Vet looking to start somewhere
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: California
Posts: 1
Vet looking to start somewhere
Hello everyone, well to start...I guess I'll just bluntly say I know now I have a problem. I Am only 26, but already see signs that my drinking could kill me very fast.
I just got out of the military not long ago. 8 years was my time and service (probably should've stayed in). Loved the experience but there was a number of factors that lead to my decision to leave. I unfortunately seem to have brought something with me from the service... over the last few months i have noticed that my relationship to alcohol has gone from being an irresponsible indulgence, to a habitual problem. I by the grace of God did not have my first drink until i was 18 years old in my first military occupational school (I had more than one for my 1st job in the military). It was a night were we all decided that the older people in the barracks would go out in town and bring back some stuff for the rest of us to drink. I was convinced to try a half of solo cup of 151..it was incredibly dangerous!! I blacked out of course and was throwing up for the whole night. This horrible experience did well to keep me away from alcohol until i was 21.
My 21st birthday dinner is where I had my first "fun" experience with alcohol. We all had a good time, people were laughing the whole night, the wallflowers were dancing...i was convinced that this was a good way to have fun. Years go by learning the bar and nightclub culture, and I started finding my self being that guy that would drink way more than everyone else. The culture of my peers at the time however was "man he's a tank!" "we should invite him because it's always crazy!" (they meant me getting ridiculously drunk making a absolute fool of myself, and finding myself in situations that I barely remember getting into).
fast forward to around today..and what used to be a habit of finishing a 5th in a weekend....has now grown to finishing a 5th every other day...
Some things are beginning to scare me alot... i never have had terrible withdrawals, but have spent a whole days in some sort of recovery fog were my thoughts are just not clear. today I'm starting to notice that my legs are retaining water a lot after drinking, veins across my chest and flanks have started to become blueish and a lot more noticeable, I'm beginning to have irregular sleep patterns and noticeable mood swings...all signs of a fatty liver. I'am a little younger than some of the people who threads I have read, but I also know that liver disease can develop at different paces for everyone.
Just before I got out, I had a surgery on a old injury (and I didn't tell them about my drinking habits/problem which also was incredibly dangerous). However, they take a Liver Function Test (LFT) and found there still showing normal levels in my liver (which i know this can happen even in a diseased liver...this was 4 months ago and the symptoms have gotten worse. I know I have a problem because even though this scares me...I STILL DRINK!!!! HOW SICK IS THAT!!
I recently had a conversation with someone where I told them "alcohol to me is like cake to someone with a compulsive eating habit. I like it alot, and don't really know how to walk away when I'm full." I know now that i have a problem and I need to do something to fix it....I'm not sure if rehab is necessarily the route for me. I say this because i can go several days with out drinking which makes me THINK I'm not physically dependant. I just told my brother about my problem which I think is a good start...I think it's funny he new but was waiting for me to come out and say something about it. I guess I'm looking for where to go for this... If you have advice please let me know. I would like to get this under control before I do anymore damage.
for the TLDR---- I have noticed some serious medical symptoms but still drink. I have admitted that i have a problem to family and I am looking for advice to where to go next.
I just got out of the military not long ago. 8 years was my time and service (probably should've stayed in). Loved the experience but there was a number of factors that lead to my decision to leave. I unfortunately seem to have brought something with me from the service... over the last few months i have noticed that my relationship to alcohol has gone from being an irresponsible indulgence, to a habitual problem. I by the grace of God did not have my first drink until i was 18 years old in my first military occupational school (I had more than one for my 1st job in the military). It was a night were we all decided that the older people in the barracks would go out in town and bring back some stuff for the rest of us to drink. I was convinced to try a half of solo cup of 151..it was incredibly dangerous!! I blacked out of course and was throwing up for the whole night. This horrible experience did well to keep me away from alcohol until i was 21.
My 21st birthday dinner is where I had my first "fun" experience with alcohol. We all had a good time, people were laughing the whole night, the wallflowers were dancing...i was convinced that this was a good way to have fun. Years go by learning the bar and nightclub culture, and I started finding my self being that guy that would drink way more than everyone else. The culture of my peers at the time however was "man he's a tank!" "we should invite him because it's always crazy!" (they meant me getting ridiculously drunk making a absolute fool of myself, and finding myself in situations that I barely remember getting into).
fast forward to around today..and what used to be a habit of finishing a 5th in a weekend....has now grown to finishing a 5th every other day...
