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Same Issue Yet Again-Imagine That

Old 10-06-2014, 11:17 AM
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Same Issue Yet Again-Imagine That

Hello,
I have never posted before so please forgive my ignorance to this sort of forum. I am just going to vent a little because I need to talk to someone.

I can sometimes drink in control but every so often my drinking just gets out of control. I have quite for weeks and months at a time and often drink in control but every 4th or 10th time I drink I take it too far. Blacking Out for periods of time and generally making a fool of myself. This past weekend I drank way too much and likely made a fool of myself, though I don't remember some of it.
Now I am depressed and embarrassed yet again. Same old crap!
My wife and I are going through a tough time right now and that is not helping but it is no excuse. I wish I just made a fool of myself every time, then I would have the good sense to not ever drink again.
I am tired of it, but I also grow tired of not being able to drink socially. I know I would be happier to just abstain, but my life has been built around socially drinking.

Are there others out there that have/had this same pattern?
Can you offer an bits of advice? Thanks so much
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Old 10-06-2014, 11:26 AM
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I relate to the loss of control drinking. I relate to the blackouts/uncontrolled behavior as well.

The worst part for me is the *hazy* memories of the last blackout i had...The pieces of memory. It involved being taken in an ambulance and a hospital for a few hours. I do NOT remember the majority of it.

Where you say *I can sometimes drink in control* sounds dangerous to me.

That's what i was trying to hold on to as well...I've had many sober days in the past 110 (101 on my last count.)

But during those 9 days where i *tried controlled drinking*

I was A) Sent home from work for being intoxicated (Twice!)

B) Blacked out and awoke in a hospital

It's clearly Russian roulette. You MIGHT get by with a day of drinking. It MIGHT not harm you that day. Or it could kill you...Or get you in trouble with the Law.

These are just my own experiences lately. I have a severe allergic reaction to alcohol. I'm an alcoholic. I am powerless over alcohol.

If you identify as an alcoholic. It is NOT worth the RISK to drink again!
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Old 10-06-2014, 11:28 AM
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Hi Pringles, you seem to be where I was a few years ago. I've spent most of last 10 years trying to walk the edge of the blade. Lately I've been slipping deeper and was at the point you wished for in your post. Time/alcohol has given me enough humiliation that the scales have, I think, tipped towards total abstinence for me. If I wasn't an alcoholic I wouldn't spend so much of my energy trying to convince myself I'm not. I don't know what my new social life will be either....watching the 'game' with the guys etc....but for me it can't involve alcohol ever again. Hang in there...I'm rooting for you.
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Old 10-06-2014, 11:38 AM
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Sounds all too familiar. I went through YEARS of such misery, then through YEARS of trying to keep alcohol in my life one way or another. Got progressively worse and eventually accepted there's no moderation for me. It's such a relief and freedom to have the drinking and the moderation tortures behind!

I wish you an easier road. Stay here, post a lot and read a lot, you will find a lot of support here and a lot of similarities in our stories. Best of luck!

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Old 10-06-2014, 11:42 AM
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Welcome Pringle. I have had so many embarrassing moments from being drunk that I can't keep up with them. I prefer the embarrassing things because my drinking got so bad that my actions went from embarrassing to downright dangerous and reckless. Waking up in a jail cell or being in the ER is not embarrassing. It's scary.

Reach out for help now. The 'black-out' is a bad sign of things to come that will be much worse.
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Old 10-06-2014, 11:42 AM
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Hello welcome to sr
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Old 10-06-2014, 12:08 PM
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Many thanks everyone for your kind words. Walking the blade.....that sounds about right! I just wish I was either always out of control or never out of control. That is part of the problem for me as well, in that my friends kind of laugh it off because they only see it happening once in a while or maybe once every few years. In truth I know it is happening more often, because one particular friend only sees it occasionally.

In any event, the Russian roulette is getting old and I am ready to try not to drink for a month or two and go from there. Baby steps and I am so blessed to have somewhere to turn too now with people that understand.

I work out a lot and I think that can be my excuse to tell folks when they push a drink on me. It does kill my workouts for at least a day or two afterwards if I get hammered.

I am a problem drinker....that I have no doubt about.

Thanks again everyone. Be well!
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Old 10-06-2014, 12:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Pringle View Post
I know I would be happier to just abstain, but my life has been built around socially drinking.
If you are drinking to black out, I'd say your life has been built around drinking. Period. I suspect the social aspect is no longer the point.

Quitting is most likely the only option. You could try the endless variations of moderation and controlled drinking and fail at that until you convince yourself that you really do need to quit. Or you can bypass all that misery and just quit now.

