I really dont understand...
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Cedarburg Wisconsin
Posts: 6
I really dont understand...
Im new to this board, I just joined last week, I dont know if you can see all my threads, thus seeing my story that I have explained so far.
I really just dont understand how an addict becomes an addict, Ive read the threads that describe an addict.
BUT Im 48, I was in high school in the heyday of drugs, Ive done more than my share. I like the downers, at one point in my life my sister had a script for valiums and she was overseas so she let me continue to get them filled, I dont remember the amount but it was some obscene amount of pills, so many in fact that I gave 1/2 away each month, but when the doctor said "I need to see you before I refill again" that was it for me, the opportunity was gone and I was over it. No trying to outsmart the doctor or get them from somewhere else, I had used for like 6 months, when it was over it was over.
Another situation was with diet pills, a legit doctor in our area was easy to get from, I did that for like two years, full blown speed, black beauties and white crosses, that doctor left now, it was over. Plain and simple. Ive done ludes, Ive smoked pot, all of it. But nothing that ever consumed my life and every waking thought.
I have bad pain from female problems, ones that an operation is required to change it, Im not quite ready for the operation so I put up with it, Ive put up with it for about 20 years now. Sometimes my AH would offer me a pain pill, I simply couldnt take the oxc, it made me feel sick and woozy, once and awhile I would take a 1/2 a perc and that helped but once again not something I depended on. So I just dont understand how a drug can take control of your life. I believe its still your choice. I mean, Ive been thru poor times and times when I did have money, and when I didnt have money, if it was a choice between putting food on the table for me and my kids and buying pot........I bought the food. So I really dont understand something being in control of your life, a substance. The only thing I can vaguely relate it to is the fact that I smoke. I have only quit smoking when I was pregnant and then started again after so I know that smoking is an addiction for me, but yet I know if they were made illegal I would survive, I wouldnt be going to the black market, I wouldnt be spending all my money, I would go thru the physical withdrawl part and probably be pretty bitchey but in the end if its over its over. Plain and simple for me.
So when someone starts not only ruining their life but also people around them are hurt, monies that you dont have are spent, your personality changes, all of that, I dont understand it and really dont have that much tolerance for it. Im not saying Im cold about it, I mean Ive lived with my husband using for about 8 years now, but there is a point that we reached where I just know, I dont have the strength to do it anymore. I love him, but that doesnt mean I love all that he does. I cant sit back and have my life destroyed from his choices. God gave me this life and it is precious.
If it were one of my kids, well I probably would have been a little more demanding about how they handle it and got them somewhere sooner, but in the end, I know that they would do it. I dont think its natural not to have that self preservation over your own life to not let it go down the tubes to a substance.
I really just dont understand how an addict becomes an addict, Ive read the threads that describe an addict.
BUT Im 48, I was in high school in the heyday of drugs, Ive done more than my share. I like the downers, at one point in my life my sister had a script for valiums and she was overseas so she let me continue to get them filled, I dont remember the amount but it was some obscene amount of pills, so many in fact that I gave 1/2 away each month, but when the doctor said "I need to see you before I refill again" that was it for me, the opportunity was gone and I was over it. No trying to outsmart the doctor or get them from somewhere else, I had used for like 6 months, when it was over it was over.
Another situation was with diet pills, a legit doctor in our area was easy to get from, I did that for like two years, full blown speed, black beauties and white crosses, that doctor left now, it was over. Plain and simple. Ive done ludes, Ive smoked pot, all of it. But nothing that ever consumed my life and every waking thought.
I have bad pain from female problems, ones that an operation is required to change it, Im not quite ready for the operation so I put up with it, Ive put up with it for about 20 years now. Sometimes my AH would offer me a pain pill, I simply couldnt take the oxc, it made me feel sick and woozy, once and awhile I would take a 1/2 a perc and that helped but once again not something I depended on. So I just dont understand how a drug can take control of your life. I believe its still your choice. I mean, Ive been thru poor times and times when I did have money, and when I didnt have money, if it was a choice between putting food on the table for me and my kids and buying pot........I bought the food. So I really dont understand something being in control of your life, a substance. The only thing I can vaguely relate it to is the fact that I smoke. I have only quit smoking when I was pregnant and then started again after so I know that smoking is an addiction for me, but yet I know if they were made illegal I would survive, I wouldnt be going to the black market, I wouldnt be spending all my money, I would go thru the physical withdrawl part and probably be pretty bitchey but in the end if its over its over. Plain and simple for me.
