How do you know you really want to quit??
Blood Countess
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: A castle
Posts: 340
How do you know you really want to quit??
I feel like I don't want to quit as much as other people here (or other people quitting in general). I hear people talk of being sick of it all, sick and tired of being sick and tired... not wanting to do this anymore... just really knowing that they're done and need to make a change and quit.
Me, I seem to be getting much much more out of drinking than I am getting out of the idea of quitting. I theoretically know that I should quit, but then at the same time, I have a hard time telling myself that I actually want to. I have two therapists/counselours, and they both mentioned that I really have a lot of reasons to drink!! (not giving me the green light on drinking... just acknowledging that for me, I have many reasons driving this - you know, validating my experience and such).
So.
Do I have to keep waiting... drink more and more and more... until I feel sick and tired of being sick and tired? Hit rock bottom?? En up on the streets, with terrible hangovers, ruining my life and relationships and such?
I hear stories of people losing wives, children, their job, house, car, friends, hobbies, etc. Guess what - I don't have those things (before I started drinking) So it's really hard for me because drinking seems to be helping me get through the pain of not having those things.... and stopping, I am left with not much, a lot of pain, and a lot of other issues that I'm supposed to working with my therapists on.... but those things aren't resolved.... and so it's like a catch 22, almost. I drink because I don't have those things, but if I stopped drinking, I could work towards those things I don't have... but it's hard to bear life sober without those things, so I drink... etc...
And my brain says "it's not that bad when I drink" because it doesn't seem as destructive as other people when they drink... but the fact is, I simply want to be able to not drink. To say "no, no drinking" and then just not drink. But the amount of pain that comes with not drinking is much higher than the amount of desire I have for quitting. So, am I screwed?
Me, I seem to be getting much much more out of drinking than I am getting out of the idea of quitting. I theoretically know that I should quit, but then at the same time, I have a hard time telling myself that I actually want to. I have two therapists/counselours, and they both mentioned that I really have a lot of reasons to drink!! (not giving me the green light on drinking... just acknowledging that for me, I have many reasons driving this - you know, validating my experience and such).
So.
Do I have to keep waiting... drink more and more and more... until I feel sick and tired of being sick and tired? Hit rock bottom?? En up on the streets, with terrible hangovers, ruining my life and relationships and such?
I hear stories of people losing wives, children, their job, house, car, friends, hobbies, etc. Guess what - I don't have those things (before I started drinking) So it's really hard for me because drinking seems to be helping me get through the pain of not having those things.... and stopping, I am left with not much, a lot of pain, and a lot of other issues that I'm supposed to working with my therapists on.... but those things aren't resolved.... and so it's like a catch 22, almost. I drink because I don't have those things, but if I stopped drinking, I could work towards those things I don't have... but it's hard to bear life sober without those things, so I drink... etc...
And my brain says "it's not that bad when I drink" because it doesn't seem as destructive as other people when they drink... but the fact is, I simply want to be able to not drink. To say "no, no drinking" and then just not drink. But the amount of pain that comes with not drinking is much higher than the amount of desire I have for quitting. So, am I screwed?
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
You are stuck in the vicious cycle.
Life isn't going how I want it to.... Drink drink drink
Drinking is sucking my life down the drain and I know it, but I can't stand it either.... Drink drink drink
Even when life is going good... The icing on the cake would be a....... Drink drink drink
There are two ways to learn life lessons, watch those who have gone before you and learn by their experiences
Or
Learn the hard way by having to have those experiences for yourself.
If I could lift the lid to your brain and drop my experience in, so you could see how crappy things can get, I would.
But I can't do that. It's impossible.
I don't know what else to say. It's your journey.
All the best
Life isn't going how I want it to.... Drink drink drink
Drinking is sucking my life down the drain and I know it, but I can't stand it either.... Drink drink drink
Even when life is going good... The icing on the cake would be a....... Drink drink drink
There are two ways to learn life lessons, watch those who have gone before you and learn by their experiences
Or
Learn the hard way by having to have those experiences for yourself.
If I could lift the lid to your brain and drop my experience in, so you could see how crappy things can get, I would.
But I can't do that. It's impossible.
I don't know what else to say. It's your journey.
