Help me through tonight
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 301
Help me through tonight
Hey guys
I'm having a tough time of it right now, I helped rescue a guy at work who fell down some stairs and cracked his head open. I know I should feel proud that I did my part in the rescue but jesus, his kid was there and his face just haunts me.
I'm literally shaking as I type, it's really affected me. I don't know if he died or is in a coma or what happened.
Poor guy just came in to teach his kid about exercise.
I can't sleep, I have to be up in something like 7 hours.
I don't mind if I'm tired, I can deal with it. But my AV voice has become a demon, telling me that I deserve some beers, I did a good job, it's normal to be stressed and to do things to relax.
I remind myself that voice is trying to kill me.
I will not be taken in, it's never a few beers. I do deserve to relax, but not that way.
Tonight is going to be long, I know it. But I'm tougher than this.
It's a matter of life or death and I hear my av voice saying "oh well you won't die for ages you had tests", but I will die in terms of soul. I'm over 30 and have no value in the last 10 years at least. I would die in mind before in body and that's what being a drunk is, dying in spirit.
I just needed some troops in the trenches with me.
No surrender.
Tom.
I'm having a tough time of it right now, I helped rescue a guy at work who fell down some stairs and cracked his head open. I know I should feel proud that I did my part in the rescue but jesus, his kid was there and his face just haunts me.
I'm literally shaking as I type, it's really affected me. I don't know if he died or is in a coma or what happened.
Poor guy just came in to teach his kid about exercise.
I can't sleep, I have to be up in something like 7 hours.
I don't mind if I'm tired, I can deal with it. But my AV voice has become a demon, telling me that I deserve some beers, I did a good job, it's normal to be stressed and to do things to relax.
I remind myself that voice is trying to kill me.
I will not be taken in, it's never a few beers. I do deserve to relax, but not that way.
Tonight is going to be long, I know it. But I'm tougher than this.
It's a matter of life or death and I hear my av voice saying "oh well you won't die for ages you had tests", but I will die in terms of soul. I'm over 30 and have no value in the last 10 years at least. I would die in mind before in body and that's what being a drunk is, dying in spirit.
I just needed some troops in the trenches with me.
No surrender.
Tom.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Thomas, have you tried Urge Surfing yet?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Things like that are always unsettling Thiomasd - but hey, you were there and you helped the guy.
That's something to be proud of.
Emotions are uncomfortable beasts, especially when we;re not used to dealing with them. but you will get better and better at it
Urge Surfing is a great suggestion there by Jennie
D
That's something to be proud of.
Emotions are uncomfortable beasts, especially when we;re not used to dealing with them. but you will get better and better at it
Urge Surfing is a great suggestion there by Jennie
D
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by SoberJennie 
Thomas, have you tried Urge Surfing yet?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Sounds like you're a little traumatized. I am sure it was a shock to see this fellow fall. A few drinks may give you temporary comfort, but you'll wake up tomorrow and still remember the incident, only with a hangover. No booze!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 457
That sounds horrific! Especially with his child being there.
I am glad you were there to help him, if you were still drinking you may have acted differently. Reward yourself with a root beer and call it a night.
You've done good, don't ruin it with stinkin' thinkin'.
I am glad you were there to help him, if you were still drinking you may have acted differently. Reward yourself with a root beer and call it a night.
You've done good, don't ruin it with stinkin' thinkin'.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Montreal
Posts: 135
Hi Thomas... I understand what you are going through and I'm right here with you budy!
Don't care much about sleeping, only 4 hrs can make you ''fonctional'' tomorrow... Stay here, stay on SR for awhile, you are safe here! it kicks the AV away every time I come here!
Extreme stress, one day or another, will affect us all... it's part of this thing that they call LIFE and in these moments, we need to think about why we're doing this recovery in the first place... we need to think about people that we love and for this love, we need to hold on and continue to move forward in sobriety...
Imagine seing this poor guy face tomorrow (and unfortunately, you will!!) but with the GUILT feeling of saying to yourself: What the **** have I done drinking last night.... back at day 1... and all of this with a hangover! You don't want that!
Hang in there Thomas the train... uh... the tank!
Don't care much about sleeping, only 4 hrs can make you ''fonctional'' tomorrow... Stay here, stay on SR for awhile, you are safe here! it kicks the AV away every time I come here!
Extreme stress, one day or another, will affect us all... it's part of this thing that they call LIFE and in these moments, we need to think about why we're doing this recovery in the first place... we need to think about people that we love and for this love, we need to hold on and continue to move forward in sobriety...
Imagine seing this poor guy face tomorrow (and unfortunately, you will!!) but with the GUILT feeling of saying to yourself: What the **** have I done drinking last night.... back at day 1... and all of this with a hangover! You don't want that!
Hang in there Thomas the train... uh... the tank!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Hang in there, Thomas. Terrible thing to witness, hope the man makes it okay. Tell your AV to bugger off, you know drinking won't help you de-stress. Good for you for coming here and posting about it. We're here. Stay strong! 
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I'm so sorry you have to deal with something so emotionally intense. Amazing how the "drink solution" just overwhelms the brain when emotionally distressed. I just experienced something that upset me moments ago. It is trivial in comparison but it upset me nevertheless...and there it was instantly: the drink idea. Argh!
Like you..I opened up SR to help...alleviate the emotional upset cuz sometimes my emotional responses just feel so ridiculous and then I judge and berate myself for them. Ya ..like that helps! Only insult to injury.
This is where we find the true "mettle" of our sobriety. It is in trying emotional times where the work is..where we grow and learn and mature....when we get on through it.
This is the "not easy" part. But you're here...and you posted...and you're getting on through.
Thank you so much for sharing your struggle. It helped my sobriety.
And I do hope that gentleman fares okay.
Like you..I opened up SR to help...alleviate the emotional upset cuz sometimes my emotional responses just feel so ridiculous and then I judge and berate myself for them. Ya ..like that helps! Only insult to injury.
This is where we find the true "mettle" of our sobriety. It is in trying emotional times where the work is..where we grow and learn and mature....when we get on through it.
This is the "not easy" part. But you're here...and you posted...and you're getting on through.
Thank you so much for sharing your struggle. It helped my sobriety.
And I do hope that gentleman fares okay.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Toronto
Posts: 12
That sounds terrible! I really feel for you. All I can say is .... don't drink. That Urge Surfing post was very insightful, esp this part: "Often people try to eliminate the urges by distraction or talking themselves out of them. This usually just feeds the urges and creates the illusion that they are interminable until you give in to them."
I've noticed with the AV over the years (I only have 6 days in now, btw, but I've tried quitting - and failed quitting - many times) that the more you engage it, the stronger it becomes. Even if what you think you are doing is talking it/yourself OUT of having a drink. Just by acknowledging it, I've found it gets stronger. As much as you can, just shut it out, and don't drink.
One day at a time, you can get through this! Rooting for you!
I've noticed with the AV over the years (I only have 6 days in now, btw, but I've tried quitting - and failed quitting - many times) that the more you engage it, the stronger it becomes. Even if what you think you are doing is talking it/yourself OUT of having a drink. Just by acknowledging it, I've found it gets stronger. As much as you can, just shut it out, and don't drink.
One day at a time, you can get through this! Rooting for you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 301
Hey guys, I made it through. I got today off work after I explained to my boss how I was feeling. I guess I'm not used to having a boss who is a decent guy, I just assumed he'd say no.
The guy is still in hospital, that's all I know.
Thanks everyone.
The guy is still in hospital, that's all I know.
Thanks everyone.
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