So when someone starts not only ruining their life but also people around them are hurt, monies that you dont have are spent, your personality changes, all of that, I dont understand it and really dont have that much tolerance for it. Im not saying Im cold about it, I mean Ive lived with my husband using for about 8 years now, but there is a point that we reached where I just know, I dont have the strength to do it anymore. I love him, but that doesnt mean I love all that he does. I cant sit back and have my life destroyed from his choices. God gave me this life and it is precious.
If it were one of my kids, well I probably would have been a little more demanding about how they handle it and got them somewhere sooner, but in the end, I know that they would do it. I dont think its natural not to have that self preservation over your own life to not let it go down the tubes to a substance.
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
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needstrength,
This is going to sound a tad harsh but I am you...took drugs and never got hooked. But BINGO...I did get hooked...to an addict! Not so different, just a different application and the same life.
I don't blame him anymore...I look at me.
Hugs,
JT
This is going to sound a tad harsh but I am you...took drugs and never got hooked. But BINGO...I did get hooked...to an addict! Not so different, just a different application and the same life.
I don't blame him anymore...I look at me.
Hugs,
JT
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Cedarburg Wisconsin
Posts: 6
Perhaps, I dont know tho, this isnt my first marriage, I was married and with my childrens father for 11 years, I was the one that left. No addiction problems or substance problems in that marriage, I just wasnt happy and really didnt think there was much love in that marriage. Then I lived with another man after that for about 7 years, I ended that one too.
So with my current husband, I dont think Im addicted to an addict, Im in love with him, but in the end, I will decide what is the end for me and that would be that.
This is my first experience I believe with an addict.
Altho I would have to read some of the codie stuff everyone recommends to see if my childhood or any of that applies.
But Im not stuck here, I choose to be here, I believe I still love him thus I stay. But like I said, Im new to this and I have to read some of the literture and get to a meeting for myself.
But thanks for the thought.
So with my current husband, I dont think Im addicted to an addict, Im in love with him, but in the end, I will decide what is the end for me and that would be that.
This is my first experience I believe with an addict.
Altho I would have to read some of the codie stuff everyone recommends to see if my childhood or any of that applies.
But Im not stuck here, I choose to be here, I believe I still love him thus I stay. But like I said, Im new to this and I have to read some of the literture and get to a meeting for myself.
But thanks for the thought.
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Cedarburg Wisconsin
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So if that were true, about myself, me being addicted to an addict, is that saying that if I didnt have that personality trait that 1. my AH wouldnt have got addicted or 2. that I wouldnt have ended up with him in the 1st place?
And because his addiction happened after we were together does this mean I was drawn to him because he was a needy person deep down and I needed to be with someone I could fix?
And because his addiction happened after we were together does this mean I was drawn to him because he was a needy person deep down and I needed to be with someone I could fix?
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: I'm right here
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I firmly believe the addiction process starts when the drug in question is used for mood-adjustment rather than recreation.
When ones mind learns that the substances that are normally used for fun can be used on a daily basis to alleviate boredom, alter personality, dull pain or insulate one from unpleasant emotions...
Thats when the hook sets in, addiction and craving develops and the mind will never be the same.
When ones mind learns that the substances that are normally used for fun can be used on a daily basis to alleviate boredom, alter personality, dull pain or insulate one from unpleasant emotions...
Thats when the hook sets in, addiction and craving develops and the mind will never be the same.
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Hi needstrength,
Welcome. Part of my problem was that I was always looking for some one or something outside of myself to make me happy. I was addicted to searching for happiness. I finally realized what people meant by "Happiness is an inside job." No matter where I am in life, or who I'm with, there are going to be bad things happening. I can keep trying to change everyone and everything, or moving on to what seems to be greener pastures, OR I can take a look at why I seem to always be unhappy. Figuring out the addict won't give me a solution. The solution is figuring out me. Stick around. There are people here who have found happiness right in their own back yard. I have learned so much from them. Hugs, Magic
Welcome. Part of my problem was that I was always looking for some one or something outside of myself to make me happy. I was addicted to searching for happiness. I finally realized what people meant by "Happiness is an inside job." No matter where I am in life, or who I'm with, there are going to be bad things happening. I can keep trying to change everyone and everything, or moving on to what seems to be greener pastures, OR I can take a look at why I seem to always be unhappy. Figuring out the addict won't give me a solution. The solution is figuring out me. Stick around. There are people here who have found happiness right in their own back yard. I have learned so much from them. Hugs, Magic
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Hopeland
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Originally Posted by Birddog
I firmly believe the addiction process starts when the drug in question is used for mood-adjustment rather than recreation.