All the best
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
I think it's a hard decision to make. For some, it's very clear, and for others it's not. For me, it's still not crystal clear and sometimes I wonder if I even want to continue to abstain. I never really lost anything. But I think I could have gained more if I hadn't been drinking. I always functioned just fine. I just got tired of weekend hangovers when I tended to over indulge. I would never tell anyone that they have REASON to drink....that sounds ridiculous to me.if we are suffering, what better reason NOT to drink so we can fix it. If you are in pain due to not having what you want, how is drinking going to help in the long run? We cannot fix things or improve our lot with a brain in a fog caused by alcohol....i guess that's just my opinion. I still struggle but I'm glad that I am thinking more clearly now.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
This is going to sound cliche or trite, but I'd come to the point where remaining in active addiction was going to be harder and more painful than letting go of the drinking. It might have been the "perfect storm" for me - mom's suicide, my new marriage, mid-30's and just growing up in general - who knows? I didn't lose a whole lot of "things" but I did isolate myself from others toward the end. I had just enough happen to warn me that things could get much uglier if I kept going down the same road. So I wanted to end the madness. It was madness to keep drinking. The drinking wasn't doing me a bit of good. It was postponing my life. I was pushing things aside and avoiding growth.
That was enough to get me to want to quit.
Only you can determine when you've had enough. No one could've convinced me to stop. It took what it took.
That was enough to get me to want to quit.
Only you can determine when you've had enough. No one could've convinced me to stop. It took what it took.
Blood Countess
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: A castle
Posts: 340
happyandfree - I think it's difficult in part because my brain is not good with thinking in terms of... long term. It's so hard for me to get that if I go through pain now, sometime in the future I will have the things I am working towards.... it's so hard for my brain to grasp.
But. I like what you said about having gained more if we hadn't been drinking. You know, that's probably most definitely true. If I hadn't been drinking this whole time, I probably would be much further along with my goals.
Yet.....I've failed so many times, that to go through another low period where I have hardly anything.... well, it feels like I will be that way forever. Because I tried before and failed, so if I keep trying... I will fail. Ugh, my brain.
I think I should stop typing for awhile. But I will definitely read responses later/in the morning, if there are any more.
But. I like what you said about having gained more if we hadn't been drinking. You know, that's probably most definitely true. If I hadn't been drinking this whole time, I probably would be much further along with my goals.
Yet.....I've failed so many times, that to go through another low period where I have hardly anything.... well, it feels like I will be that way forever. Because I tried before and failed, so if I keep trying... I will fail. Ugh, my brain.
I think I should stop typing for awhile. But I will definitely read responses later/in the morning, if there are any more.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Jacksonville FL
Posts: 164
Lucrezia, I can relate to your post. I am in a very similar spot in my life.
I have been thinking about quitting for over a year now. And recently, I even self admitted myself into IOP. I have been going to IOP for 4 weeks now and in all that time I only had 4 sober days/nights. I basically kept drinking the same as I always had during most of my time in IOP. Which is crazy logic because no one forced me to go. I spent a lot of money on it and then didn't want to do what they recommended I do and I didn't try very hard either. I thought that just going there was a good start cause I was learning about recovery and alcoholism. Come to find out, its impossible to think my way into recovery. The only way to do it is by action.
I have 2 more sessions left of IOP before I am discharged. And now I feel like, I'm in the same position I was before I entered. I didn't get very much out of it or take advantage of what it could offer me. I sort of don't want to stop going after these 2 sessions. I sort of want to do it all over again and this time actually try. But they probably don't believe that I am serious about wanting to quit and if they would want me to pay all that money all over again in order to keep coming, that is not something I am willing to do.
I have been thinking about quitting for over a year now. And recently, I even self admitted myself into IOP. I have been going to IOP for 4 weeks now and in all that time I only had 4 sober days/nights. I basically kept drinking the same as I always had during most of my time in IOP. Which is crazy logic because no one forced me to go. I spent a lot of money on it and then didn't want to do what they recommended I do and I didn't try very hard either. I thought that just going there was a good start cause I was learning about recovery and alcoholism. Come to find out, its impossible to think my way into recovery. The only way to do it is by action.
