Obsession about sobriety - when does it stop??
Trudgin
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Obsession about sobriety - when does it stop??
At slightly over 4 months sober and starting to really enjoy daily the fruits of not drinking, I still awake each morning with one thought. I am sober, but I am a drunk.
I understand we all need to be vigilant. Today, I am comfortable with my recovery plan - meetings, steps, prayer/meditation, SR friends etc...
However, balance is as of yet not even close to being attained. I am obsessed with sobriety, much like I was with drinking in some regards. Rather have a sober obsession, obviously. I do not have any drinking obsession or cravings and am happy, grateful and life has gotten so much better.
But - the very first thought in my head every day and throughout the day is about sobriety. Inside it's a pride / ego thing...look at me, I am sober - working on that as well.
In your experience is this a good thing / natural at this stage? Can you recall at what point in your sobriety did you not think of sobriety the very first thought everyday????
Thanks friends,
Fly
I understand we all need to be vigilant. Today, I am comfortable with my recovery plan - meetings, steps, prayer/meditation, SR friends etc...
However, balance is as of yet not even close to being attained. I am obsessed with sobriety, much like I was with drinking in some regards. Rather have a sober obsession, obviously. I do not have any drinking obsession or cravings and am happy, grateful and life has gotten so much better.
But - the very first thought in my head every day and throughout the day is about sobriety. Inside it's a pride / ego thing...look at me, I am sober - working on that as well.
In your experience is this a good thing / natural at this stage? Can you recall at what point in your sobriety did you not think of sobriety the very first thought everyday????
Thanks friends,
Fly
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
In my experience, it was a thing. Yeah. I won't go so far as to judge it as a "good" or "natural" thing. It just happened. Switching from alcohol to no alcohol doesn't exactly clear up all one's obsessive/compulsive tendencies. So, I see it as a common thing anyway.
I don't really mess with my "ego" in the sense that my ego is part of me, always will be, and I just don't separate the parts of my mind, one from the other. I'd tend to look at my intent and motivations, as far as gauging my actions and behaviors as healthy or permissible.
Between six months and one year is where I tossed aside the obsession. And I think I did this when I was reconciling many of my life goals with the time I have left, and realizing it's a matter of picking and choosing between them, the focus, concentration and discipline necessary to make them happen, and deciding how happy I want to be right now vs. planning for the future.
I don't really mess with my "ego" in the sense that my ego is part of me, always will be, and I just don't separate the parts of my mind, one from the other. I'd tend to look at my intent and motivations, as far as gauging my actions and behaviors as healthy or permissible.
Between six months and one year is where I tossed aside the obsession. And I think I did this when I was reconciling many of my life goals with the time I have left, and realizing it's a matter of picking and choosing between them, the focus, concentration and discipline necessary to make them happen, and deciding how happy I want to be right now vs. planning for the future.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,466
Hi,
My recovery from the outset, was based on a couple of spiritual books I had read. So, from the start, I was focusing on the positive aspects of living a spiritual life, rather than 'not drinking'. That gave me a strong base for recovery and I quickly realized that balance was going to be crucial for me and that I had to arrange my life so that it would work.
Early on I got back to music and reading, both of which had been great hobbies of mine before my drinking days.
My recovery from the outset, was based on a couple of spiritual books I had read. So, from the start, I was focusing on the positive aspects of living a spiritual life, rather than 'not drinking'. That gave me a strong base for recovery and I quickly realized that balance was going to be crucial for me and that I had to arrange my life so that it would work.
Early on I got back to music and reading, both of which had been great hobbies of mine before my drinking days.
Trudgin
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by Anna 
Hi,
My recovery from the outset, was based on a couple of spiritual books I had read. So, from the start, I was focusing on the positive aspects of living a spiritual life, rather than 'not drinking'. That gave me a strong base for recovery and I quickly realized that balance was going to be crucial for me and that I had to arrange my life so that it would work.
Early on I got back to music and reading, both of which had been great hobbies of mine before my drinking days.
My recovery from the outset, was based on a couple of spiritual books I had read. So, from the start, I was focusing on the positive aspects of living a spiritual life, rather than 'not drinking'. That gave me a strong base for recovery and I quickly realized that balance was going to be crucial for me and that I had to arrange my life so that it would work.
Early on I got back to music and reading, both of which had been great hobbies of mine before my drinking days.
