Made an interesting choice today...
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Made an interesting choice today...
I posted about the tax issue/conundrum I was facing yesterday and today made the choice to help xAH (who unfortunately is NOT legally my ex yet because in my amazing state you can be the respondent in a divorce and drag your feet endlessly and the petitioner, me, has no right to be granted a divorce UNLESS it is 2 years of no response from the respondent)... I just might be married forever at this rate... It's insanity... We do have a final hearing set for early March and the judge (I have to believe) will have had enough of his games by then and Im praying will grant this...
Anyway, I made the choice to not leave him high and dry with having his wages garnished by the IRS and instead shared deductions with him to greatly reduce what he owes so that he could pay what he owed as of about 10 minutes ago.
My motives? Not at all pure. I decided ultimately, that if he was going to have wages garnished I preferred that they be garnished for child support and that his money go to my kids support vs to the IRS.
My best friend pointed that perspective out to me last night and I had to think a lot today about whether I wanted to help him in some way or let him deal alone with his mess.
And ultimately I decided that letting the state garnish his wages to make him pay child support seemed like a better idea than the IRS garnishing wages for taxes...
So, was I nuts to help him out? I dont know...
I wont do it again. That's a certainty. But when I weighed things out in my mind, this seemed to make the most sense.
I didnt tell him why I was willing to help. Just said I would and that I saw it as the best thing for our kids and that was all.
I feel relieved and I don't feel guilty like I think I might have if I left him to deal with it alone, knowing I was participating in screwing my kids even more financially...
I can put oil in my tank to heat my house for part of the winter on the check he dropped off tonight (as "thanks" for my not leaving him to pay what he would have owed if I hadn't shared deductions)... And even though Im not sure I love the deal with the devil I made with this situation I think that I made the best decision I could at the time...
So...
Anyway, I made the choice to not leave him high and dry with having his wages garnished by the IRS and instead shared deductions with him to greatly reduce what he owes so that he could pay what he owed as of about 10 minutes ago.
My motives? Not at all pure. I decided ultimately, that if he was going to have wages garnished I preferred that they be garnished for child support and that his money go to my kids support vs to the IRS.
My best friend pointed that perspective out to me last night and I had to think a lot today about whether I wanted to help him in some way or let him deal alone with his mess.
And ultimately I decided that letting the state garnish his wages to make him pay child support seemed like a better idea than the IRS garnishing wages for taxes...
So, was I nuts to help him out? I dont know...
I wont do it again. That's a certainty. But when I weighed things out in my mind, this seemed to make the most sense.
I didnt tell him why I was willing to help. Just said I would and that I saw it as the best thing for our kids and that was all.
I feel relieved and I don't feel guilty like I think I might have if I left him to deal with it alone, knowing I was participating in screwing my kids even more financially...
I can put oil in my tank to heat my house for part of the winter on the check he dropped off tonight (as "thanks" for my not leaving him to pay what he would have owed if I hadn't shared deductions)... And even though Im not sure I love the deal with the devil I made with this situation I think that I made the best decision I could at the time...
So...
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
(((HUGS)))
When it comes right down to it, you have to do what you are comfortable with and there is not one thing wrong with that. Life is not fair and there's a good chance he won't get what he deserves, but regardless, you have to look out for your own welfare and that of your children.
You don't owe anyone here any explanations. It is your life and you are entitled to live it the best way you know how.
When it comes right down to it, you have to do what you are comfortable with and there is not one thing wrong with that. Life is not fair and there's a good chance he won't get what he deserves, but regardless, you have to look out for your own welfare and that of your children.
You don't owe anyone here any explanations. It is your life and you are entitled to live it the best way you know how.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by suki44883 
(((HUGS)))
When it comes right down to it, you have to do what you are comfortable with and there is not one thing wrong with that. Life is not fair and there's a good chance he won't get what he deserves, but regardless, you have to look out for your own welfare and that of your children.
You don't owe anyone here any explanations. It is your life and you are entitled to live it the best way you know how.
When it comes right down to it, you have to do what you are comfortable with and there is not one thing wrong with that. Life is not fair and there's a good chance he won't get what he deserves, but regardless, you have to look out for your own welfare and that of your children.
You don't owe anyone here any explanations. It is your life and you are entitled to live it the best way you know how.
I kind of made a deal with the devil a bit to get some temporary help for my kids-- not feeling awesome about it but given the multiple crummy options, and the fact that I wound up with virtually the same amt of a refund I would have had anyway, I felt like I should do what provided some hope for my kids to get minimal support...
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
You picked your battle. Sounds to me like you made a reasoned choice.
I don't think you're making any deals with the devil. I think you're playing a little chess, and that this move was probably a good one. CHECK!
I don't think you're making any deals with the devil. I think you're playing a little chess, and that this move was probably a good one. CHECK!
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Sounds like the smart choice to me. And I think the important thing was that you weren't doing this because he pressured you and you felt a moral obligation to -- you did it because it was the best thing for the kids.
That's the biggest thing, I think, that your motivations have changed, you're thinking clearly, you're out of the F.O.G. of codependency and you're making decisions based on rational reasoning.
That's the biggest thing, I think, that your motivations have changed, you're thinking clearly, you're out of the F.O.G. of codependency and you're making decisions based on rational reasoning.
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