Dealing with death
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
Dealing with death
Last Wednesday, my parents and myself had not heard from my sister, Debbie. Debbie lives around the corner from my folks. All in alaska. dad went over and had to knock the door down. He found Debbie in bed, computer on her side, TV on and the controls on her other side. She appeared to be asleep. There was no muss in bed, no torn up covers, no sign she reached for the phone. No struggle. We thank God for a peaceful death. She just died at 57. She was my best friend in this big old lonely world.
I have been overwhelmed with the continous waves of grief. With every person wanting to hug and comfort me, just brings on fresh crashing waves. I do not know if you can ever be prepared for the passing of a loving family member, sudden or not. Debbie had a 12 year old poodle that all of us wanted, but non could keep. Parents can't get around enough to be picking up poo, and Debbie's one and only daughter Michelle has animals and I have four. This dog had to be an only dog. After much networking, we found an 82 year old crazy dog lady angel! She just had to put her dog down and wanted an older poodle, small and female. A match made in heaven. We enjoyed the idea of the sweet dog living her days out with the 82 year old animal angel. 22 hours of bliss we had. Today as we were picking out funeral flowers came THE call. The lady took Debbie's dog to the vet for a check up. The dog was in severe liver failure, with no outward symptoms. Now my niece and myself drive to the other end of town and put Debbie's dog to sleep. Really....
People no matter your age, get your affairs in order. Put your account/credit cards/stocks/retirement papers and account numbers somewhere your survivors can easily locate them. Make a will. Pick your funeral out, pay for it, with all your funeral wishes and how you wish your possessions to be split up or given away. Your survivors are too overwhelmed to make good sound decisions in this time of grief. And we want to do what you would want us to do with your stuff, if you would only take an hour and write it out for the survivors. We are at the point, we are at each other's throat trying to cope.
I do not know how to act or what to say to people. The funeral is tomorrow. Praying to act like a normal person tomorrow, minimizing the amount of meltdowns, and not snapping everyone's head off. Because I have one scraggly raw nerve left, and everyone is on it. I am just so devastated, it feels like life will always be this sad.
Sorry for the sad post. I'm just so damn sad. I love you guys. I just wanted to touch base.
Thank you Pam.
I have been overwhelmed with the continous waves of grief. With every person wanting to hug and comfort me, just brings on fresh crashing waves. I do not know if you can ever be prepared for the passing of a loving family member, sudden or not. Debbie had a 12 year old poodle that all of us wanted, but non could keep. Parents can't get around enough to be picking up poo, and Debbie's one and only daughter Michelle has animals and I have four. This dog had to be an only dog. After much networking, we found an 82 year old crazy dog lady angel! She just had to put her dog down and wanted an older poodle, small and female. A match made in heaven. We enjoyed the idea of the sweet dog living her days out with the 82 year old animal angel. 22 hours of bliss we had. Today as we were picking out funeral flowers came THE call. The lady took Debbie's dog to the vet for a check up. The dog was in severe liver failure, with no outward symptoms. Now my niece and myself drive to the other end of town and put Debbie's dog to sleep. Really....
People no matter your age, get your affairs in order. Put your account/credit cards/stocks/retirement papers and account numbers somewhere your survivors can easily locate them. Make a will. Pick your funeral out, pay for it, with all your funeral wishes and how you wish your possessions to be split up or given away. Your survivors are too overwhelmed to make good sound decisions in this time of grief. And we want to do what you would want us to do with your stuff, if you would only take an hour and write it out for the survivors. We are at the point, we are at each other's throat trying to cope.
I do not know how to act or what to say to people. The funeral is tomorrow. Praying to act like a normal person tomorrow, minimizing the amount of meltdowns, and not snapping everyone's head off. Because I have one scraggly raw nerve left, and everyone is on it. I am just so devastated, it feels like life will always be this sad.
Sorry for the sad post. I'm just so damn sad. I love you guys. I just wanted to touch base.
Thank you Pam.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Wellington, NZ
Posts: 250
Hey Pam,
I'm really sorry. This must be such a gut wrenching time for you. It sounds like you're doing the very best you can, though. I think you should be proud of that. You're in my prayers, take care.
I'm really sorry. This must be such a gut wrenching time for you. It sounds like you're doing the very best you can, though. I think you should be proud of that. You're in my prayers, take care.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Raider I know it's hard for and your niece to take Debbie's dog to be put down but she'll be with Debbie which will be a comfort for them both. As a dog lover myself I love the Rainbow Bridge story.
As for what you do/say at the funeral, you don't have to do or say anything Pam, you are the bereaved. "Thank you" will cover most things that will be said and that's all you have to do as far as other people are concerned.
I will be there with you in spirit.
As for what you do/say at the funeral, you don't have to do or say anything Pam, you are the bereaved. "Thank you" will cover most things that will be said and that's all you have to do as far as other people are concerned.
I will be there with you in spirit.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
I wish there were words that could comfort, Pam. Nothing but time will help, I fear. When we lose someone we love the pain eventually diminishes but nothing completely fills the hole in our heart and life that they used to occupy.
I wish you well for tomorrow. Be patient and kind if you can- many people will want to help but not know how, what to comfort you but not know what to say. Just try to accept life tomorrow, whatever happens, just for one day.
I wish you well for tomorrow. Be patient and kind if you can- many people will want to help but not know how, what to comfort you but not know what to say. Just try to accept life tomorrow, whatever happens, just for one day.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 51
I am so very sorry for what you are going through. There is nothing worse. I hope you find a little bit of closure with the funeral, and things slow down for you so you can grieve properly. I hope you continue to post here anytime you need here.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Pam i am so sorry you are hurting, but glad you are being strong for your parents. Debbie passed way too young, ( i am 56), but she has no pain and you know she will always be with you in your heart.
It's a terrible shock and your whole world is upset. You are going to get through this, but there is no time limit on grief. Just get through the funeral.
It's a terrible shock and your whole world is upset. You are going to get through this, but there is no time limit on grief. Just get through the funeral.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: South Shore, MA
Posts: 348
Hi Pam, your sister sounds pretty awesome to have been loved so much. I hope you find a bit of solace that she isn't alone and has her beloved pup. Ther is no normal way to act, all you can do is muster up your best. Thinking of you
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