Absolutely new
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 1
Absolutely new
Hi.
I've never been in a chat room or on forums. I'm interested in finding out about others who are experiencing loneliness in their recovery. I feel detached, in spite of my almost-two-years of sobriety. I don't know if this has to do with my depression, or if this is something that others can relate to. I have been part of fellowship, and even was involved with a man from my home group for a year, although this ended in April. I go to many meetings every week. I want to know if others feel this detachment, and if so, does it leave?
I've never been in a chat room or on forums. I'm interested in finding out about others who are experiencing loneliness in their recovery. I feel detached, in spite of my almost-two-years of sobriety. I don't know if this has to do with my depression, or if this is something that others can relate to. I have been part of fellowship, and even was involved with a man from my home group for a year, although this ended in April. I go to many meetings every week. I want to know if others feel this detachment, and if so, does it leave?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Hi and Welcome,
I wonder if you've taken up any new hobbies or activities since you began recovery. I did that and it really helped a lot and I met some great people. Have you talked to your dr about the possibility of depression?
I wonder if you've taken up any new hobbies or activities since you began recovery. I did that and it really helped a lot and I met some great people. Have you talked to your dr about the possibility of depression?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Loneliness has been the toughest part of sobriety for me. When I got out of rehab 3 years ago, I was single for the first time in 6 years and had moved from the suburbs into the city. I did internet dating for a year but that lead to a couple relapses. A woman in her mid-30's likes to be wined and dined a little but I wound up going on week long benders after the date so I had to stop that.
I am just accepting the loneliness for now as part of my recovery. Sobriety is my number one priority. I really don't know who I am as a person to be honest so I need to learn to love myself before I can love anyone else.
I am just accepting the loneliness for now as part of my recovery. Sobriety is my number one priority. I really don't know who I am as a person to be honest so I need to learn to love myself before I can love anyone else.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,226
[QUOTE=Wastinglife;4948273]Loneliness has been the toughest part of sobriety for me. When I got out of rehab 3 years ago, I was single for the first time in 6 years and had moved from the suburbs into the city. I did internet dating for a year but that lead to a couple relapses. A woman in her mid-30's likes to be wined and dined a little but I wound up going on week long benders after the date so I had to stop that.
I am just accepting the loneliness for now as part of my recovery. Sobriety is my number one priority. I really don't know who I am as a person to be honest so I need to learn to love myself before I can love anyone else.[/QUOTE]
So true.
I am just accepting the loneliness for now as part of my recovery. Sobriety is my number one priority. I really don't know who I am as a person to be honest so I need to learn to love myself before I can love anyone else.[/QUOTE]
So true.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,557
Welcome Queequeg. I hope it'll help you to be here with us. You're never alone.
I agree with the others about depression. It's common in recovery. I did feel a bit isolated the first few months, but for me it passed as I adjusted to a different way of living. I definitely think you should tell your doctor what you've been going through.
I agree with the others about depression. It's common in recovery. I did feel a bit isolated the first few months, but for me it passed as I adjusted to a different way of living. I definitely think you should tell your doctor what you've been going through.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
Yep, I identify with exactly this.
I sat in meetings, big and small, feeling lonely, separate from, disconnected and like, even in a group of other alcoholics... I still didn't fit in.
It's actually a pretty common thing unfortunately.
What i found was the fellowship, the camaraderie etc that I craved, in a home group that believes in the "common solution " ie: the 12 step program of AA.
If you are in a group that has a philosophy of "lots of meetings and just don't drink no matter what " type of stuff.... In my experience, that is your problem, right there in a nutshell.
I sat in meetings, big and small, feeling lonely, separate from, disconnected and like, even in a group of other alcoholics... I still didn't fit in.
It's actually a pretty common thing unfortunately.
What i found was the fellowship, the camaraderie etc that I craved, in a home group that believes in the "common solution " ie: the 12 step program of AA.
If you are in a group that has a philosophy of "lots of meetings and just don't drink no matter what " type of stuff.... In my experience, that is your problem, right there in a nutshell.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome to SR, Queequeg! Loneliness isn't part of sobriety, it's part of life. I think that's an important idea to get your mind around. When you're drunk you maybe don't notice as much but I think it's still there.
I'm a bad one to talk I guess. My job involves working closely with a group of people for maybe seven-to-nine hours a day, six days a week. When I'm not working I kind of like solitude. I'm not anti-social really, just mildly asocial. Or I should say that my needs for human contact are pretty easily met by minimal human interaction.
Maybe you need to find an activity that will allow you to meet people. That could be a book club, some kind of sport/game (eg bowling, skating, bingo- be creative!), something that involves other people. Perhaps you could take a class in something. Volunteering for something community related might also be a good move.
