Bamawife

My AH is able to receive mail and packages while in treatment. For those who have been in shoes similar to mine, did you send mail and/or care packages to your SO/BF/AH? I want to be supportive but not sure if sending cards/packages is right for me to do yet. I am open to any and all advice.

Thumper

I did not.

It really didn't even occur to me. We did speak a few times. I would have gone to a family session but they either did not have it there or I was not asked.

He doesn't need care packages. All his physical needs, detox, and medication needs are being attended to. There are 24 hour trained professional staff for his emotional needs. The entire stay is about caring for him. He's OK.

You can be supportive by doing as much as you can for yourself while he is gone. I wish I could have crammed a little more of my own recovery in while he was gone.

hopeful4

I sent one, but in reality I wish I had not. My X ended up calling me all the time from rehab (his allowed this), which I think was not good for his recovery, and certainly was not good for mine. It was my chance to focus on myself and have some peace, instead I took that time to focus on him, big mistake.

Bamawife

Thank you both. I know that he can buy snacks there so I will not be sending any packages. I am leaning towards "no mail". He can have visitors on Saturdays but the treatment facility is 5 hours away from where we live. I am not going to spend all my weekend off "traveling"!! I was informed today that they have telephones in their rooms but not sure how that works. I am really thinking that we should not have much contact with each other at all for now. In my opinion, it will be hard for myself to work on "me" if I am busy communicating with him.

AnvilheadII

there are of course differing views on this - i come from the hardazz (suck it up!) side that says he isn't off at summer camp, he doesn't need mom's homebaked cookies.

i think addicts should make the most of EVERY SINGLE SECOND they have in rehab and not be distracted by calls and skypes and weekend passes when they only have 28 or so days to try to learn how to LIVE without drugs or alcohol, EVER AGAIN. if it's made too much to feel like VACATION, they'll probably want to come back next year..........recovery is hard work, and IMHO it should be!

i should add i'm wearing my addict hat when i say that. and that i never had the "luxury" of going TO treatment, so i speak from what i've seen and know from others.

SparkleKitty

bama, while he is off working on him, try to use this opportunity to focus only on yourself and not what he is doing or going through.

Bamawife

I had to tell myself that he was going to TREATMENT, not war. When he deployed to Iraq, I mailed something to him every single day. For a split second, I felt the impulse to do that now. I am glad I posted about it because now I know that I shouldn't.

Bamawife

That is my plan. I have ordered several books to read (Al Anon Literature, Codependent No More) while he is gone. I am trying to work out my work schedule to where I can leave 2 hours early to get to Al Anon meetings. We don't have a local group so I will have to travel 100 miles. I am also looking for a therapist.

AnvilheadII

make yourself a nice CARE PACKAGE!

Bamawife

Now there's a good idea!!!!!

SparkleKitty

Bama, consider also spending time with people you consider positive and happy, people who always make you feel a little bit better about yourself, and doing nice self-care stuff like exercise, bubble baths, pedicures, facials, new clothes, etc. Think of this time as a chance to really invest in yourself inside and out. I'm a little jealous of this opportunity you have, I must admit!

Bamawife

I am going out of town with my mom on Saturday. We are going to spend the weekend with my brother and his family and go to the Shrimp Festival. Then next week a friend and I are planning a girls night out. My AH and I both get pedicures on a regular basis so that is nothing new. I have not had the chance to exercise lately, though, so that is something I now have time to focus on!! I am actually excited to be able to focus on ME.

CodeJob

Well, I did send a package. My RAH was out of state. I sent him a clipboard that our DS had made. I sent him writing paper and stamps. DS enclosed a card.

I really can't remember other than I knew you could not send food.

dandylion

Bamawife....I commend you for so rapidly setting a program for yourself--alanon;therapist; Co-Dependent No More; enjoyable activities.....
This is all good stuff for you.

dandylion

Cyranoak

Nope. I didn't because I wanted her rehab experience to be completely hers with me involved in no way at all. And, in my case, because I felt that for me it would be codependent and manipulative to do so. This may not apply to you.

I did visit on family days.

Bamawife

I am leaning towards sending him supportive cards since that seemed to be something that was important in his decision to continue the treatment. Once he found out our family was behind him and supporting him he seemed at peace with it. I have not made a concrete decision yet so we will see.

Bamawife

Codependent No More was delivered today and I am on chapter 6.

KidsR#1

I didn't send care packages, but when we visited on the weekends I would slip in cards the kids made and pictures of them with the other stuff he would request. Staff could drive to town and pick things up for them but it was very expensive and we were on a tight budget. His rehab was close by and encouraged family visits after the initial detox (so the 2nd weekend he was there.) We went every weekend because the kids loved going (it was a farm house setting in the country) and it helped them understand where daddy was.

LvWrAM123

I sent supportive cards-5-6 over the 4 weeks. Sent 1 or 2 from each of the kids, too. No packages. We did go to family day. Would have gone for a second visitation, but I had an accident and surgery and couldn't travel. He was about 4 hours away.

Bamawife

I keep bouncing back and forth regarding cards. I "might" send a couple. I might not. I will decide later. Visiting will not be possible due to the distance....he will be 5 hours away in another state. Even if he was closer I don't know that I would visit.