Man does it feel cool to help another Alcoholic.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 809
Man does it feel cool to help another Alcoholic.
I’m 45 days sober day! I’m working through the steps with a sponsor, currently writing my step 4. I don’t have enough sobriety time or experience to sponsor another individuals, but there are many other ways I can give back. Here’s an example.
I play on a sports team. About 6 months ago, I “connected” with one of the other girls on my team. My alcoholic radar went off – and I could see she liked to drink as I did. We were always the drunkest people on the bus after games. I knew nothing about her personal life, only that she guzzled booze like a pro and wanted to go and go and never stop once she started. I really only made friends with people like this. I felt judged by others, and I didn’t like controlling my drinking trying to keep up appearances.
Anyways, we never hung out, outside of our drunken bus rides, but we would always text back and forth about how “we need to go get wasted soon” or “lets have a wine night” etc. etc.
So one day she texts me and says “Ugh I’m sooo broke, I spent all my daycare money on booze and I can’t even afford to get more alcohol. Want to get drunk?” (ie. she knew I had money and wanted to foot the bill.)
This annoyed me, so I snarkily responded “I’m actually going to an AA meeting”. Moreso to get a reaction out of her, for fun, and also to full out decline her request, and maybe make her feel uncomfortable.
The strangest thing happened. She told me she has been talking about going for a year, but hasn’t been able to muster up the courage to get to a meeting. She started to ask questions, and asked me if she could come with me one day.
I picked her up and brought her to her first meeting. Not because I expected some sort of thanks or gratification from her, but because I’ve learned in AA that we carry the message when we are given an opportunity. We give back to keep what we have.
I’ve been taking this girl to two meetings a week. I’ve heard her pour her heart out. Suprisingly to me, underneath that fun “party girl” exterior that she put out, there is a lot of pain, a lot of hurt. Just. Like. Me. She’s been reading the Big Book and even asked a lady to be her sponsor.
On Sunday I took her to a meeting and she was asked to share. She cried, and shared about how grateful she was of me for getting her to the rooms and introducing her to the program. It felt like my heart was going to explode in my chest.
But the truth is – I can't take credit for that. At least, that’s what I believe. I’d been getting up every morning asking my Higher Power to help ME stay sober. Something greater than me put this girl in my path, at this time in my life. Something greater than me urged me to send that message “I’m going to a meeting” instead of just ignoring her as I usually would. Something greater than her gave her the courage to reach out in that particular moment and ask for help.
She's been helping me stay sober just as much, if not more, as I’ve been helping her. I've found a real friend in her, not just a fake drinking buddy. I've learned more about her than I ever knew before. We help eachother through tough times, and attend meetings together every week.
So yeah - Wow, does it ever feel cool to help another alcoholic. Real joy – not just the temporary, false, lift in emotions, that I always thought only came from a bottle.
Have a great sober Wednesday everyone.
I play on a sports team. About 6 months ago, I “connected” with one of the other girls on my team. My alcoholic radar went off – and I could see she liked to drink as I did. We were always the drunkest people on the bus after games. I knew nothing about her personal life, only that she guzzled booze like a pro and wanted to go and go and never stop once she started. I really only made friends with people like this. I felt judged by others, and I didn’t like controlling my drinking trying to keep up appearances.
Anyways, we never hung out, outside of our drunken bus rides, but we would always text back and forth about how “we need to go get wasted soon” or “lets have a wine night” etc. etc.
So one day she texts me and says “Ugh I’m sooo broke, I spent all my daycare money on booze and I can’t even afford to get more alcohol. Want to get drunk?” (ie. she knew I had money and wanted to foot the bill.)
This annoyed me, so I snarkily responded “I’m actually going to an AA meeting”. Moreso to get a reaction out of her, for fun, and also to full out decline her request, and maybe make her feel uncomfortable.
The strangest thing happened. She told me she has been talking about going for a year, but hasn’t been able to muster up the courage to get to a meeting. She started to ask questions, and asked me if she could come with me one day.
I picked her up and brought her to her first meeting. Not because I expected some sort of thanks or gratification from her, but because I’ve learned in AA that we carry the message when we are given an opportunity. We give back to keep what we have.
I’ve been taking this girl to two meetings a week. I’ve heard her pour her heart out. Suprisingly to me, underneath that fun “party girl” exterior that she put out, there is a lot of pain, a lot of hurt. Just. Like. Me. She’s been reading the Big Book and even asked a lady to be her sponsor.
On Sunday I took her to a meeting and she was asked to share. She cried, and shared about how grateful she was of me for getting her to the rooms and introducing her to the program. It felt like my heart was going to explode in my chest.
But the truth is – I can't take credit for that. At least, that’s what I believe. I’d been getting up every morning asking my Higher Power to help ME stay sober. Something greater than me put this girl in my path, at this time in my life. Something greater than me urged me to send that message “I’m going to a meeting” instead of just ignoring her as I usually would. Something greater than her gave her the courage to reach out in that particular moment and ask for help.
She's been helping me stay sober just as much, if not more, as I’ve been helping her. I've found a real friend in her, not just a fake drinking buddy. I've learned more about her than I ever knew before. We help eachother through tough times, and attend meetings together every week.
So yeah - Wow, does it ever feel cool to help another alcoholic. Real joy – not just the temporary, false, lift in emotions, that I always thought only came from a bottle.
Have a great sober Wednesday everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
good stuff!! I think being of service, helping another alcoholic, being a positive example that helps others see the possibilities for themselves is a crucial component of strong sobriety.
sounds like you also have a good sense of balance and humility about it. I have heard it said and witnessed it happen that we must be careful with the tendency to lose our own sobriety focus in the heroism of 'helping others'.
nice post.
sounds like you also have a good sense of balance and humility about it. I have heard it said and witnessed it happen that we must be careful with the tendency to lose our own sobriety focus in the heroism of 'helping others'.
nice post.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
It's interesting that often when we set out to do something to help another person, we get so much in return that we never expected.
When I was brand new to recovery, I started to volunteer at a Women's shelter in my city, believing that I had something to offer them. I was blown away by how much those women gave to me, over and over again. It was truly a life-changing experience.
When I was brand new to recovery, I started to volunteer at a Women's shelter in my city, believing that I had something to offer them. I was blown away by how much those women gave to me, over and over again. It was truly a life-changing experience.
good stuff darlin'!!!
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
That's fantastic!!
In my experience when I drank, I didn't really look outwards, it was always inwards and that was not a healthy place to be, but in Sobriety helping others can be very beneficial from both sides!!
In my experience when I drank, I didn't really look outwards, it was always inwards and that was not a healthy place to be, but in Sobriety helping others can be very beneficial from both sides!!
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
I've never been to AA but in an article about Bill W I remember him saying that he at first only intended to save himself but helping others is what saved him. That strikes me as pretty close to the mark. It's one reason I stick around at SR even though I haven't had any urge to drink in over a year.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
Originally Posted by Mrrryah1 
But the truth is – I can't take credit for that. At least, that’s what I believe. I’d been getting up every morning asking my Higher Power to help ME stay sober. Something greater than me put this girl in my path, at this time in my life. Something greater than me urged me to send that message “I’m going to a meeting” instead of just ignoring her as I usually would. Something greater than her gave her the courage to reach out in that particular moment and ask for help.
The beginning of a spiritual awakening.
Bill thought "Working with Others" was so important, he gave the 12th step it's own entire chapter.
The only step that does get its own chapter.
Great work Mrrryah1
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