DramaStudent

So,

I gave up booze... and then my birthday in March kicked me off again.

And again I am causing a nuisance
And again I am cutting myself (dont worry- its superficial self harming many depressives do)
And again I am upsetting people
And again and again and again.... and gah...

I use booze to medicate myself. I am a sever depressive and its the only thing that changes me. And I know its wrong.

I know it.

I just need to keep my mind active. To do something else. And when I dont have that... BOOM... booze.

I dont care if I'm an alcoholic or not. All I care about right now is that booze is causing me harm. It is damaging me, my relationships and my life. I dont even know why I'm writing here... I guess on some level I klnow by writing here I am addressing my issues. In some way.

I need to start stopping again. Hopefully my ext message will be more coherent and more sober and more... well... we;ll see...

Meraviglioso

Hi and welcome DramaStudent. You are in the right place. I think many here can relate to your depression and using booze to medicate. But as you have come to find, the alcohol does the exact opposite of helping, it only makes it worse. The answer is to stop and stop for good.
Have you thought about how you might making lasting changes to cut the alcohol out of your life? It is not easy, it requires a solid plan of action, but it is completely achievable.

Soberwolf

Hi Drama student see if this helps

50 Essential Tips To Help You Stay Clean And Sober

Dee74

I'm not sure keeping your mind active is the solution, anymore than keeping your body fit is. We can't be occupied 24/7 or we'd drop dead before long.

What kind of support do you have Drama Student?

D

FreeOwl

hey Dramastudent....

welcome to SR. We've been through a lot with regard to alcohol and the struggles to be rid of its awful influence on our lives.

stick around, you can free yourself.

LizH

38 days into this adventure and I am much more lonely than I ever anticipated. I have been to a couple of different meetings and have not yet found my niche group. My family drinks however just a couple drink to excess. I miss them and I miss the ability to just enjoy their company. I feel like we are getting divorced for irreconcilable differences yet how do you divorce your siblings? I love them and I miss them. On the up side, my brain is healing and I feel sharper than I have in months. I also feel much better physically. Glad to hear about others being kind of grumpy/snappy at this stage and it bugs me to be unable to temper my snappy/snarky tendencies these days. Oh well...welcome to the revolution! 😱

snowbunting

Hi Dramastudent, your plight sounds familiar to me, and probably quite a lot of us here. Many of us use or have used alcohol to self-medicate for severe depression and/or anxiety. Are you on, or would you consider, any actual medication for your depression? I started taking fluoxetine this summer, and I can say that it has really helped, and has made me feel stronger and more able to take on the challenge of quitting, looking after myself more, and getting my life back.

You sound very self-aware and honest, and this will help you. I'm glad you're here.

sprout50

Welcome Dramastudent. Self medicating is not new around here. Are you seeing a DR or counselor? Your cutting may be superficial but I am sure the reasons you are cutting are not. Coming here was a good first step. You are among friends here.

LizH, In early sobriety, we are just finding out who we are sober and how to live that way. It takes time and the moodswings are normal. Be kind to yourself. You will find where you fit.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

For me I needed support and a plan to make Sobriety happen, I needed to get into the perspective that I was now a "non drinker" no matter the occasion, birthdays, weddings, Xmas, New Years, whether it was a Mondays or a weekend.

Myself and alcohol needed to part ways and I needed to do everything I needed to do to make that happen!!

Great to have you onboard!!