Is this a nightmare?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 196
Is this a nightmare?
I have been stone cold sober for 16 months. My husband of three years (together five) walked out on me about a month ago at 1.30 a.m. because I discovered he was texting about 12 different women. He just walked off in the middle of the night. Of course we have spoke since then a made a half hearts attempt at reconciliation until I discovered he will still doing it. He has confessed to a sexting addition. He seems consumed by it. I don’t know if its true or if its an excuse. He has moved in with his parents and is being so cold to me. I did not see this coming. I thought we were lifers. I am fighting urges to drink and smoke every day. I cannot stop crying. I cannot stop obsessing. My poor daughter takes pity on me. I have some wonderful girlfriends. But they all have families. I need to get it together for my the sake of my daughter, but can only stop crying for a few hours at a time. This just doesn’t seem real.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
wow.... that is really awful. I'm so sorry!
BUT DON'T DRINK OR DRUG OVER IT!!!!!
It is no doubt consuming for you right now.
But I promise, drinking or drugging away the pain won't work.
Cry - by all means, cry.
Lean on your girlfriends.
Let you daughter know you're in pain, while at the same time trying to remain hopeful and strong.
Consider getting yourself the counsel of a good therapist or support group.
This is a time to care for yourself entirely. If your husband does have a sexual addiction, maybe he needs to get help for that. A good friend of mine had a sex addiction for many years that screwed up countless relationships. he finally owned up to it, got help, has been "sex addiction sober" for 500+ days and is getting married to a woman he really loves and is committed to.... so it can be turned around. But, I think right now you need to focus everything you have on your own wellness and sobriety.
Prayers of comfort and strength to you.
BUT DON'T DRINK OR DRUG OVER IT!!!!!
It is no doubt consuming for you right now.
But I promise, drinking or drugging away the pain won't work.
Cry - by all means, cry.
Lean on your girlfriends.
Let you daughter know you're in pain, while at the same time trying to remain hopeful and strong.
Consider getting yourself the counsel of a good therapist or support group.
This is a time to care for yourself entirely. If your husband does have a sexual addiction, maybe he needs to get help for that. A good friend of mine had a sex addiction for many years that screwed up countless relationships. he finally owned up to it, got help, has been "sex addiction sober" for 500+ days and is getting married to a woman he really loves and is committed to.... so it can be turned around. But, I think right now you need to focus everything you have on your own wellness and sobriety.
Prayers of comfort and strength to you.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
That's awful what a scumbag sorry but he is a complete ****
im so sorry you will always have friends here we never let each other down
really sorry
good riddance i say
ring up your trusted girlfriends or talk to the sr gals there a friendly supportive bunch
big hugs
im so sorry you will always have friends here we never let each other down
really sorry
good riddance i say
ring up your trusted girlfriends or talk to the sr gals there a friendly supportive bunch
big hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 196
Thank you Freeowl. I am holding on. I have come so far and am resolved to not take that drink. Thanks for the story about your friend. I am well versed in addiction but having a hard time grasping a sexting addiction. Your right. I need to focus on me. I am seeing a counsel....Not sure we are a perfect fit, but I don't know if I have the energy to start with someone new. Thank you for the speedy response and comfort.
Soberwolf: Thank you. I have been holding back on making this post. I don't know why. I was hoping it would get better. One minute I say good riddance, and the next I am desperately calling him. It such a roller coaster. I did re-post in the Women's group. I don't know how to delete the duplicate thread thought. Thanks for the hugs.
Soberwolf: Thank you. I have been holding back on making this post. I don't know why. I was hoping it would get better. One minute I say good riddance, and the next I am desperately calling him. It such a roller coaster. I did re-post in the Women's group. I don't know how to delete the duplicate thread thought. Thanks for the hugs.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
What will alcohol achieve? nothing in my experience, only make things worse and tomorrow the same situation will exist.
Be the Sober mom that you want to be for your daughter, SR is in your corner to lean on if you need us!!
Be the Sober mom that you want to be for your daughter, SR is in your corner to lean on if you need us!!
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
16 months is amazing. You have come SO FAR. Your husband sounds like a real piece of work...I'm so sorry you're going through this. Do you have any sobriety support in real life? Seriously, I hope the best for you. Please keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
I'm sorry Kitty, but I'm glad you're not drinking. You're not to blame here, and while the heart takes time to heal, it will heal. Have you started to envision a life without him as your partner? Or are you still hoping the two of your can get back together?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
I'm so sorry and what an awful thing to discover. And, of course, it hurts more because he won't stop.
I hope you get to a point where you are ready to move on with your life in a positive (and sober) direction. You deserve so much better.
I hope you get to a point where you are ready to move on with your life in a positive (and sober) direction. You deserve so much better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 196
Anna: I pray that I get to that point too. One minute I am there, the next down in the dumps.
Feenix: Sadly, I am still hoping. I don't want to be single again. I know if we do get back together I would be setting up myself up for a repeat.
Thanks JoSharon and Ellay: All this support is just what I needed. I am going to counsel and have some awesome girlfriends. But nothing will fill this hole.
Feenix: Sadly, I am still hoping. I don't want to be single again. I know if we do get back together I would be setting up myself up for a repeat.
Thanks JoSharon and Ellay: All this support is just what I needed. I am going to counsel and have some awesome girlfriends. But nothing will fill this hole.
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
Aw Kitty, let it out. Cry, yell, throw things (in a controlled setting alone) punch a punching bag. Get it out rather than keeping it in. It is going to hurt, maybe for a while but take care of yourself and eventually the pain will subside and you will see it differently.
Keep posting here if your girl friends aren't free. There is always someone online here from what I've seen.
Keep posting here if your girl friends aren't free. There is always someone online here from what I've seen.
time to shine again
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 40
Oh, man. . . I am so sorry, Kitty. Reading your story nearly made me ill with feeling your hurt. But, as hard as it must be - I'm with everyone else who says, don't let the man ruin your sobriety. You are worth so much more; and even though it's important to be strong for our children, I believe that it's also important for them to see their parents are human and to allow them to comfort us. You're in a horrible place right now, but just hold on tight - one day at a time, right? Hang on to that girl of yours for dear life. Big hugs to you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 831
I was blindsided by my x after 6 years married. I found support at another forum called Surviving Infidelity. Maybe it will help you to read some of the articles in "The Healing Library" especially about No Contact and The 180. You are not alone. Concentrate on self care. I'm sorry you are going through this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 196
Thank you so much for the replies and suggestions. I will definitely check out the infidelity website. Its better than stalking him on line. He actually sent me an e-mail to my fake profile. I didn't have the strength to open it. I really need to just delete that. Its a new dagger to the heart every time I see him on online. Thank you all again.
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