Either way, welcome and good luck.
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Old 10-06-2014, 12:33 PM
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Hi Pringle,

Welcome to SR
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Old 10-06-2014, 02:46 PM
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Welcome to the Forum!!

Every time I started to drink again after a period of Sobriety I also thought I could moderate, or at least had I illusion that I could for a while, I wasn't blackout drunk on the first night, it didn't happen straight away but within a few weeks things spiralled once again to my old ways.

This I concluded wasn't moderation, this was oiling the old gears of not being able to control my drinking, it just took a bit of time to get the engine started, in the end Sobriety was the solution to the problem.

Alcohol doesn't seem to be doing you any favours, isn't it madness to cling on to something that creates misery just for the sake of a social life, which includes making a fool of yourself? there's no sense in that surely, if alcohol is affecting your life then that's the priority to sort out, and the rest can take a back seat.

You'll find loads of support here on SR to help you do it!!
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Old 10-06-2014, 08:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Pringle View Post
Many thanks everyone for your kind words. Walking the blade.....that sounds about right! I just wish I was either always out of control or never out of control. That is part of the problem for me as well, in that my friends kind of laugh it off because they only see it happening once in a while or maybe once every few years. In truth I know it is happening more often, because one particular friend only sees it occasionally.

In any event, the Russian roulette is getting old and I am ready to try not to drink for a month or two and go from there. Baby steps and I am so blessed to have somewhere to turn too now with people that understand.

I work out a lot and I think that can be my excuse to tell folks when they push a drink on me. It does kill my workouts for at least a day or two afterwards if I get hammered.

I am a problem drinker....that I have no doubt about.

Thanks again everyone. Be well!

Lots of this rings true for me too. While I just finished a 3 months stretch with nothing bad happening, I had a horrible blackout Friday and woke up in the ER after presumably falling asleep on the subway (I checked the activity log that posts online and that makes more sense now). Anyway, I can control it most of the time, but it gets out of control and either embarassing or scary.

I suspect some of my friends think there's a problem, but it's really just a handful of times a year and then different friends see different bad episodes. The two times I've been hospitalized I've told nobody but my doctor and none of my friends saw that happen.

I'm also planning baby steps. Currently planning to stay sober until Saturday the 26th. There's an event then where booze will be served. I'm just focusing now on getting to that day completely sober and will tackle that as it comes.

For me, the hardest part about all of this is that I do have good times when drinking and when I'm in control. it's nowhere remotely close to the embarrassment/despair of the bad episodes, but it keeps my brain saying "just make sure THAT doesn't happen again, and you'll be fine." Well, I'm 29 now and in the 13 years I've been drinking "THAT" has happened way too many times. The periods of sobriety and control are, for me, growing longer over time, which is similarly playing mind games where I think it's fine to go back.

It's tough, no doubt.
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Old 10-06-2014, 09:23 PM
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I bet you don't really enjoy drinking so much when you have to hold on tight to control it .... am I right ?

I spent years at social functions watching most other people just sip away quietly ... meanwhile I'm drinking two to their one, in an effort to not get too smashed, or looking like too much of a problem drinker.

But if I could have got away with it, without my wife getting upset at me, it would have been more like a 3 or 4 to 1 ratio.

I drank to get drunk .... God it used to pain me to have to control it.

Eventually I stopped trying & just tied one on .... stuff what other people thought & stuff what my wife thought ..... I stopped caring.

Maybe this doesn't describe you at all OR maybe this doesn't describe you yet

If you start to slide towards the yet or if you do recognise a bit of yourself in what I wrote ...... take it from me ... it is easier to do something about it now & nip it in the bud.

The downward slide can get very steep with little or no warning.
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Old 10-06-2014, 09:24 PM
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I can sure relate to the unpredictable nature of drinking heavily. I never knew if I would behave or what trouble I would get myself into.

What was predictable was the daily hangover. That never changed. When we drink we gamble with our relationships, our health, and our dignity.
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Old 10-07-2014, 12:35 AM
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Originally Posted by melki View Post
Sounds all too familiar. I went through YEARS of such misery, then through YEARS of trying to keep alcohol in my life one way or another. Got progressively worse and eventually accepted there's no moderation for me. It's such a relief and freedom to have the drinking and the moderation tortures behind!

I wish you an easier road. Stay here, post a lot and read a lot, you will find a lot of support here and a lot of similarities in our stories. Best of luck!

Beautifully written I am looking forward to the relief and freedom part. I understand how you feel pringles, I'm not experienced at all with this, not even 24 hrs sober yet , but I will say what I do know
This you can get through and you will.
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