Raider

I've been messing around, I know I shouldn't. I have had a drink from time to time. Never more than two but still.....I almost posted but I knew what the response would be. Soooooo I haven't really had any craving, just the thought I'll just have one....fully knowing what the end result would be. Until last night....I had a crave to end all craves. Knowing what will happen if I give in, I did NOT have one. I am one step away from what I was and I don't want to be that person ever again.


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firstymer

Whatever you decide to do, Raider, I am glad that you came here to talk about it.

ghostdad

No judgments here. Your just going to have to work at it a little harder. You know where moderation leads to and it doesn't end well.

Ahhhhhhhhh the Fuzz just makes my hard day melt away. Thanks for the Fuzz pic.

PurpleKnight

Isolation helps no one in my experience!!

Posting and checking in is a better way forward, SR has your back Pam!!

EndGameNYC

I dunno. Did you expect that I/we would beat you senseless?

No one ever said this was going to be easy. No matter the concrete circumstances of our lives, we don't need to be Sherlock Holmes to know why we pick up the drink again.

A trend has emerged in your drinking and in your sobriety. You commit to sobriety, then you straddle the line, but you don't celebrate your "drinking events," and you continue to come back and seek help.

If SR isn't for you, then who is it for?

doggonecarl

I know, I KNOW!

Sometimes knowing isn't enough. What are you doing for your recovery?

ghostdad

One thing I learned the hard way is you can't keep doing the same thing and expect a different outcome.

bookmaven

Glad you're back! I have my days where I question everything. I minimize the bad memories and forget just how bad things really were. Keep coming back. Some people never come back from a relapse and I've been to too many funerals lately.

One drink today might turn into a binge with serious consequences. I'm not playing that game anymore. I want to live and be free.

I'm going to visit my loved one in prison today. Another thing I think about when the alcohol tries to trick me into drinking again.

Fandy

Having a drink and taking posed pictures with your hairless cat in sherpa? hmmm, no.

what are you doing with yourself? house hunting? commuting? obsessing? are you bored?

Chilledice

I am a little exhausted today so please forgive me if I have got this wrong, you craved big time last night but did not give in and have a drink? Well if so that's a positive thing right

Soberwolf

This

Raider

End-I'm smart enough to know better. Nothing to celebrate in my drinking event. Having just one is murder. Yea, I pretty much expected and probably deserve a SR beating...
Fandy - I didn't take the pic when drinking. I try to take a few so I have some fresh material for you. No I'm not any of that. We stopped looking for a house. Even though the mortgage company doesn't care if I have enough chocolate on hand. They would lend so we can buy yet another house. I just don't want to stress anymore about selling the utah house. Staying here gives me some peace of mind as we were already paying for this place, might as well flop in it. The Utah house will sell when it's time. I'm not bored. I love it here. I thought I would hate it because it's so small. But there is something liberating about having 4 spoons, 4 forks and 4 plates. 400 sq ft vacuums in about 90 seconds. No washer and dryer so there is non of that. It's really relaxing. I have absolutely no reason to drink, non at all. Non. I'm just a bonehead.

Raider

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Yesterday. I cannot complain. Seals live in the back yard.

lunar

And, you don't ever have to be her,
ever again.
You can do this.

hopeful4

Raider, you are very self aware. I am glad to hear you are at peace living there as I know you worried about the small space.

Glad you are here!

ScottFromWI

Cmon now, that's not true an you know it. You are an intelligent person who also happens to be an alcholic, there are plenty of us. You simply need to put your foot down and take the necessary action to make sobriety something you DO, rather than something you think about. Maybe that means biting the bullet and going to AA every day. Maybe it means forcing yourself to spend a certain amount of time here posting every day. Maybe it means counseling. Mabye it means all of those things, or something else I didn't list. But the truth is that whatever you are doing now isn't working - so you have to change.

Raider

What I do now is give in quite easily except for last night. And that's only because I scared myself with my craving.

Straightshoot

So good to see you posting. I was wondering how you are. Thanks for the pictures.

Anna

Raider, be kind to yourself. That would be a really good start.

I think you know you need to make a change to your recovery program so that you do fight harder to not drink. Try something different.

Love to The Fuzz!

readerbaby71

Girl, no judgment here. Just stop and move on! xoxo