Thanks for the response
fly
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Like Anna, I was also very much into a holistic approach from beginning, but I did experience a change around 5-6 months in. That period also coincided with a sort of "wall" in my progress, where I was no longer so preoccupied with staying sober as the main goal, but had to start establishing newer priorities. I struggled with it for a couple months for sure, there was a lot of confusion, and I also found myself falling back into some of my old maladaptive patterns (not drinking or alcohol cravings, other stuff). I felt I had a pretty hard time getting out of that phase by myself, so I decided to seek extra help and upped the frequency of my therapy sessions a bit and also tried different methods to hopefully address these surfacing, stubborn issues. All that changed my focus quite efficiently from sobriety itself to new levels of personal growth. It's never a linear journey for me, though.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Similiarly to Anna, when I quit it wasn't about the not drinking. It was about a new life. The possibilities are endless, so that sense of awe never really leaves me even many years later. I don't believe in fear, or being vigilant about constantly steeling against the drink or fearing I could go back to drinking at any time. That's just not ever in my mindset. My life is about living. There is not, and never will be, a place for alcohol in my life.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Originally Posted by Flynbuy
Haennie,
Thanks - ya know, maybe that's the real issue. Perhaps I have sort of a hitting the wall feeling and need to focus on other things....
Appreciate sharing your experience
Thanks - ya know, maybe that's the real issue. Perhaps I have sort of a hitting the wall feeling and need to focus on other things....
Appreciate sharing your experience
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
As Time Goes By...
Before I stumbled across SR, I'd already decided to Firewall my Sobriety decision. Subsequently, I found there's a name for the System/Process: AVRT/RR. As a Female Boss used to tell me humorously on varied Topics: 'Stick a Fork in my Azz; I'm done'. And, with Drinking, I was.
I guess about 6 months in, a Mental Shift started. I was Sober for Life. Meanwhile, I hang out here for what I call 'Knowledge Knuggets'; bits of wisdom from fellow Free Thinkers.
One Gent posted that he was 'done' - full stop - at the 1 year Marker. He said it took a few years more to feel like he was completely an ex-Drinker.
So, without judging or comparing myself, I'm kinda going for that general Timeline.
Da Wife has a 1/2-emptied Bottle of Colorado Vodka in the Fridge, and some Wine in the Pantry. She has an E-Cig Hash Oil Pipe, legal in Colorado. I really don't think about it, or 'lust' after any of it. She moderates. Frankly, I can't relate to terms like 'White Knuckling', or the demeaning phrase 'Dry Drunk'. Huh?
I used to have all my Hair. I used to do Athletic things 'faster'. I used to Drink. I don't obsess over any of those things anymore. They've passed. I'm totally kewl with that.
I just looked at the local Weather Forecast. As my saying goes these days: 'When the going gets tough, the tough go Camping'. So, while Da Wife's Car is in the Shop, that's what we're gonna do. She'll inventory a Bottle or two of Wine so as to not forget it. Meanwhile, I'm gonna make sure we have enough Firewood for both morning and evening Campfires while at ~7,700' for 3+ days. And, make sure we have 'enough' Spicy Veg Juice, to which I add 'Sriracha' Sauce for my nightly Cocktail. Each trip, I muck with something new on our lil Trailer, and try some new Geekazoid, comfort trick to keep the sotted Brain working. Maybe I patch Da Wife's Nano into a little modded Radio to have plenty of Tunes, etc.
There is no 'loss' to not Drinking. I can't regret not going back to that which I don't miss.
I guess about 6 months in, a Mental Shift started. I was Sober for Life. Meanwhile, I hang out here for what I call 'Knowledge Knuggets'; bits of wisdom from fellow Free Thinkers.
One Gent posted that he was 'done' - full stop - at the 1 year Marker. He said it took a few years more to feel like he was completely an ex-Drinker.
So, without judging or comparing myself, I'm kinda going for that general Timeline.
Da Wife has a 1/2-emptied Bottle of Colorado Vodka in the Fridge, and some Wine in the Pantry. She has an E-Cig Hash Oil Pipe, legal in Colorado. I really don't think about it, or 'lust' after any of it. She moderates. Frankly, I can't relate to terms like 'White Knuckling', or the demeaning phrase 'Dry Drunk'. Huh?
I used to have all my Hair. I used to do Athletic things 'faster'. I used to Drink. I don't obsess over any of those things anymore. They've passed. I'm totally kewl with that.
