Interesting Family Dynamics
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Interesting Family Dynamics
A few weeks ago I posted some observations about my alcoholic partner's family of origin. Today I got to see his mother, one of his sisters and her husband. I am just reflecting on the day and noticed the following things:
1. The only one of the group who was friendly was my mother-in-law. She hugged me warmly and told me she has missed me. The few times we have communicated over the past seven months, she has been warm and engaging.
2. His sister seemed about as glad to see me as a case of the flu. I went to hug her and realized I had made a mistake.
3. The brother in law is just the same-extremely aloof. He is starting to look like my partner- losing weight and looking haggard. When I looked at him, I thought "he looks like an advanced alcoholic." One of his hobbies is brewing his own beer.
I can't figure out if the family is pissed off at me for separating, or have I just been away long enough to notice how it really is. Is it also possible that I m progressing a little in my recovery where dysfunctional family isolation is starting to really bug me?
If they are upset with me and knew all the facts, this would be very sad indeed. This would mean that their family member's happiness is more important than his recovery, and trying to get him there.
As for my mother in law, maybe she knows her boy has a problem and is hoping I will hang in there and help him.
This has been a very interesting day!
1. The only one of the group who was friendly was my mother-in-law. She hugged me warmly and told me she has missed me. The few times we have communicated over the past seven months, she has been warm and engaging.
2. His sister seemed about as glad to see me as a case of the flu. I went to hug her and realized I had made a mistake.
3. The brother in law is just the same-extremely aloof. He is starting to look like my partner- losing weight and looking haggard. When I looked at him, I thought "he looks like an advanced alcoholic." One of his hobbies is brewing his own beer.
I can't figure out if the family is pissed off at me for separating, or have I just been away long enough to notice how it really is. Is it also possible that I m progressing a little in my recovery where dysfunctional family isolation is starting to really bug me?
If they are upset with me and knew all the facts, this would be very sad indeed. This would mean that their family member's happiness is more important than his recovery, and trying to get him there.
As for my mother in law, maybe she knows her boy has a problem and is hoping I will hang in there and help him.
This has been a very interesting day!
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Is it also possible that I m progressing a little in my recovery where dysfunctional family isolation is starting to really bug me?
But I'm also noticing you worry about what they may be thinking about you. What they're thinking about you is none of your business.
You just keep on working on your recovery, and they, George W. Bush, and the Kardashians can think whatever they want about it!
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And it is interesting how you can see the dysfunction when you step away from it.
I've told people that's why I need Al-Anon and a sponsor, though -- I can clearly see the dysfunction in others, but I seem to have that beam in my eye that prevents me from seeing it in myself...
I've told people that's why I need Al-Anon and a sponsor, though -- I can clearly see the dysfunction in others, but I seem to have that beam in my eye that prevents me from seeing it in myself...
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Join Date: May 2010
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It is my experience blood is always thicker than water and as long as you may stay and take care of him, mom will prob keep acting this way. As soon as you walk, they will realize that he becomes their problem. They generally don't appreciate that at all. Prepare yourself that if you separate from him, you will separate from them.
XXX
XXX
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
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If there is still hope you will stay together maybe that is different. Certainly I can only tell you my experience and that of many on this board. That may be why the sister acted so "friendly." Just a guess, each family is different. For myself, it hurt, but once I realized those relationships were over it got a lot easier.
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