Some things are beginning to scare me alot... i never have had terrible withdrawals, but have spent a whole days in some sort of recovery fog were my thoughts are just not clear. today I'm starting to notice that my legs are retaining water a lot after drinking, veins across my chest and flanks have started to become blueish and a lot more noticeable, I'm beginning to have irregular sleep patterns and noticeable mood swings...all signs of a fatty liver. I'am a little younger than some of the people who threads I have read, but I also know that liver disease can develop at different paces for everyone.
Just before I got out, I had a surgery on a old injury (and I didn't tell them about my drinking habits/problem which also was incredibly dangerous). However, they take a Liver Function Test (LFT) and found there still showing normal levels in my liver (which i know this can happen even in a diseased liver...this was 4 months ago and the symptoms have gotten worse. I know I have a problem because even though this scares me...I STILL DRINK!!!! HOW SICK IS THAT!!
I recently had a conversation with someone where I told them "alcohol to me is like cake to someone with a compulsive eating habit. I like it alot, and don't really know how to walk away when I'm full." I know now that i have a problem and I need to do something to fix it....I'm not sure if rehab is necessarily the route for me. I say this because i can go several days with out drinking which makes me THINK I'm not physically dependant. I just told my brother about my problem which I think is a good start...I think it's funny he new but was waiting for me to come out and say something about it. I guess I'm looking for where to go for this... If you have advice please let me know. I would like to get this under control before I do anymore damage.
for the TLDR---- I have noticed some serious medical symptoms but still drink. I have admitted that i have a problem to family and I am looking for advice to where to go next.
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
Glad your here Ballast & would suggest talking to your Doctor about quitting drinking if you haven't already. Glad that you have told your brother, it was a weight off my shoulders when I decided to share my struggle with a few people that I was close to...not that they didn't already know. There is much support & inspiration here.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
Ballast, great to have you here there is a lot of support on these forums, and thank you for your service in the military.
I'm 28, realised I had a problem at 26 so I can relate to your situation. It sounds to me like you're still unsure if you have a problem, I can tell from reading your post that you probably do, on account of the fact that even a severe health scare doesn't stop you drinking.
My advice would be to get back to the doctor and get to the bottom of your physical symptoms, also, and I know this may sound obvious, but stop drinking. Just stop. Don't think about long term right now, just for now, one day at a time, don't drink. Once the fog in your mind clears you will be able to view your situation rationally.
You sound like an intelligent and sensible man, it's fantastic you're nipping your problem in the bud before it has a chance to destroy you.
Hope you're well, let us know how you get on!
I'm 28, realised I had a problem at 26 so I can relate to your situation. It sounds to me like you're still unsure if you have a problem, I can tell from reading your post that you probably do, on account of the fact that even a severe health scare doesn't stop you drinking.
My advice would be to get back to the doctor and get to the bottom of your physical symptoms, also, and I know this may sound obvious, but stop drinking. Just stop. Don't think about long term right now, just for now, one day at a time, don't drink. Once the fog in your mind clears you will be able to view your situation rationally.
You sound like an intelligent and sensible man, it's fantastic you're nipping your problem in the bud before it has a chance to destroy you.
Hope you're well, let us know how you get on!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Southern Oregon U.S.
Posts: 1,023
Hi there- Sounds like you're off to a good start. Talking to your doctor, checking out an AA meeting or other recovery group, getting rid of booze and drink related junk, finding some sober supportive friends and family are good next steps, then give it a go. I think it's important to follow your gut on this one, friends who drink won't always have the best advice in this matter:-) Your health and happiness are number one buddy. You can do it!
-Ted
-Ted
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome to SR, Ballast! Thank you for your service. It's good to have you here with us. You are right- age doesn't really matter. I drank for 25 years but looking back I can remember the first time I got drunk like it was yesterday. It's probably accurate to say I was an alcoholic the first time I drank, I just didn't know it for another 15 years and didn't stop for another 10 years after that.
The good news is that the body has a tremendous power to heal itself once we quit poisoning it. There's never a better time to quit than right now!
The good news is that the body has a tremendous power to heal itself once we quit poisoning it. There's never a better time to quit than right now!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Northampton
Posts: 97
if you don't excuse yourself then you you can choose to be sober, there is a cost to that choice, it is yours alone. Expect healing at 9 months. You must learn your pain and how to share it without hurting others. That is what this site is about. Phil57
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 611
I have a friend who left the army at 30 and it turned him into an alcoholic....i think it must be a mix of too much male cameraderie and with him anyway some ptsd......he could never admit it though....oddly he died from the flue 2 years ago at 33.
welcome ballfast you will find help and support here.
welcome ballfast you will find help and support here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 8,076
Originally Posted by FreeOwl 
the Army definitely helped me develop and cultivate my alcoholism....
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
