Wisconsin

It was largely about getting our backstory: our respective family of origin stories, and the issues in our marriage that have gotten us to this point. At the very beginning of the session I stated very clearly that I believe our home environment is now extremely toxic and damaging to the children, and that I am not willing to continue to expose them to that. My AH looked surprised, and later commented that he does not think things are as toxic as I believe them to be.

The main sources of resentment and negativity were identified, including the drinking. The counselor basically "put a pin" in each issue for now, but did comment at the end that he wants to discuss the drinking issue with my AH in more detail.

I came out of the session feeling very...meh. I am glad I am going for my own sake, because I obviously have plenty of my own issues to work on, but the bottom line is that I do not believe that anything will change in our marriage dynamic in a meaningful way as long as my AH is still drinking. That doesn't mean that I think everything will be perfect if he does quit. Just that there is absolutely no hope of saving the marriage as long as he is still drinking, because I am exercising my right as an adult human being to choose not to be married to an active alcoholic. Whenever the drinking issue does come up, I will not lie or sugar coat my feelings about it.

So, long story short, I know I can benefit personally from seeing this therapist (which will in turn benefit the kids), and I feel like I'm buying myself a little time to save money to make the move in the coming months.

lillamy

You sound really, really clear-headed and focused, and I'm glad you got out just how toxic you feel the environment is at home. I'm not really surprised your AH doesn't agree -- if he did, he would have to quit drinking, you know...

It sounds like you have hope -- and a rational, reasonable hope, both for your life and for what you expect from the counseling. (((hugs)))

hopeful4

I understand completely. Some counselors won't even see an active alcoholic for counseling. I hope you continue to work on you and protect both yourself and your children.

XXX

lizatola

As Lillamy said, you sound clear headed and like you know what you need to get out of this if you keep going. Just keep doing the next right thing and in a few months, things may look much healthier and complete for you! I know how hard marriage counseling is with an active addict, I did it last year but I took it as a lesson for me to learn more about myself and what issues I need to work on, too!

HUGS!