a drunk or marry one (something like that). I absolutely could not IMAGINE doing both, especially because I have kids. Hang in there, CG. You're doing all the right things, but remember that drinking is not all ugliness, and sometime he will be doing it and it will remind you that it used to be fun. And you might think, "he gets to do it, and I've been so good for so long, I deserve it too!" At least that's what I would probably think. It sounds like you have a really tough decision to make, but maybe you can prevent this situation from being permanent by not marrying him? (((hugs)))

countrygirl2014

After mulling over everything everyone said I have come to this decision. No, I WILL NOT be marrying anyone. But...I will also stay put for now. Not because I love him, I'm actually having a lot of doubts about that right now. Financially, I need to be here right now. He isn't hurting anyone, it bothers me. It bothers me because I have no control of it. I am going to try very hard and make this house my classroom for one of my defects...control issues. In the meantime, I AM working on getting a new career. My class is November first, my test will be scheduled soon after, my application can go in after that, then I cross my fingers for an opening in spring and there we go. I have a second choice lined up if that doesn't work. I can actually attempt choice 2 at any time if I want. I might. I will see how I feel next week. Lol, I just worked this out. Oh and most important...staying sober. I totally just worked this out. Huh...that's a first.

Overit23

Countrygirl sorry what you are going through. I would let him know he needs to get sober or leave...Wish you all the best~

tommyinphilly

Be careful. Marriage will make nothing easier. I can't imagine marrying someone with reservations