I just looked at the local Weather Forecast. As my saying goes these days: 'When the going gets tough, the tough go Camping'. So, while Da Wife's Car is in the Shop, that's what we're gonna do. She'll inventory a Bottle or two of Wine so as to not forget it. Meanwhile, I'm gonna make sure we have enough Firewood for both morning and evening Campfires while at ~7,700' for 3+ days. And, make sure we have 'enough' Spicy Veg Juice, to which I add 'Sriracha' Sauce for my nightly Cocktail. Each trip, I muck with something new on our lil Trailer, and try some new Geekazoid, comfort trick to keep the sotted Brain working. Maybe I patch Da Wife's Nano into a little modded Radio to have plenty of Tunes, etc.
There is no 'loss' to not Drinking. I can't regret not going back to that which I don't miss.
Trudgin
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Thanks Mesa for the input - much appreciated. Next week headed to visit family in ABQ and headed to fish the Brazo's in northern New Mexico.
Points well taken. I have several hobbies and enjoy fishing, hunt etc. Fished at daybreak today for crappie. Read many different books as well. The question is more of a curiosity nature of waking up one day and for several hours sobriety doesn't pop in my head.
Appreciate the response.....have a gas!
peace
fly
Points well taken. I have several hobbies and enjoy fishing, hunt etc. Fished at daybreak today for crappie. Read many different books as well. The question is more of a curiosity nature of waking up one day and for several hours sobriety doesn't pop in my head.
Appreciate the response.....have a gas!
peace
fly
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Chattanooga TN
Posts: 596
Just my experience, but once I stopped waking up with being sober popping in my head, or the thought being consciously pondered during the day, I was setting myself up for that one beer that did eventually get drank and back down the rabbit hole I went.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
IMHO, starting your day with sobriety in mind is a good thing. just make sure you add a good healthy dose of GRATITUDE for that sobriety. instead of arrogance, aim for humility.
There's a passage in the Big Book that talks about the boy whistling in the dark. don't be that boy. your recovery is still VERY young, it needs to be nurtured, fostered, encouraged and strengthened. every day.
There's a passage in the Big Book that talks about the boy whistling in the dark. don't be that boy. your recovery is still VERY young, it needs to be nurtured, fostered, encouraged and strengthened. every day.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
That thought about sobriety, being the first thing you think about every morning, might be due to contrast. You're no longer hung over so theworldlooksdifferent from this new perspective. It's quite natural to attribute this to a new way of living. I would consider it a gift.
In my experience, those who have more of this sort of obsession have a little easier time staying sober. A measure of pride in this accomplishment is also not a bad thing.
It's what you do with it all that matters.
In my experience, those who have more of this sort of obsession have a little easier time staying sober. A measure of pride in this accomplishment is also not a bad thing.
It's what you do with it all that matters.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
I think as I started to rekindle my life away from alcohol, drinking has been pushed more and more to the fringes of my mind, it didn't happen overnight, but through practice and created new routines and a new lifestyle, one that no longer facilitates drinking, my mind frame of now being a "non drinker" has been established.
Simply not drinking didn't get me far, I had to fill life with a new life, and the more I do that, and the longer I keep doing it, the more and more my old life is kicked to the kerb.
The obsession has started to fade, and Sobriety is simply becoming my life, the new natural order of things!!
Simply not drinking didn't get me far, I had to fill life with a new life, and the more I do that, and the longer I keep doing it, the more and more my old life is kicked to the kerb.
The obsession has started to fade, and Sobriety is simply becoming my life, the new natural order of things!!
Trudgin
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by Mikie9
Just my experience, but once I stopped waking up with being sober popping in my head, or the thought being consciously pondered during the day, I was setting myself up for that one beer that did eventually get drank and back down the rabbit hole I went.
fly
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 8,076
My journey in sobriety has just started. I obsess over it pretty much all day long. Right now I think it's a good thing since I had a relapse that lasted four days about two weeks ago. I'm guarding my sobriety with everything I have.
I'm with Flynbuy though. I want to get to the point where it's not an obsession. I want to be comfortable and confident with my sobriety. Guess it's just gonna take time and patience. Knowledge and learning too.
I'm with Flynbuy though. I want to get to the point where it's not an obsession. I want to be comfortable and confident with my sobriety. Guess it's just gonna take time and patience. Knowledge and learning too.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
AA still strongly advocates focusing on your sobriety in the morning when you wake - for the rest of your life - spending some time reading recovery literature, prayer & meditation. In the long-ago AA days, before the steps were hashed out, this was one of their primary recommendations.
The purpose & result of this is to set intentions for the day. Then you can let go of sobriety focus & just be present in your life. Most spiritual traditions share this focus on morning contemplation time.
