fresh start?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
fresh start?
I have been around here before, with several attempts at sobriety. I have not had any real crisis or terrible event that brings me here today, but have realized that this is progressive and am afraid I may never be able to stop. I love wine, and I drink in the evenings. I will declare, "enough" only to find myself having wine, always in the evening, within a few days, then I am back at near daily, if not daily. At least a bottle, often more, or topped off with a beer or two, if I only bought one bottle. So, I see any attempt to limit myself these days is an utter failure.
Today is day 2 and I have not had more than a month sober in a few years. Typically I go a few days and am back at it. WTF??
It makes me feel so weak and wishy washy. And that is not typically me.
I feel like I need a fresh start, because I hate seeing how long the old me has been here, failing.
Today is day 2 and I have not had more than a month sober in a few years. Typically I go a few days and am back at it. WTF??
It makes me feel so weak and wishy washy. And that is not typically me.
I feel like I need a fresh start, because I hate seeing how long the old me has been here, failing.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 199
It is not an easy task. But admitting to the addiction and making steps and plans on how to gain your life back is the right direction. I am only 17 days sober, but each day gets a little easier, and I get a little bit more of "me" back each day, so it is worth the work. I wish you well in your recovery. SR has been a big part of my process. If you think you can do it, you probably can...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Thanks. When I last drank, Monday night, it was so meh. I don't even know why I bothered. Just a habit to grab it if it is there, and there will always be at least beer in the house. My spouse drinks it and has it around. We had enetertained on Sunday, and it was around, the leftover wine. So, of course I just get into it each night until it is gone. But, it isn't even fun or exciting anymore. Just a waste of time.
Easy first step: No more wine in the house.
Easy first step: No more wine in the house.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
Phoebe, welcome back! I can so relate to the "meh" feeling of drinking. I was sober for a couple of weeks and then drank again for a week, and it was so boring and worthless. I am on Day 2 again, and I know we can do this together. Please keep posting and hang in there. 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,855
Welcome back, phoebe. Glad to hear that you are ready to give sobriety another try.
Wine was my poison, too; wine felt so benign in the beginning but quickly lost its "innocence" and became very problematic. The good news is that you CAN live without it and live happily and well!!!
Wine was my poison, too; wine felt so benign in the beginning but quickly lost its "innocence" and became very problematic. The good news is that you CAN live without it and live happily and well!!!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Good to see you Phoebe.
I can relate to how you're feeling right now. I've been there many times, but unfortunately I didn't reach out for help or admit I was becoming dependent on it. You've realized this and are taking action - that's great. Stay with us and keep talking We'll help.
I can relate to how you're feeling right now. I've been there many times, but unfortunately I didn't reach out for help or admit I was becoming dependent on it. You've realized this and are taking action - that's great. Stay with us and keep talking We'll help.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Ultimately, I always gain some weight when I have been on a binge of daily or near daily drinking and get disgusted with myself. I also recognize it causes depression, or worsens perhpas a baseline of it that I have, as well as creates anxiety.
I so clearly recognize all of these things are better if I do not drink. But after anytime sober, I think I miss it and end up trying, "just one Friday night." Or, this summer, my big downfall, which has rolled right into the fall was, "just on vacation." No control.
It really is just easier not to drink, than to try to drink responsibly. And with a teenager, I need to set a good example. My teen only so far equates it with overeating sort of indulgence, and does not seem to reconize the total dysfunction. So, I seem to have time to create a better example. I also have a younger child.
I so clearly recognize all of these things are better if I do not drink. But after anytime sober, I think I miss it and end up trying, "just one Friday night." Or, this summer, my big downfall, which has rolled right into the fall was, "just on vacation." No control.
It really is just easier not to drink, than to try to drink responsibly. And with a teenager, I need to set a good example. My teen only so far equates it with overeating sort of indulgence, and does not seem to reconize the total dysfunction. So, I seem to have time to create a better example. I also have a younger child.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Oh I have had plenty of fabulous plans, Dee. what I need to do for this plan, is to follow through on the plan(s). Not drink, exercise daily, which helps me to not drink, eat well, keep busy, and get good rest. Rinse repeat. Re-read all my recovery books. Stay in touch and accountable for my actions.
Day 3.
Day 3.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Hollywood, FL
Posts: 207
Know the feeling well. I really believe, after almost five months sober, that it was habitual and getting out of that pattern was all it took. I was so used to drinking. Now I'm not, so I don't think about alcohol anymore. We are habitual creatures and sobriety becomes habit if we persevere.
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