JT

Ok so we were talking about discussing topics so how about Tuesday's? Anyone can start but since I volunteered here we go.

Acceptance

For me it begins with the Serenity Prayer.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

also from the Big Book,

..acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation-some fact of my life unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is suppose to be at this moment. Nothing-absolutely nothing-happens in God's world by mistake. Page 449

So that is where I always begin...with the Serenity Prayer and that phrase. When I am disturbed it is because I am not accepting something.

Think about it...you plan a picnic and the clouds roll in. Can you change it?

When I am upset about Ward or the Beav I always return to the Serenity Prayer. What can I change and what do I need to accept? It is, for me, knowing what I can change and what I can not and, that being said, if I can not change it...accepting it.

These two tools are my very favorite, fall back on, bring me back to reality crutches. I CHANT the Serenity Prayer in times of stress, decision making, sadness, coping and also good times. And page 449 of the Big Book has put me back where I belong many many times.

Thoughts?
JT

Daffodil

One of my favorites JT, good old page 449. That one has saved my sanity and serenity so many times I've lost count.

I do have to add, first I had to become "willing". It took me a while simply because I always thought I was right. I had to become willing to admit that I might be right on the issues for me and my life, but I learned that I did not have the right to decide what was right for any one else in the same situation. I am sure that sounds really childish but from where I was standing when I first started recovery, I was the only one sober. I just wanted everyone else to "get it" that they were living life all wrong. Nothing like good old self-righteousness to get one in trouble.

Acceptance for me today is based on one simple thing.

If I'm OK with me I have no need to make you wrong?

I need not re-act to everything that happens around me. I need not take people & situations so personally. Acceptance really is the key for me to get along with all of the other people that inhabit the earth. Acceptance of their right to be what ever they want to be.

I also know because I accept others as they really are does not mean I condone or accept unacceptable behavior. It seems like life is just one big class room and all I have to do is just keep coming back for the next lesson.

In the meantime, I need to practice good manners, speak courteously, and be a good guest at this party called life.

What works for me may not work for someone else. I still today need to try new behaviors and attitudes on for size to see if they fit. That is why I need face meetings for support and instant clarification to see how someone else may have handled similar situations.

What a wonderful refresher course in acceptance. Just what I needed another lesson on.

Thanks! :o

matters

I have read the Serenity Prayer many times but tonight I look at it for the first time in its true meaning if that makes sense.I am always hoping for someone to change and for things to get better. I just need to accept them for the way they are. Not just my alcoholic husband but other family members as well. Thank you for this lesson on Acceptance!!!!

JT

Well said Daf..."becoming willing" is the beginning of acceptance. Admitting that I don't know...admitting that I may be wrong and most of all admitting that I am powerless over people, places and things.

I do know that when I am bothered by something and I read good ol' page 449 it always holds true. There is always something or someone that I am not accepting as being exactly what they need to be today. I may not agree, in fact I may feel like jumping up and down, or being a little less than courteous but when I fall back on acceptance the load becomes lighter. It is not my job in this world to be the traffic cop or to judge and condem. It is my job to be the best person that I can be.

Accepting what I cannot change is huge for me. The more difficult part is "the wisdom to know the difference". I can get all caught up in where the responsibilty lies. That is when I have to hold my reality up to the fellowship.

When I accept Ward or the Beav as who they are it free's me up to see the good qualities that everyone has. When I accept a simple thing like the traffic in the morning it allows me the luxury of looking around and appreciating the summer. When I accept a thing the way it is it stops me in my tracks. I stop trying to change what I cannot and I look for alternatives. I have choices. I can drive another route...I can appreciate the alone time when Ward passes out and do something I enjoy.

This is a refresher course for me too!
Hugs,
JT

cwohio

Day - I too am struggling with acceptance. But I guess it's just as anything else, we need to "unlearn" the behavior that we've practiced for so long, maybe without even realizing it until now.

I aspire to "get it" like some of the other veterans who has posted here.

If at first you don't succeed......

cwohio

bjmt

Acceptance is a hard one for me too! Unlearning...is easier said then done. The Serenity Prayer is getting printed out and tacked all over. I have seen this many times before..don't know why I didn't memorize it and keep it close to my brain and heart.

Daffodil

I'd like to let all of the newcomers here know, I didn't "get it" all at once. I got where I am one day at a time, one baby step, one incident, one lesson at a time. For me I don't believe I'll have the big "spiritual awaking" and all will be well. Maybe I am a slow learner. LOL.

I do know that I am a better human being today than I was yesterday and if I keep the focus on me I'll be better tomorrow than I am today.

In my opinion, all of you who come, post, lurk, and have an open mind are taking gaint steps for yourselves.

Gaint Hugs to all!

cwohio

bjmt - guess I had the Serenity Prayer alot also. Coming from a alcoholic family and now married to my AH I have seen it, read it, but was obviously not ready for it to be "for me". But I am now!

Thanks to this wonderful site and meetings, we have lots to be grateful for. Thanks for the input Daffodil - it helps to know where you all come from and that you didn't get it all at once.

many thanks to all!

cwohio

Teggie

Oh good topic!! I like this! Just got back from my first local alanon meeting. I had been going to one located 30 miles away, a much smaller group, and was often not being able to attend due to kiddos and work. This one is 5 minutes away. I was nervous, there were about 12 peeps there all in different situations and walks, some had achoholic spouses, some had alcoholic kids, some had alcoholic parants, some had all or 2 of them. But we were all there for the same thing. I felt at home, even spoke up the first time when asked. That was big for me. We talked about acceptance and accepting our powerlesness, it was a good meeting, I just hope my work schedule doesn't interfere too much. I'm still on step 2, gonna bring that up next meeting hehe. It's nice to know we aren't alone, isn't it? Hugs, Teggie

Daffodil

((((Teggie)))

Well done.

matters

I can change ME.......so I am off to ride my stationary bike for the fourth day in a row for 25 mins. When I feel better about myself then I will be in a better frame of mind. I half to start somewhere and loosing this excess weight has really been weighing me down. I will ACCEPT responsibility and take action.

Magichappens

Yay Teggie and Yay Matters!
Getting involved in my own recovery is the solution to so much. You guys are going to be amazed. You amaze me! Hugs, Magic

JT

Magic...oops!

It looks like we were on the same page this morning!

Acceptance came slowly for me. One thing, one behavior at a time. I will confess that it is harder when it is your child and they are young. It gets easier as they get older...a man has to be responsible for himself but a 16 year old still needs guidance. It is also more difficult when it is your spouse and they are negative or abusive. Abuse should never be accepted. Some things are simply unacceptable and we need to separate from it.

My Ward can be negative when he drinks but not abusive. I have chosen to accept him the way he is but I also walk away from the negativity. Accepting a person does not mean we have to participate. It means we know we cannot change them.

Hugs,
JT

Magichappens

JT,
Acceptance isn't a topic that we can get too much of. I like the "topic for the day" idea. Keep it going. Hugs, Magic