markdara91298

Many may remember my post back in February when i had my son arrested for stealing from our home. He spent 3 months in jail and is due to complete the 6 month court ordered rehab in the next 30 days. I have set my boundaries and he has been told he has all My support and love, but home is not an option. I worry for him. I don't know where he is going to go. I'm fearful for him but feel I have to let him make the decision. I'm encouraging to find a sober living home but he's not entertaining that. Do any of you have any words of wisdom for me to stay strong? I'm trying so hard to change my behaviors in this whole enabling process. A friend and I are starting the first Naranon meeting in our area nov 9. I want to give back to others and hopefully I am an inspiration to them. Hugs to all.

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FeelingGreat

Hi, just to say you've taken the hard road, but the right one. Try not to get involved with his post rehab decisions "I'm encouraging to find a sober living home but he's not entertaining that" He knows the options and I'm sure has them discussed during his therapy - you can leave it completely up to him. In the best world he will gain self-esteem by relying on himself, and in the worst instance he could break up the family again.
He's 24 and if he hasn't grown up it's about time he did.

Txhelp

So difficult as your situation sounds familiar. My son gets out in Jan. I plan on giving my son what I am willing to do. His life and his choice.....

Ann

I agree with the poster above that he is 24 and can figure out how to take care of himself. He knows his choices and hopefully he will make good ones.

Now is perfect timing for you to step back and let him grow up and take care of himself.

I know how hard that is, I was the worst clinger-onner ever, but it's the right thing to do and you are probably a faster learner than I was.

However this unfolds, you have my hugs and prayers.

dandylion

markdara....In order for you to stay "strong"....keep repeating to yourself that: Do what is best for your child (not live under your roof), and not what makes you feel good. LOL!

dandylion

Twofish

Dear Markdara,
I know how hard it is to call the police and have our adult children arrested and
put in jail. That was very for this mamma to do. It was the right decision.
After my younger daughter got out of jail, the hospital and IOP, we did hold our breathe, again, to see what decisions she would make. She's 20.
With boundaries in place, and her toolbox full of tools to work on her sobriety
she returned home. So far she has gotten a job, helps around the house and sees
Her therapist. She is sober as far as I know, but does have some mental illnesses. That's another painful thought, the dual diagnosis. Anyway...
My 23 yr old daughter, she is also an adult and she has figured out what to do on her own.
It was very hard on me, on everyone, to not rescue her again.
You might be surprised at how these young people can take care of
themselves. They haven't been sitting around eating BonBons during their rehab.
To last the six months tells me your son has been working on his sobriety and has
a plan. That's good.
You told him he cannot return home to live. He knows that and most likely will
be securing a place to live on his own. There's aftercare, 1/2 way home etc.
Please don't feel guilty and start blaming yourself for his past and future.
Take care of yourself and let your son take care of him.
Keep your hope close. You will be in my prayers,
TF

markdara91298

Thank you all for the reassurance. It gives me strength to do that which may be the successful road of recovery for my son. God knows that which I've done hasn't done it so I will do as they say and keep faith and hope... Let go and let God!!!
Hugs

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vaya

Does he have a job or any source of income? If not, there are no options, other than a shelter or another program. Not all programs do their part in following through or helping with the aftercare portion of recovery. Does the program he's in help with that? It's one thing to not allow him back into your home, but does he really know how to go out and find a place on his own and with no financial means? If he goes to a sober living, who would pay for it? You made your point by having him arrested and not letting him come home. He's served his time for what he did. You could still stick to your guns and not let him come home, but at least find out what options are available, or what the rehab does to help with that. Depending on the nature of his crime he may be eligible for a transitional re-entry type program. My AS may not come home and has voluntarily gone into rehab. However, I have put him in touch with places where resources exist and have encouraged him to talk to others and investigate the possibilities, but to focus on his recovery at this time. The rehab where he is won't allow clients to seek housing before 6-7 months, nor can they get a job until 6 months. Even getting on low income housing lists takes time and one must have some sort of income to do so. So....you may still want to at least point the way or let him know or give him a list of resources....I am still there for my son in many ways, but am holding back on doing for him since he must learn to trust in his ability to do it for himself, but I am still there for moral support and guidance, especially since he is clean and sober and in treatment.