I have 2 more sessions left of IOP before I am discharged. And now I feel like, I'm in the same position I was before I entered. I didn't get very much out of it or take advantage of what it could offer me. I sort of don't want to stop going after these 2 sessions. I sort of want to do it all over again and this time actually try. But they probably don't believe that I am serious about wanting to quit and if they would want me to pay all that money all over again in order to keep coming, that is not something I am willing to do.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
I'm not sure if this will help, so take or leave.
Firstly, the main crux of addiction is to trick your brain into thinking it needs your "insert drug of choice" to survive/lead a happy life.
It's that simple.
You say you have no relationship or anything to lose - maybe it's time to consider you don't have those things BECAUSE of drinking?
Addiction plays tricks on us in order for the madness to continue.
Firstly, the main crux of addiction is to trick your brain into thinking it needs your "insert drug of choice" to survive/lead a happy life.
It's that simple.
You say you have no relationship or anything to lose - maybe it's time to consider you don't have those things BECAUSE of drinking?
Addiction plays tricks on us in order for the madness to continue.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Montreal, PQ
Posts: 59
This is a great question Lucrezia.
For me, some days the reasons to not drink are crystal clear. I am so empowered to change my life in a new direction, and it all feels so easy and so right. Unfortunately, some days are not like that. My mind is filled with reasons why I should have a drink, and those reasons that used to be crystal clear start to fade. Every day is a battle, and every day I have to remind myself of my reasons. You are not screwed. If you think you are, its a lie. I hope that your reasons become clearer to you. I hope that you are working to eliminate your pain, and that you are not going through it alone. I'm rooting for you!!
For me, some days the reasons to not drink are crystal clear. I am so empowered to change my life in a new direction, and it all feels so easy and so right. Unfortunately, some days are not like that. My mind is filled with reasons why I should have a drink, and those reasons that used to be crystal clear start to fade. Every day is a battle, and every day I have to remind myself of my reasons. You are not screwed. If you think you are, its a lie. I hope that your reasons become clearer to you. I hope that you are working to eliminate your pain, and that you are not going through it alone. I'm rooting for you!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I was conflicted about quitting. Always at the back of my mind was the idea that it wasn't so bad. But it was so bad for me.
Eventually you will see what the best decision is for you. How and when and why to quit if that's what you decide. It isn't easy to quit. If it were there would be no need for SR.
As to people telling you that you have reasons to drink. After I quit I found out that the "reasons" were merely excuses I used to justify drinking. There is no reason to drink. I used it to cope because I lacked the skills and confidence to manage without a crutch. I work to build different skills to manage my life without drinking.
You will know eventually. Good luck.
Eventually you will see what the best decision is for you. How and when and why to quit if that's what you decide. It isn't easy to quit. If it were there would be no need for SR.
As to people telling you that you have reasons to drink. After I quit I found out that the "reasons" were merely excuses I used to justify drinking. There is no reason to drink. I used it to cope because I lacked the skills and confidence to manage without a crutch. I work to build different skills to manage my life without drinking.
You will know eventually. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Eastern Canada
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by Hawks 
You are stuck in the vicious cycle.
Life isn't going how I want it to.... Drink drink drink
Drinking is sucking my life down the drain and I know it, but I can't stand it either.... Drink drink drink
Even when life is going good... The icing on the cake would be a....... Drink drink drink
There are two ways to learn life lessons, watch those who have gone before you and learn by their experiences
Or
Learn the hard way by having to have those experiences for yourself.
If I could lift the lid to your brain and drop my experience in, so you could see how crappy things can get, I would.
But I can't do that. It's impossible.
I don't know what else to say. It's your journey.
All the best
Life isn't going how I want it to.... Drink drink drink
Drinking is sucking my life down the drain and I know it, but I can't stand it either.... Drink drink drink
Even when life is going good... The icing on the cake would be a....... Drink drink drink
There are two ways to learn life lessons, watch those who have gone before you and learn by their experiences
Or
Learn the hard way by having to have those experiences for yourself.
If I could lift the lid to your brain and drop my experience in, so you could see how crappy things can get, I would.
But I can't do that. It's impossible.
I don't know what else to say. It's your journey.
