ArtFriend

This is a chicken/egg scenario, but when I was drinking uber-heavy, I really hated life and didn't give a flying f*** about me or anyone else. I don't know if I hated life because I drank or drank because I hated life. Whatever.

I am in very early sobriety now and my "old" true self is returning bit by bit. And with that is a lot of sorrow (some joy too). I am feeling the pain that I drowned all those years, and it is excruciating at times. And I am also starting to care again. My issue has always been that I care too much about everything, so that is why I drank to blot that out.

I care about things I can't control...global warming, famine, poverty, etc. as well as mundane things like if my cats are comfortable. It really becomes too much. Anyone else like this?

biminiblue

Yeah, I had to cut back on my stuff that I worry about.

Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives me something to do, but doesn't get me anywhere.

Soberwolf

Artfriend yes i have felt like this in early sobriety don't worry feelings moods pass with better thinking & perpective and remember your in early sobriety your going to have days like this


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Jupiters

yup.

Stayingsober72

Totally. I drank to escape my pain and anxiety. Now that there is nothing to numb me out, I am feeling everything full force and it's scary. I just keep breathing and trusting that not drinking has got to be better than drinking.

alphaomega

Guilty.

Look up "Highly Sensitive Person". That explains how I lived my whole life.

When I first got sober, I felt so raw I could barely function. I cried constantly and ached with existential pain.

It seems to have subsided quite a bit in sobriety. Although you wont catch me watching the news, anything politically related or horror based movies.

Just Cant.

Lucrezia

That is definitely like me!!
My therapist says I think too much. I totally do. I have lots of anxiety....also drinking is blotting out a lot of pain, as well as all the worry. So there is much that comes up, when we stop drinking... all the stuff we were avoiding. Ah. :O
But I guess it's good to finally work through it all... feel all the feels...just not let them drive you crazy I suppose. Going to need to figure out how to do that, haha.

Jupiters

this would explain why it can be so exhausting. All those intense feelings that are actually being PROCESSED and not stuffed and drowned.
Friggin' tiring some days.
This whole "being in tune" with one's self is not easy. Sometimes I wonder if the better way would be to just NOT care, like a lot of other people. I dunno.
I know I cannot control even half of the crap I "emote" over - so I think, why? why am I cursed with this.

doggonecarl

Do you care about these things? Or worry about them? There is a difference.

PurpleKnight

Before I drank, my mind used to go a million miles an hour, I'd sit with my thoughts racing over many things, when alcohol entered my life I found it a relief to escape from the chaos of my mind, then in Sobriety I had to figure out how to be at peace with my thoughts again.

I definitely think though living in the here and now, dealing with things as they crop up is a healthier way forward, escaping and numbing all these real thoughts is not a sustainable way forward!!

Hang in there!!

ArtFriend

A difference without a distinction really. I care and I worry.

Climber122

Keep doing what you're doing and learn some techniques to deal with the normal emotional ups and downs of early sobriety.

A mantra that helped me a lot in early sobriety was: "Feelings aren't facts." Just because things seem extremely bad/good what have you, doesn't make it so. Our emotions are like a rubber band early in recovery.

I'm glad you are starting to feel again - it's good! As your brain rewires it will become healthier again and you will adapt to life easier. It takes time, but after a while you should be able to care about such things but not be overwhelmed by your emotions. It gets better

Elodie

I felt like this too. I used to say to myself, "I feel too much, more than others, I need to drink to feel like a normal person feels naturally."

I don't think that way anymore. I feel a lot again, sometimes it is overwhelming, but if I'm feeling things that are very negative, I try to read some uplifting news or think about all the good things going on in the world I never hear about because it never makes the news.

ArtFriend

I said the same thing! I am naturally sensitive (some say over sensitive) and I wish I had thick skin like so many others.

I am like Annie Hall who didn't want Woodie Allen to kill the spider. He says, "what do you want me to do with it? put it in therapy and rehabilitate it?"

foolsgold66

I believe this thread is missing something. Anytime is a good time to resign as general manager of the universe.

doggonecarl

I think there is a distinction. There is nothing wrong with caring. However, exccessive worrying is a neurosis.

JaneLane

This is a great thread. I'm so glad there are other sensitive souls who used alcohol and drugs to self-medicate some pretty intense worrying and anxieties!
I actually didn't start drinking to self-medicate but when it wasn't till I tried to stop the first time, that I realised how much of a bad state I was in.
I really love the rocking chair analogy further up that someone else posted.
I find that writing has helped a lot with this as I can list my worries and tackle them one by one.

ElleDee

Me too. I get frustrated with things I can't control a lot... better than I used to be... I'm working on it. I don't watch the news as much anymore. I used to watch in the morning and the evening and I was crying about all kinds of stuff happening in the world that I can't do anything about.

Remember that Serenity prayer. I say it over and over some days.

Peace

ArtFriend

Thanks for reminding me of that prayer! So very true.

Gotta work on the wisdom to know the difference part!

Anna

ArtFriend, like others here, I did the same thing.

It was amazing to me when I learned that feelings didn't have control over me. I had felt like I was buffeted about by waves of feelings and I had no choice in the matter. But, the truth is, you can feel the feeling and recognize it and then let it go. It's not you.