Not "new" but returning.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Flint, MI
Posts: 7
Not "new" but returning.
I had over 3 years of sobriety. I thought I could handle a little. I did handle it okay, but my wife found out and I lied about it! I felt trapped. I screwed up. I know that. How can I prove (other than time) that it's not going to happen again? Or, is that even a possibility? Am I stuck with these cravings forever? I though I was over it! The worst part is that I lied when confronted about it which makes her doubt anything I say. I'm so mad at myself! 
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 267
Welcome back, BryanM. I know this sick feeling, have been there. For me only time helped rebuild the trust I lost by lying to my wife over my drinking. But I understand the instinct. Those old habits of hiding our drinking die hard, and in a moment of pressure, it's understandable.
I don't know your wife or how she responds to things but my advice, for what it's worth: try to be open and honest with her about everything that led up to that moment--you drinking, not telling her, getting caught, lying about it, the whole deal. Let her in and help her understand where you're at. Then just get to work proving your honesty from here on. If you're really trying she'll sense it and maybe that will help?
I don't know your wife or how she responds to things but my advice, for what it's worth: try to be open and honest with her about everything that led up to that moment--you drinking, not telling her, getting caught, lying about it, the whole deal. Let her in and help her understand where you're at. Then just get to work proving your honesty from here on. If you're really trying she'll sense it and maybe that will help?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Flint, MI
Posts: 7
Time will tell
Originally Posted by pupkin 
Welcome back, BryanM. I know this sick feeling, have been there. For me only time helped rebuild the trust I lost by lying to my wife over my drinking. But I understand the instinct. Those old habits of hiding our drinking die hard, and in a moment of pressure, it's understandable.
I don't know your wife or how she responds to things but my advice, for what it's worth: try to be open and honest with her about everything that led up to that moment--you drinking, not telling her, getting caught, lying about it, the whole deal. Let her in and help her understand where you're at. Then just get to work proving your honesty from here on. If you're really trying she'll sense it and maybe that will help?
I don't know your wife or how she responds to things but my advice, for what it's worth: try to be open and honest with her about everything that led up to that moment--you drinking, not telling her, getting caught, lying about it, the whole deal. Let her in and help her understand where you're at. Then just get to work proving your honesty from here on. If you're really trying she'll sense it and maybe that will help?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Key Largo, Florida
Posts: 48
Hey Bryan
Know the feeling, Been drinking a long time, quit many times only to start again, Tried hiding it from the wife and lied when confronted. Well 6 days into being sober again with support this time, sat down with her and let it all out, turns out my secret drinking was not so secret. She did not know what to do or say but was getting real close to leaving me. It was very hard telling her everything and asking for help and forgiveness for all the years of drinking. Felt sick and very weak, after it was all out it was a huge weight off my shoulders , no guilt clear head and still have a lady that loves me, Hope I don't slip but from reading your post and others it may happen, 3 years is a long time thats a great goal one slip not bad, go forward to the next 3 years and take what you have learned with you, good luck keep pushing ahead.
Know the feeling, Been drinking a long time, quit many times only to start again, Tried hiding it from the wife and lied when confronted. Well 6 days into being sober again with support this time, sat down with her and let it all out, turns out my secret drinking was not so secret. She did not know what to do or say but was getting real close to leaving me. It was very hard telling her everything and asking for help and forgiveness for all the years of drinking. Felt sick and very weak, after it was all out it was a huge weight off my shoulders , no guilt clear head and still have a lady that loves me, Hope I don't slip but from reading your post and others it may happen, 3 years is a long time thats a great goal one slip not bad, go forward to the next 3 years and take what you have learned with you, good luck keep pushing ahead.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Hi Brian. Just a thought, but I'm wondering if your wife might take what you tell her more seriously if you show her that you mean business. For example, I wonder if you were to do something, like commit to attending AAif that and then doing your best to work that program, would go some distance in reestablishing your credibility with her.
It might interest you (and her) to know that there is a big emphasis on honesty in AA. IMO it's going to take actions, not words, to repair the damage.
All the best to you.
It might interest you (and her) to know that there is a big emphasis on honesty in AA. IMO it's going to take actions, not words, to repair the damage.
All the best to you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome Bryan 
I agree with awuh that action speaks way louder than words. I had a reputation as a liar cos I lied - a lot...these days I'm straight down the line have been for many years, and people have regained trust in me and forgiven me.
you can rescue your reputation too - just don;t expect it to happen overnight, y'know?
D
I agree with awuh that action speaks way louder than words. I had a reputation as a liar cos I lied - a lot...these days I'm straight down the line have been for many years, and people have regained trust in me and forgiven me.
you can rescue your reputation too - just don;t expect it to happen overnight, y'know?
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
As expressed above a committed action is stronger than words. We alcoholics seem to be able to be dishonest with ourselves and others much more than average that’s part of the reason it’s so important for our recovery.
I used to lie to myself often enough that I believed it shortly. Like “I only had one or I can have one.”
BE WELL
As expressed above a committed action is stronger than words. We alcoholics seem to be able to be dishonest with ourselves and others much more than average that’s part of the reason it’s so important for our recovery.
I used to lie to myself often enough that I believed it shortly. Like “I only had one or I can have one.”
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
One thing I had to do is realize nobody that still let me around really had no reason to trust me, what with all the lies and deception I had been giving out for as long as I did. Putting myself in their shoes for a bit helped.
Then action. Not just talk, but putting in the footwork to look inside and see what was going on, working on changing/fixing me, and doin it with the right motive,that beng not to gain trust back, but to get further away from who I was and get Weller.
Cravings go away? Whelp, I think if I didn't work on changing me they wouldn't have, but by working on me, they did.
Then action. Not just talk, but putting in the footwork to look inside and see what was going on, working on changing/fixing me, and doin it with the right motive,that beng not to gain trust back, but to get further away from who I was and get Weller.
Cravings go away? Whelp, I think if I didn't work on changing me they wouldn't have, but by working on me, they did.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Flint, MI
Posts: 7
Thank you to everyone for all the words of encouragement. I will continue to keep trying. I'm going to my first meeting in years on Thursday night. Unfortunately it's a closed meeting this time so my wife won't be able to go. But the same group has an open meeting the first Thursday of each month so she'll be able to go then. She has been very supportive! I don't know how I got so lucky!
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