All the best
I also had to learn the hard way....by losing and destroying just about everything in my life. I'm starting to build my life back but it sure takes longer than it does to destroy it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
In 2010 when I joined this site I kinda wanted to stop drinking. I knew I should but I didn't really want to. I was a healthy 28 year old who felt good every day and just drank a lot at night. I made it ten days once in 2010 but then just decide to stop logging in on here and keep drinking without any guilt.
2011 I started noticing pain in my right side but just ignored it. Age 29
2014 Diagnosed with inflamed liver at 32. Next step would be cirrhosis if I kept drinking. High enzymes. Daily withdrawals as well. Medium but bad enough. Weekends spent on the couch recovering.
This was my week, every week. There were no longer any minutes or hours of any day that I actually felt good or even normal. I also couldn't get buzzed anymore. Even when I just sat on the porch with my drinks I felt like crap. I used to feel great drinking years ago. Something changed.
My (old) week, every week, never changed:
Monday: Wake, feel like crap, work, drink, pass out.
Tuesday: Wake, feel like crap, work, drink, pass out.
Wednesday: Wake, feel like crap, work, drink, pass out.
Thursday: Wake, feel like crap, work, drink, pass out.
Friday: Wake, feel like crap, work, drink, pass out.
Weekends were an even deeper and darker hell.
I didn't really want to stop until I had tortured my body and brain enough to where alcohol was no longer appealing. I simply couldn't handle any more.
So yeah, at the end I really really wanted to stop!
2011 I started noticing pain in my right side but just ignored it. Age 29
2014 Diagnosed with inflamed liver at 32. Next step would be cirrhosis if I kept drinking. High enzymes. Daily withdrawals as well. Medium but bad enough. Weekends spent on the couch recovering.
This was my week, every week. There were no longer any minutes or hours of any day that I actually felt good or even normal. I also couldn't get buzzed anymore. Even when I just sat on the porch with my drinks I felt like crap. I used to feel great drinking years ago. Something changed.
My (old) week, every week, never changed:
Monday: Wake, feel like crap, work, drink, pass out.
Tuesday: Wake, feel like crap, work, drink, pass out.
Wednesday: Wake, feel like crap, work, drink, pass out.
Thursday: Wake, feel like crap, work, drink, pass out.
Friday: Wake, feel like crap, work, drink, pass out.
Weekends were an even deeper and darker hell.
I didn't really want to stop until I had tortured my body and brain enough to where alcohol was no longer appealing. I simply couldn't handle any more.
So yeah, at the end I really really wanted to stop!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 129
My brother was exactly the same as you. He found more value in drinking than in not. He didn't mind that he was living completely alone with no friends and that his family members had tried everything to try to get him to quit. He would say, "I like it. I'll never quit." Whereas I, his little sister, would say, "I hate it. I want to quit."
My brother said he could quit a couple of days a month so he could do his banking etc and that he was happy with his life. Who am I to judge?
He died last year from his alcoholism at the age of 60. I got $1000 worth of bottles out of his garage. He died doing what he loved. I felt very very sad - but that was his choice. I would have chosen a different way for him but I couldn't change him.
So I can say I understand when you say you don't want to quit and that you'd rather spend your life slowly killing yourself and emotionally killing the people who love you. You're like my brother. I miss him.
Respectfully
Audra
My brother said he could quit a couple of days a month so he could do his banking etc and that he was happy with his life. Who am I to judge?
He died last year from his alcoholism at the age of 60. I got $1000 worth of bottles out of his garage. He died doing what he loved. I felt very very sad - but that was his choice. I would have chosen a different way for him but I couldn't change him.
So I can say I understand when you say you don't want to quit and that you'd rather spend your life slowly killing yourself and emotionally killing the people who love you. You're like my brother. I miss him.
Respectfully
Audra
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I had no choice but to quit. I had lost my job, my car, been evicted, gone bankrupt, and finally kicked to the curb by my girlfriend. I showed up on my parents' doorstep at age 34 with 2 suitcases and $8 in the bank.
5 years before that, I was working as an equity trader at a major brokerage firm, had a nice car, condo, beautiful girlfriend, and all the opportunity in the world. The sky was the limit for me.
