NEED HELP! Fear & anxiety! Is it rational?
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NEED HELP! Fear & anxiety! Is it rational?
Hi all,
I'm coming up on a week of sobriety. A few months ago I met a girl at a bar (I'm female and married....so just a friend) that drinks just like I do! It was great! I had a new drinking buddy! I'm pretty sure she is an alcoholic & just doesn't know it yet but that's not for me to decide.
Anyway, after meeting her several times to hang out I realized that she knows a lot of people in my kid's school and around our town and KNOWS MY BOSS but I didn't know she knew my boss was til this morning. As soon as I told her she was like "I know her!". I was like CRAP!!!! I'm suddenly having this fear that she is going to start rumors about me that may affect my job etc. I think I told her about my DUI 7 years ago when we were out one night too which I normally try to keep quiet.
I don't remember doing anything too obnoxious when I was out with her but I always drank A LOT and smoked cigarettes (I'm a closet smoker when I drink) and probably shared a lot of stuff I normally wouldn't share. (Alcohol does that to us).
Anyway....I feel like I'm on the verge if an anxiety attack. I saw her this morning and told her I was taking a "break" from drinking (permanent break). As soon as I walked away this incredible FEAR came over me!
I am NOT going to drink over this!!!!! I can't!!!! I never want to go back to that hell.
Thx. :-(
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I'm coming up on a week of sobriety. A few months ago I met a girl at a bar (I'm female and married....so just a friend) that drinks just like I do! It was great! I had a new drinking buddy! I'm pretty sure she is an alcoholic & just doesn't know it yet but that's not for me to decide.
Anyway, after meeting her several times to hang out I realized that she knows a lot of people in my kid's school and around our town and KNOWS MY BOSS but I didn't know she knew my boss was til this morning. As soon as I told her she was like "I know her!". I was like CRAP!!!! I'm suddenly having this fear that she is going to start rumors about me that may affect my job etc. I think I told her about my DUI 7 years ago when we were out one night too which I normally try to keep quiet.
I don't remember doing anything too obnoxious when I was out with her but I always drank A LOT and smoked cigarettes (I'm a closet smoker when I drink) and probably shared a lot of stuff I normally wouldn't share. (Alcohol does that to us).
Anyway....I feel like I'm on the verge if an anxiety attack. I saw her this morning and told her I was taking a "break" from drinking (permanent break). As soon as I walked away this incredible FEAR came over me!
I am NOT going to drink over this!!!!! I can't!!!! I never want to go back to that hell.
Thx. :-(
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
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Don't worry prematurely. It is highly unlikely that anyone would spill anyone else's entire life story just upon the recognition of a name. The odds are really against it.
Plus, it hasn't happened yet, and may never happen! The time for anxiety is not yet.
Plus, it hasn't happened yet, and may never happen! The time for anxiety is not yet.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
You keep having these "events."
When are you going to make the change that will end this kind of stuff? How about today?
Continuing to drink will continue to cause problems.
Why not commit to stopping, once and for all.
When are you going to make the change that will end this kind of stuff? How about today?
Continuing to drink will continue to cause problems.
Why not commit to stopping, once and for all.
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This is one of the things that you have no control over. You were drinking with this woman numerous times and now you find that she knows your boss. You have no control over the situation at this point. She may or may not talk to your boss about you.
I think you will continue having these kinds of anxiety attacks until you stop drinking.
I think you will continue having these kinds of anxiety attacks until you stop drinking.
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Originally Posted by Anna 
This is one of the things that you have no control over. You were drinking with this woman numerous times and now you find that she knows your boss. You have no control over the situation at this point. She may or may not talk to your boss about you. I think you will continue having these kinds of anxiety attacks until you stop drinking.
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Originally Posted by FreeOwl
You know what? If you just don't drink.... and choose a life of sobriety..... You'll never ever have to worry about things like this again.
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Originally Posted by FreeOwl
just because someone says something you don't like, doesn't mean it's not offered in love and support....
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Look...I KNOW I have been absolutely insane this year! October 24th will mark exactly one year since my relapse. I know I have been full of drama, fear, anxiety, anger, confusion etc etc. I'm sure if I have been driving myself crazy then I've been driving everyone else crazy too!
I try to remember that it's the alcohol that makes me crazy! Almost a week ago I woke up with the worst hangover, looked in the mirror and hated what I saw! I decided right there and then I was DONE!!! I was sick and tired of being sick and tired! For the first time in my life (including my almost 6 years of sobriety), I wanted to stay sober for ME!
You see, the first time around....the courts & judge told me to get sober.... but I didn't really want to. I literally felt like I was serving a "prison sentence" during that long period of sobriety because "I" never wanted to be sober in the first place. I just did what I was told. I hated everyone who drank including family, friends, husband! It was like looking out a prison window for almost 6 years at people who were "free".