I, on the other hand, barely wake up in time to swill my strong coffee, throw on some clothes, and race to work to get there on time, so it's not part of my tradition. I spend half the morning just reaffirming my intentions amidst my busyness...not the ideal. One of my hopes (& vague intention) is to get to the place where I do wake up an hour earlier & add this activity to my day.
As to sobriety thoughts, like Haennie, I have layers of self-actualization to mine, so my growth seems to take place in differently oriented cycles. I reached a place last week where sobriety felt comfortable and "part of me," and so quit smoking. The smoking layer holds all sorts of grief & vulnerability feelings (kept those contained), & so they are what are emerging and have to be "worked.". As that takes place, I'm still maintaining my sobriety supports (meetings, etc.) but the focus of which feelings I'm noticing & expressing shifts to the newly released stuff.
I'll stay inside this emotional and behavioral layer for as long as it takes to process, & when I am again feeling strong & centered, will give myself another challenge (or opening) to sift through more. I did a little bit of gold prospecting this summer, so the phrase "dredging up old feelings" has significance to me. And those sparkling bits of gold in my pan, as I endlessly process my "material" so dredged, those are my moments of epiphany & self-knowledge.
Lastly, I am in a "new" recovery, after a relapse. Prior to that, I had six months sober. It all got both too casual for me (in that I wasn't thinking about or placing intention on my sobriety) & too "exhausting" for me (in that I instituted a primarily fitness regime of self discovery which was lonely and -frankly- boring for me).
I am however, deeply curious & endlessly fascinated by my own emotional geography, so as others have stated, in viewing sobriety as a given, a required quality for my journey, I feel like I've found its right placement.
The purpose & result of this is to set intentions for the day. Then you can let go of sobriety focus & just be present in your life. Most spiritual traditions share this focus on morning contemplation time.
I, on the other hand, barely wake up in time to swill my strong coffee, throw on some clothes, and race to work to get there on time, so it's not part of my tradition. I spend half the morning just reaffirming my intentions amidst my busyness...not the ideal. One of my hopes (& vague intention) is to get to the place where I do wake up an hour earlier & add this activity to my day.
As to sobriety thoughts, like Haennie, I have layers of self-actualization to mine, so my growth seems to take place in differently oriented cycles. I reached a place last week where sobriety felt comfortable and "part of me," and so quit smoking. The smoking layer holds all sorts of grief & vulnerability feelings (kept those contained), & so they are what are emerging and have to be "worked.". As that takes place, I'm still maintaining my sobriety supports (meetings, etc.) but the focus of which feelings I'm noticing & expressing shifts to the newly released stuff.
I'll stay inside this emotional and behavioral layer for as long as it takes to process, & when I am again feeling strong & centered, will give myself another challenge (or opening) to sift through more. I did a little bit of gold prospecting this summer, so the phrase "dredging up old feelings" has significance to me. And those sparkling bits of gold in my pan, as I endlessly process my "material" so dredged, those are my moments of epiphany & self-knowledge.
Lastly, I am in a "new" recovery, after a relapse. Prior to that, I had six months sober. It all got both too casual for me (in that I wasn't thinking about or placing intention on my sobriety) & too "exhausting" for me (in that I instituted a primarily fitness regime of self discovery which was lonely and -frankly- boring for me).
I am however, deeply curious & endlessly fascinated by my own emotional geography, so as others have stated, in viewing sobriety as a given, a required quality for my journey, I feel like I've found its right placement.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
I obsessed about my recovery as much as I obsessed about my drinking...but I got better.
Part of both obsessions was fear for me...I drank through fear and fear of relapse was with me constantly for a while.
with time, growth and hard work I eventually let that fear go...
I'm sure you'll find an equilibrium soon too flynbuy
D
Part of both obsessions was fear for me...I drank through fear and fear of relapse was with me constantly for a while.
with time, growth and hard work I eventually let that fear go...
I'm sure you'll find an equilibrium soon too flynbuy
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
It took a while for my life to fill back in. I had edited out the central aspect in one fell swoop…but slowly layering back in people, interest, commitments that ran in lockstep with my commitment to sobriety. I was out of shape, my home office was a disaster, small things like car registrations, appliance repairs..even changing lightbulbs.
But I kind of liked it…because not drinking gave me the luxury of feeling like I had so many more hours in my day. I didn't mentally shut it down at 5pm. I didn't spend hours hiding bottles, recycling empties and buying more.