When people say alcoholism is progressive, I am a text-book case of that. Alcohol slowly consumed me and took over my life. A slow and steady descent that I was largely aware of, but just didn't care. As long as I had booze, everything was OK and I could fix things 'soon'.
My case may be extreme but I don't think you want to find out if you could end up like I did.
5 years before that, I was working as an equity trader at a major brokerage firm, had a nice car, condo, beautiful girlfriend, and all the opportunity in the world. The sky was the limit for me.
When people say alcoholism is progressive, I am a text-book case of that. Alcohol slowly consumed me and took over my life. A slow and steady descent that I was largely aware of, but just didn't care. As long as I had booze, everything was OK and I could fix things 'soon'.
My case may be extreme but I don't think you want to find out if you could end up like I did.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Originally Posted by audra
My brother was exactly the same as you. He found more value in drinking than in not. He didn't mind that he was living completely alone with no friends and that his family members had tried everything to try to get him to quit. He would say, "I like it. I'll never quit." Whereas I, his little sister, would say, "I hate it. I want to quit."
My brother said he could quit a couple of days a month so he could do his banking etc and that he was happy with his life. Who am I to judge?
He died last year from his alcoholism at the age of 60. I got $1000 worth of bottles out of his garage. He died doing what he loved. I felt very very sad - but that was his choice. I would have chosen a different way for him but I couldn't change him.
So I can say I understand when you say you don't want to quit and that you'd rather spend your life slowly killing yourself and emotionally killing the people who love you. You're like my brother. I miss him.
Respectfully
Audra
My brother said he could quit a couple of days a month so he could do his banking etc and that he was happy with his life. Who am I to judge?
He died last year from his alcoholism at the age of 60. I got $1000 worth of bottles out of his garage. He died doing what he loved. I felt very very sad - but that was his choice. I would have chosen a different way for him but I couldn't change him.
So I can say I understand when you say you don't want to quit and that you'd rather spend your life slowly killing yourself and emotionally killing the people who love you. You're like my brother. I miss him.
Respectfully
Audra
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Eastern Canada
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by Croissant
I'm not sure if this will help, so take or leave.
Firstly, the main crux of addiction is to trick your brain into thinking it needs your "insert drug of choice" to survive/lead a happy life.
It's that simple.
You say you have no relationship or anything to lose - maybe it's time to consider you don't have those things BECAUSE of drinking?
Addiction plays tricks on us in order for the madness to continue.
Firstly, the main crux of addiction is to trick your brain into thinking it needs your "insert drug of choice" to survive/lead a happy life.
It's that simple.
You say you have no relationship or anything to lose - maybe it's time to consider you don't have those things BECAUSE of drinking?
Addiction plays tricks on us in order for the madness to continue.
This is alcohol doing what it does best, making itself seem too valuable to lose as a friend and crutch.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
When I was in my 20 ' s and 30's I never thought in terms of the long run. I was a party girl who lived for today and never thought about the future. I never worried about it or made any plans. I thought there would always be someone here to take care of me. They say that you stop maturing and emotional growth when you start drinking. I had the emotional maturity of a 14 year old for most of my life. I just wanted to drink and have fun. One thing I've learned is that thinking in terms of the long run is part of growing up and for some, like me, I never did while I was drinking. One of the many benefits of sobriety is that you start opening your eyes to these things. When I first got sober, I went back to school, got qualified for a great career, and started to learn how to take care of myself. I did well for a few years, got cocky, and started drinking again. I realize now that my emotional growth came to a screeching halt. But i didn't realize this until I stopped again. I just wish someone could have explained that to me 20 years ago...and I wish I had heard this message. Drinking stops emotional and personal growth (and career, financial, etc). We only have one life, why waste precious time?
And I agree with croissant. ..you would probably have much more (to lose) if you didn't drink. It was certainly true for me. I'm happy with my life, but I'd probably have money in the bank, closer relationships, and more if I hadn't drank for so many years. ...i guess my message is: don't waste time.
And I agree with croissant. ..you would probably have much more (to lose) if you didn't drink. It was certainly true for me. I'm happy with my life, but I'd probably have money in the bank, closer relationships, and more if I hadn't drank for so many years. ...i guess my message is: don't waste time.
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