really needy today
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 113
really needy today
Ok so I talked to the guy I work most closely with at work to see what the best day this week is for me to be "sick". We cover for each other all the time, i thank god this is the man I work with instead of someone who was more out for themselves. He says tomorrow is the day so tomorrow I will file the papers and in the next 30-60 days (annulment is pretty fast, just most people don't qualify for it) I will have never been Mrs G. 
It's taking all I have right now to hold back the tears since I am at work. I have been reading old post from others today. Others who seem to or outright said their A also had a suspected (in most cases) mental disorder as my A does.
I can't believe this is really happening. I seem to be going through all the stages of grief all at once or at least all in 1 day one after the other. I'm mad, I'm sad, I want him back, I never want to see him again. I can't even remember them all...ugh...
e124:
It's taking all I have right now to hold back the tears since I am at work. I have been reading old post from others today. Others who seem to or outright said their A also had a suspected (in most cases) mental disorder as my A does.
I can't believe this is really happening. I seem to be going through all the stages of grief all at once or at least all in 1 day one after the other. I'm mad, I'm sad, I want him back, I never want to see him again. I can't even remember them all...ugh...
e124:
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
File the papers. Take some time for yourself. Go no contact. I know this might sound harsh, not meant to be. I know about being hit with all different emotions from one minute to the next. Do you want that emotional roller coaster in your life. Where you want to throw anything that is breakable in your place at a tree to watch it break, (symbolizing your heart is breaking) to the oh, he loves me again scenario. Back and forth, forth and back, back and forth.
Never being able to rest or sleep, always thinking of a defense, or an explanation. Love isn't supposed to be like that. Love is supposed to be, I think, an acceptance and love for each other.
Let us know how it goes tomorrow, I am thinking about you.
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
amy
File the papers. Take some time for yourself. Go no contact. I know this might sound harsh, not meant to be. I know about being hit with all different emotions from one minute to the next. Do you want that emotional roller coaster in your life. Where you want to throw anything that is breakable in your place at a tree to watch it break, (symbolizing your heart is breaking) to the oh, he loves me again scenario. Back and forth, forth and back, back and forth.
Never being able to rest or sleep, always thinking of a defense, or an explanation. Love isn't supposed to be like that. Love is supposed to be, I think, an acceptance and love for each other.
Let us know how it goes tomorrow, I am thinking about you.
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
amy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 113
Yes amy55. My emotions are swinging all over the place. I was feeling weak for him last night so I texted him how sad this all is how it didn't have to be like this. Blah blah blah and then I got a good 10 minutes of nasty texts. That's all I needed. If I feel weak today I'll text him again. I'm calling in sick to work and taking the papers. It's already getting easier and after it's all filed and he is served and that is filed I'll go NC all the way. Forever.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Honey, you need to go NC now. I know you have to deal with the papers, but that is it. You are setting yourself up for more hurt when you keep contacting him.
I am sorry. Stay strong, you can do this.
XXX
I am sorry. Stay strong, you can do this.
XXX
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
I am going through this right now too and the no contact advice is best. I just had to exchange DD6 with separated AH this morning for the first time in a long time. He is gradually dropping the ball as a dad. It is hard to see the same man on the outside but hes not the same. Always remember alcoholism is progressive. Even if I did reach out, I will not get the result I want. And lets say he did say hes sorry and going to change, I would not believe him anymore. You have to accept reality which I believe what alcoholics and us codependents struggle with the most.
Know your worth. You deserve someone who loves and treasures you....someone who would never let things escalate to this point. Once you let go, it is extremely freeing. I promise.
Know your worth. You deserve someone who loves and treasures you....someone who would never let things escalate to this point. Once you let go, it is extremely freeing. I promise.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 113
I needed to hurt last night to give that final reminder of what I am leaving. I knew he wouldn't be nice. It worked. I called in showered and planned my metro route to the courthouse. I was going to serve him myself to save money but maybe I'll just let the sherif do it. I'm using all our food and gas money for the rest of the month to pay the 500 filing fee. At least now the credit card balance will actually go down bc he is not sucking down all my money in alcohol and cigarettes. He is a monster and I'm so happy it will all be in the past soon.
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