Today I went to a rink and skated. It was symbolic for me. The last time I went to this rink was about 2 months after I got sober. I got lost, and it ended up that I had brought 2 left skates, so the whole trip was a waste. The next day I went back and skated and had my rear handed to me….I could not believe how out of shape I had gotten. I used to skate 3 hours a day and I was literally sucking wind after 10 minutes. I crept out of the rink with my tail between my wobbly legs.
Today I found my way there no problem. I was lucky there were only about 4 of us on the ice. And I was shocked to see that I was able to skate pretty hard for an hour. I joined the SR fitbit group and while walking seemed sort of wimpy to me…I now realize it got me back in shape. I now love walking.
All of this happened slowly. There is no way I could have rushed any of this. The important stuff got done, but I treated myself kindly.
There is a part of sobriety that seems so insanely rational now. And even though I am increasingly energized by being sober, those last dark days before I decided something had to change still resonate. I don't drink no matter what, and that simple act has opened up so many possibilities. 4 months was my roughest patch… I felt flat and missed the drama. But the highs were unsustainable, and I knew that. I hung out here a lot, and listened to the kind words of others who had traveled the same path.
Even when the road seemed flat…at least I was on a different road. I knew what drinking again would bring. I hung in there and trusted that people here weren't lying when they say it gets better.
The further away you get from the bottle, the more roadblocks you create against going backwards. You begin to see all that is possible, and looking backwards only reminds you of how small your world had gotten. Hang in there Flyn…4 months is huge, you got this!
But I kind of liked it…because not drinking gave me the luxury of feeling like I had so many more hours in my day. I didn't mentally shut it down at 5pm. I didn't spend hours hiding bottles, recycling empties and buying more.
Today I went to a rink and skated. It was symbolic for me. The last time I went to this rink was about 2 months after I got sober. I got lost, and it ended up that I had brought 2 left skates, so the whole trip was a waste. The next day I went back and skated and had my rear handed to me….I could not believe how out of shape I had gotten. I used to skate 3 hours a day and I was literally sucking wind after 10 minutes. I crept out of the rink with my tail between my wobbly legs.
Today I found my way there no problem. I was lucky there were only about 4 of us on the ice. And I was shocked to see that I was able to skate pretty hard for an hour. I joined the SR fitbit group and while walking seemed sort of wimpy to me…I now realize it got me back in shape. I now love walking.
All of this happened slowly. There is no way I could have rushed any of this. The important stuff got done, but I treated myself kindly.
There is a part of sobriety that seems so insanely rational now. And even though I am increasingly energized by being sober, those last dark days before I decided something had to change still resonate. I don't drink no matter what, and that simple act has opened up so many possibilities. 4 months was my roughest patch… I felt flat and missed the drama. But the highs were unsustainable, and I knew that. I hung out here a lot, and listened to the kind words of others who had traveled the same path.
Even when the road seemed flat…at least I was on a different road. I knew what drinking again would bring. I hung in there and trusted that people here weren't lying when they say it gets better.
The further away you get from the bottle, the more roadblocks you create against going backwards. You begin to see all that is possible, and looking backwards only reminds you of how small your world had gotten. Hang in there Flyn…4 months is huge, you got this!
Trudgin
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Great insight from SR friends, really appreciate the comments!
While continuing spiritual growth and discovery path, always reflect gratefully on the new sobriety gift I have been given daily. Based on spiritual growth trust and acknowledge those things I need help in changing. Take them in their individual components and not all things at once = patience but Action.
Establish new habits and routines that are beyond just not drinking to truly come to a place as a non-drinker. I agree with friend's strong statement about it's what you do with it...here, here!
Nurtured, fostered, encouraged and strengthened - DAILY. Well said.
Everyone of these posts helped me in different ways.
Yes, DEE - fear of failure. It's not overwhelming, but more like unacceptable to me at this point. But, is that just bravado......
Truly thankful for all!
I know it will all process.....IF I just don't drink!
fly
While continuing spiritual growth and discovery path, always reflect gratefully on the new sobriety gift I have been given daily. Based on spiritual growth trust and acknowledge those things I need help in changing. Take them in their individual components and not all things at once = patience but Action.
Establish new habits and routines that are beyond just not drinking to truly come to a place as a non-drinker. I agree with friend's strong statement about it's what you do with it...here, here!
Nurtured, fostered, encouraged and strengthened - DAILY. Well said.
Everyone of these posts helped me in different ways.
Yes, DEE - fear of failure. It's not overwhelming, but more like unacceptable to me at this point. But, is that just bravado......
Truly thankful for all!
I know it will all process.....IF I just don't drink!
fly
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