LadyM87

I tell myself this everyday. I'm leaving .... Moving across the country but I'm still haunted by this beast that has destroyed my ex boyfriend's life.

I cry for a little everyday and we've been broken up since June but of course we were last in contact on Tuesday of last week. I just.... I see the physical damage he's left to my home.... I remember how good things were until they got bad and there's nothing I can do. So I just stay away. I suppose I'm a lot happier then wh we would fight with his irrational behavior.... But I miss what he was without the alcohol. I love him so much but it just can't work I can't take the abuse and the pain that comes with it.... I hope he can get better one day but moreover I just hope these tears go away.

I cry for the pain he caused me, I cry for the pain he causes himself. He's still in denial and take a pleasure in seeing me cry.... Who wants to be this way? He hates me because I know he can be better and I hold him accountable for his actions.

We will be 2000+ km apart but I don't know if a part of me will ever stop loving and hoping.

But first things first I need to get what I deserve & that's having my new life and finally escaping the fear he's going to just show up and wishing I won't look back.

honeypig

Lady, I'd like to refer you to a couple of threads I really like on this topic. One is older, from the stickies at the top of the page:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ain-stops.html

Another is very recent:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rd-health.html

Nothing lasts forever, and your sorrow will pass. These threads can provide great inspiration to help you keep going when it all seems too much.

Wishing you strength and clarity.

lillamy

It really will. My therapist keeps telling me that one of the problems I have is that I don't let my feelings out. So the fact that you're crying means you're processing, on a very deep level, the pain you're feeling.

It's not pleasant, but it's a GOOD thing you're doing. (((hugs)))

stella27

They will stop, I promise. I think about all the tears I thought would never stop, and they always have - eventually.

The physical move is a good one - I promise.

LadyM87

Thank you all so much for your support. It means a lot.

airwick

Stella, that is a wonderful promise that you made; but can it be kept. I've been crying everyday for months now. Not to rain on the parade but there is no guarantee

I DO KNOW you were trying to be helpful

Sometimes I look into to words too deeply.

I left my husband about 10 months ago there is no "On or Off" control switch....YET

marie1960

Airwick, may I ask what healthy steps are you taking to help you get to a better place?

And LadyM, often those tears can be cleansing, no doubt about it, break-ups hurt, all we can do is go forward, no need to look back, we no longer live there.

Sending you healing thoughts.

hopeful4

I'm so sorry. You are grieving. Let it happen and it will get better, promise. Having contact w him will only prolong your agony.

Turn him over to God and move forward, a baby step at a time.

spiderqueen

Sorry you're in pain, Lady. I cried a little every day, too, after ending my relationship with XABF once and for all. I highly recommend cutting off contact; I didn't right away, and I'm sure it delayed my healing.

And you're right - part of you always will love him, and that's ok. As for hope, I try to focus any hope I feel toward my X as well-wishes for him to have a better life, as opposed to him one day miraculously becoming the partner I needed him to be.

Take good care of yourself and stick around with us - the support here is amazing.