When ones mind learns that the substances that are normally used for fun can be used on a daily basis to alleviate boredom, alter personality, dull pain or insulate one from unpleasant emotions...
Thats when the hook sets in, addiction and craving develops and the mind will never be the same.
When ones mind learns that the substances that are normally used for fun can be used on a daily basis to alleviate boredom, alter personality, dull pain or insulate one from unpleasant emotions...
Thats when the hook sets in, addiction and craving develops and the mind will never be the same.
How did you get into my thoughts
I been thinking about that mood adjustment a lot lately. And thats how I see my own addiction to caffeine. It makes me feel better. It's so cool to learn stuff. Now if only I could get to the point already where I do not need mood altering stuff. Acceptance, acceptance where are you hiding? :shysmile:
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needstrength,
I should have qualified my response to say that is how it is for me. I have been in recovery for some time and I know with certainty where I am and how I got here. I also had a failed marriage and leaving him did nothing to to fix me. I got married again to another alcoholic. I did not leave husband #2 because somewhere deep down I knew I would more than likely end up in the same situation again. I needed to learn the lesson's before I could make an informed choice.
That is not true for everyone. Altho I do believe we are drawn to the people who are intended to teach us what we need to learn. The same with being led to similar experiences until we get what we are suppose to get. I know I have repeated many many situations...they may appear different but they are really trying to point me in the same direction.
Make sense?
JT
I should have qualified my response to say that is how it is for me. I have been in recovery for some time and I know with certainty where I am and how I got here. I also had a failed marriage and leaving him did nothing to to fix me. I got married again to another alcoholic. I did not leave husband #2 because somewhere deep down I knew I would more than likely end up in the same situation again. I needed to learn the lesson's before I could make an informed choice.
That is not true for everyone. Altho I do believe we are drawn to the people who are intended to teach us what we need to learn. The same with being led to similar experiences until we get what we are suppose to get. I know I have repeated many many situations...they may appear different but they are really trying to point me in the same direction.
Make sense?
JT
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
I believe that too JT. I don't think we get to move on in life until we learn what we are supposed too. I ran and ran from things and until I stopped an looked inward, I kept running into the same walls. Hugs, Magic
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Star's Hollow
Posts: 615
needstrength -
[So if that were true, about myself, me being addicted to an addict, is that saying that if I didnt have that personality trait that 1. my AH wouldnt have got addicted or 2. that I wouldnt have ended up with him in the 1st place?
And because his addiction happened after we were together does this mean I was drawn to him because he was a needy person deep down and I needed to be with someone I could fix?]
I don't know about your situation but I can tell you about mine. My H's problems with drinking started about 5 years after we were married. At that point, I had been with him for about 10 years.
I wasn't attracted to my H because he was needy. He was strong, decisive and a totally "take control" kind of guy. He reminded me of John Wayne - really strong but with a sweet teddy bear inside. Very moral - no gray area with him. He knew right from wrong and he would do the right thing at all costs.
Drinking changed him. I think that my codependency was triggered as a result of his drinking - not the other way around. I was so desperate to keep our marriage together and to fix him that I did the things that I thought would make that happen and that helped me to stay sane (denial, enabling, etc.).
I don't think that my H became an addict because of me. I know that my actions certainly didn't help him to see what he was doing. If I would have gotten recovery or left him 10 years ago, would he be as bad as he now? I don't know. It may not have made any difference to him but it sure would have been a lot better for me.
L
[So if that were true, about myself, me being addicted to an addict, is that saying that if I didnt have that personality trait that 1. my AH wouldnt have got addicted or 2. that I wouldnt have ended up with him in the 1st place?
And because his addiction happened after we were together does this mean I was drawn to him because he was a needy person deep down and I needed to be with someone I could fix?]
I don't know about your situation but I can tell you about mine. My H's problems with drinking started about 5 years after we were married. At that point, I had been with him for about 10 years.
I wasn't attracted to my H because he was needy. He was strong, decisive and a totally "take control" kind of guy. He reminded me of John Wayne - really strong but with a sweet teddy bear inside. Very moral - no gray area with him. He knew right from wrong and he would do the right thing at all costs.
Drinking changed him. I think that my codependency was triggered as a result of his drinking - not the other way around. I was so desperate to keep our marriage together and to fix him that I did the things that I thought would make that happen and that helped me to stay sane (denial, enabling, etc.).
I don't think that my H became an addict because of me. I know that my actions certainly didn't help him to see what he was doing. If I would have gotten recovery or left him 10 years ago, would he be as bad as he now? I don't know. It may not have made any difference to him but it sure would have been a lot better for me.
L
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