Sunsetred

Argh I'm currently laid in bed and can't sleep for thinking about all the shameful things I've done! One thing in particular which is too embarrassing to even talk about! But I know someone from my old town knows about it! It was a few years ago but this guy knows my mum and other family members and friends, what if he's told people but they've just been too embarrassed to tell me! Oh the absolute shame is unbearable! And to think even that at that time wasn't enough to stop me!!

Will I stop feeling and thinking about these things at some point will I be able to just let them go and forget?

Dee74

Hi sunsetred

I've told this story before but it might help...I was that guy in the neighbourhood...dirty smelly, half drunk at best, legless at worse...mothers would cross their kids to the other side of the road to avoid me.

I rescued my reputation from that

Whatever skeletons you have people do forget who you used to be...in time.

There's no sense in living in the past anyway - we can't change a second of it. But there's a lot we can do today to maintain our new serf version 2.0

Don't waste energy on the stuff you cannot change - give staying sober everything you have

D
D

Wastinglife

I have so many embarrassing and shameful moments, I really can't keep track of them. I also ruminate about things that happened years ago during my drinking days. It's been a problem since I sobered up because when I was drinking I didn't care. Without the numbing effect of alcohol, my conscience has come back and I am only now feeling the regret.

The good news for you Sunsetred is that yes, you will be able to forget and move on. Maybe 'forgive' is a better way to look at it. With the help of my therapist, I am learning to forgive myself. I don't know who that person was when I did all those things. I was a sick man under the influence.

I wouldn't worry about your family finding anything out. It was a few years ago it's probably all forgotten. My embarrassing moments mainly exist only in my head these days I'm sure.

hayley86

I used to really struggle with feelings of guilt and shame over things i did in the past when i was drinking. When i first stopped drinking i spent a lot of time obsessing and worrying about things that i had done and it was exhausting. I tried to focus on doing everything possible to stay sober and with time the worry and guilt definitely started to fade. Everyone has done things that they regret, all you can do is keep moving forward and forgive yourself. One of the best things about sobriety for me is peace of mind and not having to worry about what i may have said or done. It will get easier!

MariahGayle

I'm sorry SunSet.....you are not alone in feeling that way, so many if not all of us here have felt the same way. It will get better....It is important that you forgive yourself & move forward, as those feelings lead us back to what got us there in the first place. I am finding positive affirmations are helping me a lot....repeating "I forgive myself & move on".....I have done that many a night until I fall asleep. ((hugs)) to you

goose333

SunsetRed
I'm finding exactly the same thing. I'm at 18 days and now that my mind is not numb all the time, sights and sounds during the day trigger these memories. Stupid things I've done while drunk. There are so many. It upsets me. But I can't change it so what I do is use it to shut up my AV. Sure sure, I can have a drink but I will do that again and I don't want to be like that again so go away AV. Just try and turn it into a positive thing.
Goose

Mark1014

Hi sunsetred,

I agree with goose. When I'm not craving I try very hard not to dwell on my humiliations. When I am feeling tempted I do a retrospective and briefly think of a few of the bad times in my life and then recall whether or not drinking played a role....99% of the time it did. I now use those negatives as a tool to make AV shut up. Then I try to stop thinking about it again. Have a great Thursday.

Change4good

None of us have time machines, and there is absolutely no way to change the past. But, we can change our futures, and decide we want something different.

Everyone loves a come back story. Look at Robert Downey Jr. :-) Be the best comeback ever!

Mark1014

Good example change4good. I've used him as motivation too. I pulled up some of his recent interviews and enjoyed reading his comeback story.

Chasingthedream

Hey Sunset

What Dee says is absolutely true- you can't change a second of your past, but you can shape your future.

I find when I focus on my past, and all the embarrassing/shameful things I've done, it can make me feel so ashamed of myself that I want to run and hide which leads me to my DOC.

You have a second chance, and people do forget. To be honest, I also try and remember that most of the time, people are wrapped up with their own problems and have probably spent very little time thinking about yours..

Have a good day and try and stay in the present

sprout50

Sunsetred, If you knew someone else who was trying to get sober, would you forgive them for any embarrassing things they had done? Then forgive yourself. And move on.

Sunsetred

Thanks everyone! I managed to get some sleep, and woke up feeling quite good really. I'm pushing through! Although I'm a bit worried about the weekend as we have a 'party' to attend, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Day 5 today :-)

sprout50

So glad to hear that you are feeling better. If you have trouble going to the party, can you pass on it? If you do go and have that urge to drink, just remind yourself that it is only a mement in time and it will pass.

Huge congrats on 5 days!

Soberwolf

Well done on day 5

FreeOwl

it's true we can change our future.... but remember also that the future is only a dream and the past is only a memory.

one of the best antidotes for the shame of yesterday is what we are doing RIGHT NOW.

Be the person you wish to see yourself being TODAY. RIGHT NOW.

If we stick to doing the right things today - being a person who is sober and trustworthy and loving and kind and happy and hardworking and loyal and truthful - then what is in the past doesnt matter and whatever comes of the future will be golden.

Mark1014

Hey sunsetred, join in this weekend on the thread that weasel started again for this sober weekend. Helped me so much last time. I don't have a party but I do have to travel alone and am a little anxious. Let's decide now that we're not drinking this weekend....there, decision made!

Dee74

You know you don't *have* to go to this party right?

D

Chrysalides

I've had many moments like this over the last 32 days. Sometimes it does feel overwhelming. I just keep telling myself that I can be better today, I just have to live in today as much as possible.

risingup

It always helps me when I'm having those feelings of shame to think.....people really aren't as concerned about me and my life as much as I might imagine. They are wrapped up in their own lives.......they are too busy thinking about themselves to think about something you did years ago......I hope this helps.....since we are so very focused on ourselves we assume others are too.....that is not the case.

melki

I still have heavy feelings about shameful things I've done while drinking, especially the ones that have affected my children, and the ones that I know were witnessed. And the ones I still wonder whether they were... I have this acquaintance who has seen me at one of my worst moments. I see her often and she always gives me a suspicious once-over now. I smile a wide smile, look directly in her eyes, make small talk, and move on. There's nothing I can do about that episode and the past, but it brings me comfort knowing that I will never do that again and that I have now liberated myself from wondering "has anybody seen this", "who knows", "how do my eyes look", "how is my breath", "am I ok to drive", etc...