New Here- friend of an alcoholic
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 16
New Here- friend of an alcoholic
Hi everyone. I think this was the most appropriate place to post. I just joined this forum looking for help and support. A friend of mine (an ex actually, I'll tell the whole story in the appropriate forum) decided to stop drinking only a week after drunkenly declaring he'd never stop. He's on day nine. I'm very enthused about this.
My dilemma is that he's not from this area, just here finishing school, and his family are hundreds of miles away. His small handful of friends are all heavy drinkers. I am the only person he can really rely on for steady support, so I'm in a tricky situation, and think that the guidance of a community will help keep me from sabotaging his sobriety or my sanity.
Anyway, hello. I hope I can find some answers here.
My dilemma is that he's not from this area, just here finishing school, and his family are hundreds of miles away. His small handful of friends are all heavy drinkers. I am the only person he can really rely on for steady support, so I'm in a tricky situation, and think that the guidance of a community will help keep me from sabotaging his sobriety or my sanity.
Anyway, hello. I hope I can find some answers here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 16
Right now he doesn't want to go to AA.... he doesn't like listening to a bunch of people talk about drinking problems, just makes it harder; he doesn't want to become a 12 step robot, replacing one addiction with another; he's an introvert and is uncomfortable opening up around so many people; etc.
I tried convincing him to at least get a sponsor, but he thought it would be too awkward. He wants to just white knuckle his way through this and I think I'm going to have to let him slip up before he decides he needs help.
I tried convincing him to at least get a sponsor, but he thought it would be too awkward. He wants to just white knuckle his way through this and I think I'm going to have to let him slip up before he decides he needs help.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Glad you posted, welcome!!
Maybe you could encourage your friend to post, helps many = me included!
Many paths to sobriety, mine is SR and AA. The experience, strength and hope in those rooms and here is critical to me......
Good luck to your friend on his journey.
You might consider posting under Family and Friends as well.
peace
Maybe you could encourage your friend to post, helps many = me included!
Many paths to sobriety, mine is SR and AA. The experience, strength and hope in those rooms and here is critical to me......
Good luck to your friend on his journey.
You might consider posting under Family and Friends as well.
peace
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
While it is commendable that you want to support your friend, his recovery is his, and his alone, and not conditional upon your support.
You can be there as a friend, but the heavy lifting is on him.
While it is commendable that you want to support your friend, his recovery is his, and his alone, and not conditional upon your support.
You can be there as a friend, but the heavy lifting is on him.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,323
Originally Posted by littlegoose 
Right now he doesn't want to go to AA.... he doesn't like listening to a bunch of people talk about drinking problems, just makes it harder; he doesn't want to become a 12 step robot, replacing one addiction with another; he's an introvert and is uncomfortable opening up around so many people; etc.
I tried convincing him to at least get a sponsor, but he thought it would be too awkward. He wants to just white knuckle his way through this and I think I'm going to have to let him slip up before he decides he needs help.
I tried convincing him to at least get a sponsor, but he thought it would be too awkward. He wants to just white knuckle his way through this and I think I'm going to have to let him slip up before he decides he needs help.
The White knuckling may work for a bit...It worked initially for me...But left to my own thoughts/desires i always went back to drink again.
The results were catastrophic. Always. Including my last drink 4 days ago.
We all learn at our own pace. I've been beaten and scarred by this now.
I'm at the turning point I've heard so much about.
I wish you all the best. Drinking will destroy everything he holds dear eventually.
Good luck to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 16
I posted the the full story and my current specific need for advice in the Family and Friends section. I don't have linking privileges, but its titled "I think I screwed up-Backstory" Or something like that.
Any help is appreciated. Thank you.
Any help is appreciated. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
We're all here for your friend. The choice between being dependent on alcohol or sitting in a room full of strangers touting the benefits of being sober is a toughie. Praise Inanna we don't have to leave the house to have fellowship and get some great tips on staying sober anymore. The internet is great! I don't even have to shower.
All kidding aside, I agree with others in that your friend will have to make the move from the couch to where the help is for it to do any good. And as for you Good Friend, Welcome! Peruse and Identify.
All kidding aside, I agree with others in that your friend will have to make the move from the couch to where the help is for it to do any good. And as for you Good Friend, Welcome! Peruse and Identify.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum, you'll find loads of support here on SR!!
I hope your friend makes it, I tried to simply resist drinking with willpower, but it never got me far, because my addiction to alcohol was too strong, a plan and having support was what made the difference, that's for your friend to sort out though.
In the meantime support for you is important!!
I hope your friend makes it, I tried to simply resist drinking with willpower, but it never got me far, because my addiction to alcohol was too strong, a plan and having support was what made the difference, that's for your friend to sort out though.
In the meantime support for you is important!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 16
Ok, apparently I never actually posted the backstory. It's up now. If anyone is interested, please read- advice is welcome.
And thank you everyone for your support. This is strange territory for me. I'm usually pretty good at standing up for myself, but I wouldn't want to fail or be taken advantage of due to naivete.
And thank you everyone for your support. This is strange territory for me. I'm usually pretty good at standing up for myself, but I wouldn't want to fail or be taken advantage of due to naivete.
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