I'm a bad one to talk I guess. My job involves working closely with a group of people for maybe seven-to-nine hours a day, six days a week. When I'm not working I kind of like solitude. I'm not anti-social really, just mildly asocial. Or I should say that my needs for human contact are pretty easily met by minimal human interaction.
Maybe you need to find an activity that will allow you to meet people. That could be a book club, some kind of sport/game (eg bowling, skating, bingo- be creative!), something that involves other people. Perhaps you could take a class in something. Volunteering for something community related might also be a good move.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I'm nearly 3 years sober.
I feel different.
I feel very isolated at times.
I sometimes feel on the edge of society.
I'm not too bad when I work and can engage myself in that.
But at social events, I feel awkward at the moment.
I tend yo avoid them where I can.
I also change in my mood quite a bit.
Maybe thats because I am on my own quite a bit.
Sometimes I am content in my own company.
Other times I could pace the floor out of despair and loneliness and feeling in a rut.
I feel different.
I feel very isolated at times.
I sometimes feel on the edge of society.
I'm not too bad when I work and can engage myself in that.
But at social events, I feel awkward at the moment.
I tend yo avoid them where I can.
I also change in my mood quite a bit.
Maybe thats because I am on my own quite a bit.
Sometimes I am content in my own company.
Other times I could pace the floor out of despair and loneliness and feeling in a rut.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Grayslake, IL
Posts: 732
I, personally have always been a lone wolf. Ever since way before alcohol was a problem. In school and college I participated in many activities and sports, but was never "loyal" to any one group. I've always preferred to do things on my own, even when I've been in relationships. The only exception is my last relationship, where I lost my sense of independence and the things that make me ME seemed to wither and die. I attribute that to drinking. So now, in Sobriety, I love that I can be content on my own. I love my independence. There are a select few people who I trust and love right now, and that is okay. I'm not a socialite, and I never will be, no matter how much I pretended when I drank.
Bunnez
Bunnez
Living Sober
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 555
Hey Queequeg-
I'm new here too, but what I've seen thus far, I think you'll find this forum to be a good place to be. I know that I have.
You mentioned feeling "detached."
I think as you spend some time in this forum you might find that what you are feeling is not so uncommon. I have read several postings in the two days that I've been here which echos what I've been feeling, and that tends to bring me some comfort. Knowing that I'm (we're) not alone in this struggle.
I am a believer in reinventing one's self. I know that 'says easy, but does hard.' But for me I found another avenue, and I don't feel so detached myself as a result. This took a few years.
Anyhow, Welcome!
I'm new here too, but what I've seen thus far, I think you'll find this forum to be a good place to be. I know that I have.
You mentioned feeling "detached."
I think as you spend some time in this forum you might find that what you are feeling is not so uncommon. I have read several postings in the two days that I've been here which echos what I've been feeling, and that tends to bring me some comfort. Knowing that I'm (we're) not alone in this struggle.
I am a believer in reinventing one's self. I know that 'says easy, but does hard.' But for me I found another avenue, and I don't feel so detached myself as a result. This took a few years.
Anyhow, Welcome!
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Queequeg, call me Ishmael.
It's a very common feeling that arises from spending so much time navel-gazing. We have to focus so much of our attention on ourselves that we lapse in interaction with others. You have to get out there and get involved in life again.
It's a very common feeling that arises from spending so much time navel-gazing. We have to focus so much of our attention on ourselves that we lapse in interaction with others. You have to get out there and get involved in life again.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
I can feel alone in a room full of people and perfectly content being by myself. I think it comes from the inside out rather than the reverse. Learn to be content in all circumstances and you have conquered everything!
I apologize if this seems flippant. Not meant that way.
I apologize if this seems flippant. Not meant that way.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi and welcome Queequeg 
I was always lonely - even in a crowd - and I hated spending time alone with myself.
But when I started building a sober life I loved - like Anna suggested I followed hobbies and interests, made new sober friends and I did some community volunteering - I was eventually able to face myself and accept that I wasn't that bad after all.
It wasn't overnight but now I really do feel comfortable in my own company. I also have a lot of friends. I very rarely feel lonely.
I really hope you can make this happen for you too
D
I was always lonely - even in a crowd - and I hated spending time alone with myself.
But when I started building a sober life I loved - like Anna suggested I followed hobbies and interests, made new sober friends and I did some community volunteering - I was eventually able to face myself and accept that I wasn't that bad after all.
It wasn't overnight but now I really do feel comfortable in my own company. I also have a lot of friends. I very rarely feel lonely.
I really hope you can make this happen for you too
D
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