Frustrations with family.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,323
Frustrations with family.
Sometimes you just can't win no matter what. I've promised to spend thanksgiving weekend with my longtime GF and her family. I promised this weeks ago. (We're going to decorate for halloween, bake cookies. Fun!)
Then last week i get an invite that my extended family is having a Huge get together for thanksgiving...Lots of family/friends and of course BOOZE
(So i politely declined...Have plans already..Being around booze..Strike two!) So my sister is upset at me for not going to the family gathering...
And to further add to things my Uncle from BC came to town for a week.
Now i get invited to Saturday family dinner with my Uncle (Sorry can't i have plans already.)
So my Uncle flips it and says OK well lets do it Friday instead! Except my Sister can't do Friday because SHE has plans. And now it's MY fault because we're having dinner on Friday and she feels excluded.
When she finds out about this she storms out of the room like a 4 year old and hides in the basement. (She's 27 by the way!) I text her to come back and talk to us like you know...ADULTS!?
She tells me to *F... Off* and stop texting her.
The old thoughts of anger...What the hell?...Could have ruined my whole night..But i talked it through with my Mom and eventually let it go.
I ask guidance from my higher power/god here.
She's pulled these kind of *I'm not going to talk to you...I'm mad!* nonsense before.
Just wanted to get that OUT. Thanks for being here SR.
Then last week i get an invite that my extended family is having a Huge get together for thanksgiving...Lots of family/friends and of course BOOZE
(So i politely declined...Have plans already..Being around booze..Strike two!) So my sister is upset at me for not going to the family gathering...And to further add to things my Uncle from BC came to town for a week.
Now i get invited to Saturday family dinner with my Uncle (Sorry can't i have plans already.)
So my Uncle flips it and says OK well lets do it Friday instead! Except my Sister can't do Friday because SHE has plans. And now it's MY fault because we're having dinner on Friday and she feels excluded.
When she finds out about this she storms out of the room like a 4 year old and hides in the basement. (She's 27 by the way!) I text her to come back and talk to us like you know...ADULTS!?
She tells me to *F... Off* and stop texting her.
The old thoughts of anger...What the hell?...Could have ruined my whole night..But i talked it through with my Mom and eventually let it go.
I ask guidance from my higher power/god here.
She's pulled these kind of *I'm not going to talk to you...I'm mad!* nonsense before.
Just wanted to get that OUT. Thanks for being here SR.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,850
I am really sorry that you are going through this, Findingtheway; this is the time to put your sobriety first. There will be other family gatherings, when you have bulked up those sober muscles.
Maybe send some Thanksgiving cards or notes to your family members to let them know how important they are to you or some other small gesture???
Maybe send some Thanksgiving cards or notes to your family members to let them know how important they are to you or some other small gesture???
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Oy, Family. Don't worry - another holiday is always right around the corner to stir up enough drama to make the last one look tame by comparison. 
Let your sister work through her need for chaos without your input. Soon enough she will learn that Silent Treatments aren't going to change the fact that you are a person separate from her with your own needs and schedules and life. Protect your sobriety first; other things will fall into line eventually if they are meant to be part of your life. Good for you for standing by your plans and being able to detach from your sister's childish behavior. She is obviously in a lot of pain for some reason, but until she can deal with it in a mature, communicative way, there is nothing you can do.
Let your sister work through her need for chaos without your input. Soon enough she will learn that Silent Treatments aren't going to change the fact that you are a person separate from her with your own needs and schedules and life. Protect your sobriety first; other things will fall into line eventually if they are meant to be part of your life. Good for you for standing by your plans and being able to detach from your sister's childish behavior. She is obviously in a lot of pain for some reason, but until she can deal with it in a mature, communicative way, there is nothing you can do.
Failure Is Not An Option
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Carmichael, CA
Posts: 244
Hey FindingtheWay, That's family. When one member is up, another is down, when one is happy, another is sad. Family dynamics. It sounds like you took the high road. That's all you can do.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Sounds like my family!
My sister and are like the two knives that make a scissor. Always moving in opposite directions, but interminably joined and horribly punishing to anything that comes between us.
Breathe deep. They're just family. They are as full of crap as everybody else, we just have to see their crap.
My sister and are like the two knives that make a scissor. Always moving in opposite directions, but interminably joined and horribly punishing to anything that comes between us.
Breathe deep. They're just family. They are as full of crap as everybody else, we just have to see their crap.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
By the time you get through the steps, you will be able to be around alcohol with zero need to shield yourself from it.
I'm reading the book "Dr Bob and the Good Oldtimers "
Bill when he was living at Bobs house, put a bottle of whisky on the window sill in Bobs kitchen.
It stayed there unopened till he died sober 15 years later.
In those days they were very firm believers in having to adjust to life in the real world.
And in the real world, there is alcohol and lots of people who drink it.
By next Halloween and holiday season, you will be able to go where you like and be around who you like and if there is booze around..... So be it.
Just one more reason to get a spiritual awakening for your self.
True freedom from alcohol.
I think you are doing the right thing this year, but next year can be a very different story.
I'm sure your family will come around in time.
I'm reading the book "Dr Bob and the Good Oldtimers "
Bill when he was living at Bobs house, put a bottle of whisky on the window sill in Bobs kitchen.
It stayed there unopened till he died sober 15 years later.
In those days they were very firm believers in having to adjust to life in the real world.
And in the real world, there is alcohol and lots of people who drink it.
By next Halloween and holiday season, you will be able to go where you like and be around who you like and if there is booze around..... So be it.
Just one more reason to get a spiritual awakening for your self.
True freedom from alcohol.
I think you are doing the right thing this year, but next year can be a very different story.
I'm sure your family will come around in time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Western New York
Posts: 2,439
Hey FTW- enjoy your Thanksgiving with your girlfriend! Hope you're having lots of turkey and pie and all that good stuff. Family can be a PITA at times, give them the space to calm down and don't let them risk your sobriety!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
