ArtFriend

I finally told a good friend of mine that I am no longer going to drink. She could not wrap her head around it. Why not she asked. I said all the reasons why and she countered each one. Then I blurted out "because I am a f****g alcoholic!"

Silence

Then, the push back....no you aren't. I know how much you drink... really?

Why can't people accept something when you tell them? I actually had to defend my statements to her.

biminiblue

Then she has to look at how much she drinks?

It's not something people usually discuss. It's kinda like death - they don't know what to say so they say the wrong thing.

fridgey

I can up her price for friendship with sober slap and water drowning.

Nowsthetime

I dealt with the exact same thing. Remember you are doing this for you and nobody else. Keep strong! We can do this!

ArtFriend

We are dinner/drink friends. Now it will have to be just dinner (at least for me). I think that is the issue. She will have to drink alone when we go out.

FreeOwl

any friend whose reaction to you saying you're quitting drinking because you've struggled with alcohol and / or have come to understand you are an alcoholic is anything other than supportive is either;

a) Not your friend
b) An alcoholic
c) Both

fridgey

sorry if that was obtuse, you matter most and drink water to stay sober, you are worth it.

ArtFriend

Yes...thank you for deciphering your previous post. LOL! Thank you

ArtFriend

I think denial is a big factor here. It's like I told her I had cancer or something. Perhaps she needs time to digest the news.

Soberwolf

Artfriend id pull out a water pistol and squirt the friend and every time they said it squirt them again and again

LOL im only playing oh it'd be fun tho LOL

trachemys

You may be looking at a friend who thought you were superhuman and can't stand to see you come down to our plane.

ArtFriend

That's funny because I use a squirt gun on my cats when they get into things. Good training tool. I will have to bring it with me next time I meet my friend for dinner.

:uzi2:

ArtFriend

That's a great point! Never thought of that, thanx

MavisTheFairy13

If she just wants a drinking buddy then she's not a true friend. Suggest doing some different things that don't involve drinking like cinema or shopping

MavisTheFairy13

Maybe she thinks she drinks a similar amount to you, therefore if you are saying it's a problem it's making her feel uncomfortable and she's not defending your drinking as such by having a reply to everything, but defending her own? I think she just doesn't want to lose a drink buddy though - people think it won't be the same if you aren't drinking with them.

Altoids

It was really strange to me how short my list of friends got. It hurt like crazy, but it was a necessity. It wasn't me giving up on them, either. It was them giving up on me. I felt like I wasn't worth much at the time and getting dumped by friends only magnified that.

However, as time has gone on I realized that it is true. . . my drinking issue caused them to look at their own.

Yes, my circle of friends now is much much shorter, but it is a strong group. The folks that stay with you at your darkest times are the true friendships. And I've learned how much I enjoy just being with ME. I'm a really nice person and I like me.

I wish you luck with your friend, Artfriend. It is a difficult thing for some to accept. Congrats on your sober life, too. It is, truly, the only way to live.

Dee74

I had a similar reaction with some of my friends.

I don't think it's undermining so much as it's just they liked the status quo and, yeah, a good deal of denial.

Most of those friends went their own ways - from what I hear life continues on for them as it was but hey - we each have to live our lives the way we see fit.

I know what the deal is in my life and I made a great choice to get and stay sober

D

Stayingsober72

Yep. I've got a couple of people in my life who fit these criteria to a tee. I'm finding that my friends who are having a problem with my sobriety are having a hard time looking at their own drinking problems. Stay strong Artfriend. Your sobriety is your own path, and I think it's normal to encounter resistance. People are going to miss their drinking buddies, but I'd they are true friends they will remain your friend no matter what.

zerothehero

People who drink seem to mourn for those who quit. We die a little in their eyes. They die a little in ours. It's a loss on both ends, but the gains are so very worth it.

Nuudawn

Ya know..generally, people don't like change. For her (no matter how much she drinks) this changes your relationship and perhaps this makes her a bit uncomfortable. All sorts of things comes into play...friends will even tell you "you don't need to diet..you're fine"..even when you can stand to lose 10 up to even 30 pounds.

Whatever the reason..it's certainly about how it affects "her" (e.g. she won't feel comfortable drinking alone, doesn't want her own habit under scrutiny, doesn't want an alkie friend yadda yadda yadda).

Hopefully, she will digest the information and accept it and your friendship will survive. If your relationship revolved around conversation over drinks only..it may not.

Nevertheless...good job on coming clean on the new and wonderful sober Artfriend.