tnwife

I am currently missing my husband. I wonder if he misses me?its not a sad feeling just lonely. I been being more involved in Al anon and working on me but at the end of the day like before I go to bed I always think of him. Is this normal? My thoughts are not negative just thoughts of him. I never wanted to separate from him but I know if he hadn't left I probably would have continued to be a like I was. I try to busy myself but I always think of him. I'm rambling.

NJKitty

I am in the same boat and sending warm wishes and hugs your way.

jadealexander

He probably misses you but if he is still actively using than he doesn't miss u enough. But I think this all the time too.

tnwife

As far as I know he is still sober.

auroraxborealis

Normal for me.

Pia

I learned that yes he misses me. BUT it isn't the miss a normal person knows.

I use to throw that in his face all the time. I couldn't understand how he could do what he does but now I learned yes he does but it isn't the same as we know it.

tnwife

Radiant, can u explain that a little more?

heartbrokenK

I am seperated from my husband and also feel the same way. If my husband is actively using I've learned he can not love himself how can he possibly love me? My husband as far as I know is also currently sober. I've been trying really hard to let go and let god. Easier said than done but I'm trying none the less. I personally hit a bottom and just could not stand living with active using a second longer.

bellanoviella

I miss my ex all the time. I think it's natural to.. when you build a life with someone and then they are no longer in it, it's a big change

Pia

I can't say he doesn't loves me. It just isn't the love that I had imagined in my head.
We had good times and bad times but it is a toxic unhealthy relationship where there was only one person committed to the marriage. Drugs and Alcohol abuse ruins the brain and body.
The part of his brain and conscious is too damaged and he can't even understand what he has done.
He acts like a teenager. He can not commit or love me the way I need it. I lost myself in this marriage but with alot of work I am finding myself again.

Next week will be 1 year I learned the truth about him. What I failed to understand early on is how I learned the truth of what I had become. Worry and wasting time on him and what he is doing is just that wasted time.

Hawks

You will be his every waking thought. Until he gets so drunk all he can think of is more booze.

He doesn't understand his alcoholism any more than you do.

Deep down he is more hurt by it than you are.

That's why he keeps drinking. Massive internal pain.

story74

I ask this too much. I always wonder "did he love me?" "Does he still love me?" "Why did he give up on his family for a gross woman?" " Does he really love her?"

I cannot answer any of these questions because we don't communicate honestly, if at all. I do know that I miss him. He left my life so abrubtly. He was my best friend. Although, I look back and realize that as much as this hurts, maybe this is for the best. First, he made a choice to not stop smoking weed. He made the choice to try cocaine. He made the choice to hang out with slime. He made the choice to abandon his family. These choices have made him loose his job. I look back and realize that I need an ADULT partner in my life. Someone who makes good choices, puts family first and shows his wife respect. So yes, I miss him. He was a part of my life for @ 15 years. We had a son together. Yes, I miss him. But I have realized that my longing for him to come back into my life is not realistic. He can't give me what I want. I want a healthy, responsible grown up. He is currently and maybe forever incapable. So yes, it has been almost 4 years of utter disrespect and I still miss him, but I know he isn't right. I feel I also just miss having a family unit. I also believe that if a person ( no matter what capacity they were in your life)leaves your life, you will miss them. It is normal. But, ask yourself, what do you REALLY miss?

Lara

Hawks, how beautifully stated. Thank you

Karrets

Can I ask those who miss there partners do you ever contact them. I'm desperate to just tell him I love him even tho I kicked him out. I don't want him back while he is doing nothing about recovery. However I just want him to know I love him.

Mountainmanbob

Divorce in most all cases brings with it a long lasting pain and even more so when children are involved.

Although we must admit - living with the wrong one is a living hell.
Not to be wished on anyone.

Bob

Overit23

tnwife I am so sorry for what you are going through. I think it is just part of the grieving process. Give yourself time to heal and try and start taking care of yourself and stop worrying about him. After 27 years of marriage my AH relapsed, came home drunk started verbally abusing me yet again. Only this time I did not engage grabbed my car keys and fled. while he was at work the next morning I packed his bags and put them on the porch.
He has lost his entire family, but he is now sober. We do go together for counseling and I go to Al anon which helps me continue going to the meetings~ The one thing I learned is it can take 6 months once they stop drinking to stop the cravings (some may always crave a drink) and another 2 years for rational thinking to come back. Bottom line they have to love themselves before they can truly love anyone else~and alcoholism is a horrific family disease it makes everyone in the family sick.