Anyway...last week, I finally said "I've had enough!". I want better for myself and my kids and husband. The drunk/drinking life is truly hell and there is NOTHING fun about it! I'm so grateful that I finally know that! A sense of peace has come over me.
At the same time...the early weeks of sobriety are full of fear and anxiety just to name a few things. I posted what I posted because I was reaching out for help.
Again, I know I have been crazy this year. One minute I'm going to AA, the next I'm not. Need advice every 5 minutes etc etc. What I wasn't realizing is that I just needed to STOP drinking! I guess I wasn't ready until last week. I appreciate all of the support you all of given me this last year and I promise to pay it forward.
Thx for not giving up on me and loving me even when I didn't love myself. ***Sorry if I was rude bimiblue & Anna. Xoxo
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I try to remember that it's the alcohol that makes me crazy! Almost a week ago I woke up with the worst hangover, looked in the mirror and hated what I saw! I decided right there and then I was DONE!!! I was sick and tired of being sick and tired! For the first time in my life (including my almost 6 years of sobriety), I wanted to stay sober for ME!
You see, the first time around....the courts & judge told me to get sober.... but I didn't really want to. I literally felt like I was serving a "prison sentence" during that long period of sobriety because "I" never wanted to be sober in the first place. I just did what I was told. I hated everyone who drank including family, friends, husband! It was like looking out a prison window for almost 6 years at people who were "free".
Anyway...last week, I finally said "I've had enough!". I want better for myself and my kids and husband. The drunk/drinking life is truly hell and there is NOTHING fun about it! I'm so grateful that I finally know that! A sense of peace has come over me.
At the same time...the early weeks of sobriety are full of fear and anxiety just to name a few things. I posted what I posted because I was reaching out for help.
Again, I know I have been crazy this year. One minute I'm going to AA, the next I'm not. Need advice every 5 minutes etc etc. What I wasn't realizing is that I just needed to STOP drinking! I guess I wasn't ready until last week. I appreciate all of the support you all of given me this last year and I promise to pay it forward.
Thx for not giving up on me and loving me even when I didn't love myself. ***Sorry if I was rude bimiblue & Anna. Xoxo
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Originally Posted by Anna
Some posts have been removed. Please keep personal comments to PM. And, use the Ignore function if you don't want to read someone's responses.
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So your an alcoholic and you suspect she is too.
Alchy code usually prevents us from dropping each other in the crap.
It's an unwritten code, but having drank for 32 years, I never once got dropped in it by a fellow alcoholic.
It was always those pesky do gooder social drinker types.
It's a bit like the first rule of fight club.
First rule of alcoholic drinking is, you do not talk about alcoholic drinking.
Or deliberately drop other alchys in the crap when sober, because then people, bosses for instance, put two and two together... If she drops you in, how does she know all this and what was she doing hanging around a bar in the early hours of the morning etc when all the social drinkers are home in bed.
Your safe as houses in my experience, stop stressing.
Alchy code usually prevents us from dropping each other in the crap.
It's an unwritten code, but having drank for 32 years, I never once got dropped in it by a fellow alcoholic.
It was always those pesky do gooder social drinker types.
It's a bit like the first rule of fight club.
First rule of alcoholic drinking is, you do not talk about alcoholic drinking.
Or deliberately drop other alchys in the crap when sober, because then people, bosses for instance, put two and two together... If she drops you in, how does she know all this and what was she doing hanging around a bar in the early hours of the morning etc when all the social drinkers are home in bed.
Your safe as houses in my experience, stop stressing.
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Originally Posted by Hawks
So your an alcoholic and you suspect she is too. Alchy code usually prevents us from dropping each other in the crap. It's an unwritten code, but having drank for 32 years, I never once got dropped in it by a fellow alcoholic. It was always those pesky do gooder social drinker types. It's a bit like the first rule of fight club. First rule of alcoholic drinking is, you do not talk about alcoholic drinking. Or deliberately drop other alchys in the crap when sober, because then people, bosses for instance, put two and two together... If she drops you in, how does she know all this and what was she doing hanging around a bar in the early hours of the morning etc when all the social drinkers are home in bed. Your safe as houses in my experience, stop stressing.
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We're in this with you Serenidad. These early weeks are tough stuff, I can definitely relate. Personally, I'm really trying to focus on the promise of the future (for example, traveling again next summer and planning that) and trying to let history slide away. Easier said than done though. Especially in these early weeks. I am finding the anxiety diminishing though, and most importantly for me is the release of shame and guilt.
Keep strong!
Keep strong!
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Originally Posted by Anna
Serenidad, recovery is a process and it sounds like you're ready for a fresh start. There is always hope and we never give up. 
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