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Newcomer - Fell off the Wagon Sunday night

Old 10-14-2014, 10:38 AM
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Newcomer - Fell off the Wagon Sunday night

Hello everybody,
My name is P. and I am an alcoholic. I guess I've been one for years but always chalked it up to just doing my "early-mid 20s thing". But since I turned 29, I've realized that it has to stop. I got married about 8 months ago, and it was the greatest thing to happen in my life. But my wife definitely noticed that I was an alcoholic. I never did anything terrible, but I was an "emailer". I e-mailed the craziest stuff and texts as well.

I finally had enough about 35 days ago, and called it quits. I started doing yoga and eating healthy, exercising, etc. I felt great! But over the weekend, I got really stressed out and my wife went out of town on business for the night. I couldn't help myself, Sunday night I bought 3 bottles of red wine and got wasted. Sent her angry texts and also sent weird emails to co-workers. Nothing terrible, but just weird stuff like "there was a death in the family and I might not make it to work next Thursday". Which had no truth behind it. Just crazy. I then spent all of Monday going through withdrawal, sick and sleeping.

Now, I'm back to only 1 day into recovery. My wife suggests I go to AA, but I 'm really nervous and don't really wanna "drink the kool-aid". I found a lot of help reading peoples posts on here. I realize now I just need to be careful about stress triggers so I dont relapse again.

It's funny, usually after a bender I feel really guilty and nervous. Today, I feel really positive, but just a little empty still. I think I can beat this. I think having a sense of humor is the only way to survive. "Okay, that was silly and very strange, but we'll just try it again. Today, no wine. Just lots of yoga".
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Old 10-14-2014, 10:45 AM
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I would suggest doing whatever you can to save your life and your marriage, even if it's something you're nervous about and don't wanna do.

Read around and post often!
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Old 10-14-2014, 10:47 AM
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Welcome P. You've found a great place to find support and information about many different recovery methods that you can use to get/stay sober.

AA is just another sobriety plan, albeit one of the most popular ones. I would hesitate to judge it before you've tried it. Why not just go to a meeting and see what it's all about? I am not a regular AA member myself, but I do know for a fact that most meetings have coffee....not Kool-Aid
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Old 10-14-2014, 10:57 AM
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Thanks, I guess part of the reason Im nervous about going is that I just dont have a way to get there. The meetings in my area are at the same time that I work. I guess I'll just keep being active on here. It looks like this is a great group of people!
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Old 10-14-2014, 11:15 AM
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Welcome to the Forum P!!

For me building in some support for those tough times was important, you'll find loads of support here on SR!!
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Old 10-14-2014, 11:19 AM
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Thanks! I feel better already. I have the day off work today, however I should be studying for a big test I have at University tomorrow. What do people do their first day? I feel like I'm in limbo. Should I just stay in bed eating fatty foods all day or be productive and do homework?
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Old 10-14-2014, 11:23 AM
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Welcome! I'd buckle down and get the homework done. Then you can take it easy.
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Old 10-14-2014, 11:37 AM
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Do your homework. Promise yourself you'll stick with it for thirty minutes and then take it from there. Sometime tonight you'll be grateful if all you gave it was those thirty minutes rather than nothing at all.
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Old 10-14-2014, 11:51 AM
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Do whatever. Doesn't matter as long as it's not drinking. Experiment over.
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Old 10-14-2014, 11:54 AM
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Keep on trying
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Old 10-14-2014, 01:13 PM
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Thanks for the replies. I'm feeling better already. It's weird though, that I was sober for about 35 days, then just 4 hours of indulgence makes me feel back at the beginning. I feel like my body is adjusting all over again. Is that normal?
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Old 10-14-2014, 01:18 PM
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What you experienced was normal--this is what is meant by alcoholism's being a progressive disease.
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Old 10-14-2014, 01:40 PM
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Usually i never fell of the wagon- i made a deliberate decision to drink. Over time i came to understand that it is about me and alcohol - not me and other people.

Now i can keep myself safe when i am at a loose end, alone or am pissed off
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Old 10-14-2014, 01:46 PM
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Hi, doing 35 days was amazing! Just keep going. You slipped but you want to do this, and you can. Using alcohol as stress relief doesn't even work does it as you know. I'm the same. If you feel you are slipping, post. The lovely people on here got me through my day 4 wobble and im almost on day 7 now. Keep talking!
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Old 10-14-2014, 04:59 PM
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This has been a real roller coaster of a day. My wife came home after being out on business, apparently I sent her a lot of hurtful text messages (don't remember anything). We had an argument which caused me to drink on Sunday night. Something similar happened 35 days ago, which made me decide to stop drinking. I told her last month, "This will never happen again". But Sunday night it did happen again. I feel so sick because of it. She's an amazing woman, and I want to make our marriage work. Our marriage is absolutely wonderful when I'm not drinking, and I'm still feeling dedicated to sobriety. I know I can make this work. I don't however know how to apologize to her again. My words sound meaningless. I sat down with her and said "Thank you for listening to what I have to say. I love you so much, and I am going to put my best effort to recovering, because I want to make sure I never hurt you again."

That is the truth. She is still very upset, but she says she will give me another chance. It just kills me to see her like this. But honestly, I don't know what else to do to fix it. I'm going to stay sober, but immediately right now, I don't know what else to tell her.
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Old 10-14-2014, 05:04 PM
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The 'kool-aid' is one heck of a lot better than three bottles of wine and a trainwreck to wake up to the next day.

I wish I'd gone to AA at your age and taken it as a serious tool and embarked upon serious sobriety.

I would have saved myself a million dollars (literally... quite a bit more, actually), a lot of trouble, innumerable hangovers, probably at least one marriage and a lot of lost life.....

The thing about AA is; you have nothing to lose, and your life to gain.

In any case, welcome... you can do it.

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Old 10-14-2014, 05:09 PM
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Thanks Free Owl, I'm going to look into AA. I found on their website that they have online meetings, which I'll try out.
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Old 10-14-2014, 05:26 PM
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I think you're wise to do so.



If I were to be able to sit down with a 29-year-old FreeOwl and have a heart to heart with him, I'd tell him it would absolutely change his life to take this thing with deadly seriousness. I'd ask him to please lay aside his judgement, open his heart and his mind to what AA's insights could offer. I'd tell him not to get all defensive and stuck in his head about ways he's NOT like them or reasons he 'can't get behind AA'.

I'd ask him to look not for reasons to reject it, but for reasons to accept it. I'd remind him every path to sobriety is different - but that there are common themes and that AA is a fantastic place to come to understand those, as well as proven methods for dealing with those themes.

I'd look him dead in the eye and tell him "I promise you, if you choose to reject this and go on drinking, it's just going to get worse and worse for you and for the people you love. And it will KEEP on getting worse until one day, you may not make it back to the decision of sobriety again."

I'd tell him to ask for a copy of the Big Book, take the phone numbers of some old timers in the program and not to be afraid to pick up that phone when the Alcoholic Thoughts started trying to reel him in.

I'd say 'give it 90 days of at least a few meetings a week' and get really, truly, brutally honest with yourself..... because no matter how hard that may be, it will never be even a fraction as hard as the brutality that alcohol will deal you if you keep on following that dark path.....

I don't know if any of that will apply to YOU... but I can confirm that it was all directly applicable to me.
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Old 10-15-2014, 11:40 AM
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Hey everbody,
Well it's day 3 for me. I slept about 14 hours last night and I feel amazing. I honestly didn't know I could sleep that long. Now, I am feeling focused on school, work and my marriage. Tis a beautiful day!
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Old 10-15-2014, 12:17 PM
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right on! keep it up.

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