lillamy

You know those serpentine roads that go around and around up a mountain?

I've worked through the steps. Once before I left AXH, once after. The second time was different than the first time. And now, I'm embarking on my third trip through the steps -- for the first time without a sponsor (because she's busy caring for two new grand babies -- twins! -- and while we still chat, she doesn't have time to be as involved).

And what I'm noticing is that already, I'm more humble and more willing to take a closer look at step four. It's that onion thing. You peel off one layer every time through.

I wish I could say I was expecting to get to the mountain top and find a great guru up there who has all the answers -- I'm afraid that won't ever happen. But I can tell you this: the view gets better the higher up the mountain I get.

LifeRecovery

Thanks for this.

My recovery is like an artichoke. I keep getting to different layers of similar topics.

Each layer I pull off though gets closer to the heart of me.

Sometimes it is this analogy only that keeps me putting one foot in front of the other on the recovery front. Thanks for giving me another great one.

lizatola

Oh yes, I understand this completely. I just told my sponsor this week that I'd like to start working my steps again from the beginning since I just finished my first time around. I am eager to go back through them with a new and different perspective. My sponsor has been in program for 22 years but she said the first 3 years she just sat there and did nothing, LOL. She's been very patient with me!

gleefan

Very inspiring! I am working on the AA steps concurrently with the CoDA steps. It's my first time, and it's quite a journey. I have so much optimism because of the steps. What I find amazing is that, at Step 3, I feel a weight lifted off me already, and I still have another 10 steps waiting to go - and that's just the first round!!

suncatcher

I feel kind of guilty because I haven't worked any steps. I went to two or three Alanon meetings but found most of my support here on SR. I know I'm codependent and read a lot of great books and researched online about codependency and alcoholism. I feel like I'm in a much better place now just from coming here and reading and posting. I wonder though if I should work a step program. Am I afraid to? Do I need to? These are questions I'm asking myself. Do some people recover from SR alone? I feel like it's helped me tremendously.

lillamy

I think it's all up to you. For me, it's that onion thing again.

Layer One was leaving AXH, getting that part of it out of my life, and realizing that there was still unhealthy stuff left. It felt kind of like... if you've ever done one of those mud runs, you come home and you take off your muddy clothes and they can pretty much stand on their own. But once you take them off, you still have to shower to get clean, because you still have mud all over.

Layer Two was when I got romantically involved with my new husband. In a relationship, I realized that I still had some unhealthy ideas and behaviors, and that I needed to work on them.

And Layer Three for me was when my kids had gained enough distance to start dealing with the abuse they suffered with AXH. That brought up a whole new layer of guilt, self-loathing, and a sense that I really am a horrible human being who didn't see what was happening and put a stop to it. Think of it like having showered twice and still finding mud behind your ears.

Is working a program necessary? I don't know. Is it helpful? It has been for me. I was very resistant at first because I wasn't really the one with the problem; AXH was. But I feel like the 12-step program has made me calmer (I wouldn't say serene YET) and given me an opportunity to work through a lot of my issues, get to know myself better, and really, become better at setting boundaries and having relationships in general.

suncatcher

Thank you lillamy. I think I will look into it. It definitely couldn't hurt!

spedteach

Suncatcher- I too went to some Alanon meetings but to be honest, I find that I am benefiting 100xs more from my weekly appointment with my therapist. She's just fantastic and it helps me to really focus and look at what I need to. She happens to also be an addiction expert so maybe that's why I find her so wonderful and helpful.

I think recovery is possible for anyone, you just need to figure out what helps you to recover and work that plan.

AnvilheadII

when i first got sober, 1987, i did three 4th/5th steps in the first 8 months. i actually started writing my first thru fourth steps well before i had a sponsor. i was ready, so ready, to jump the junk, drop the rock, get OVER my damn self. thank god for Sponsor Bob, he was the kindest gentlest man but he didn't put up with snow jobs or BS. so when i finished my first 5th step, he got quiet, reflected, kind of nodded to himself and then said to me....ok, so now we know what part everyone ELSE played in the story, WHAT WAS YOUR PART IN ALL OF THIS?

rats. my first attempt sounded more like the "somebody done somebody wrong song" song! and i left ME out!!!

just for me, the combo of a good therapist AND a good sponsor is without parallel. for anyone who is on the fence about working the steps, or AFRAID, don't be, it's the most liberating experience i've ever known.