james186

I went to the one place I was expecting to struggle with because I felt obligated and ended up drinking. Annoyed with myself is not even close to describing how I'm feeling! It's 06:30 here, no sleep and feeling like crap, but luckily I didn't get totally out of control drunk and avoided the spirits which usually set me off on a bender. I obviously cannot be in that environment yet and need to be selfish to stay sober. Straight back on the wagon this morning and back to day 1

I feel like I've let people down on here, which I don't want to do as everybody has been great. I'm even more determined to quit than before now.

Dee74

You didn't let me down James.

I think a lot of us realised we needed to do a lot more than we figured we might in order to stay sober.

It really is a total commitment I think - but it will pay off, if you stick to it.

The only real obligation I have is to my own well-being

D

least

I hope this will be your last day one.

MavisTheFairy13

Don't beat yourself up, at least you are back here posting again. I fell at day 9 on my first go and was so annoyed with myself that I kind of gave up and then slipped on day 1 and day 2, so don't let your slip demotivate you, take it as a lesson learned and just carry on

Soberwolf

No point looking back cant change anything

plus your walking forward with your head looking the wrong way not good for the neck

were all here for you james you can do this brother

my brother landed at mine yesterday hes just had a 4 month relapse and im just being there for him

if i can help in any way get in touch

your doing great by talking about it dont bottle it up

good luck james

luvmygirls

James, you did the right thing by posting here. I really think that early sobriety (at least in my limited and humble experience) is a time of trial and error and experimentation. What I've learned in my very short sober time is that I have to respect my limits. As an alcoholic, that's something I'm not very good at doing, but I'm working on it. That's all that anyone can do. Well, that and learn from the times we fall down. Take care, we're here for you.

sprout50

You can't change the one day relapse. But you can change today, tomorrow etc....Dust yourself off and try again.

LBrain

Every time we realize the negative effect of trying to drink again, we become stronger in our resolve to stay quit.
Make this resolve stronger than any desire to test the waters again.
You don't ever have to drink again. You already know this.

PurpleKnight

Learning and changing up your plan is the best way forward!!

Don't beat yourself up, go at things again with what you know now.

You can do this!!

HeadLump

So pleased you came straight back to us, James. There'll always be love and support for you here

biminiblue

Day nine was my hardest day. That was the only day I called the phone numbers I got in AA because I felt I was going to drink.

I haven't felt that out of control with my drink cravings since.

james186

Thanks for the kind words everybody, I know where I went wrong - Too much too quick...I didn't stick to the plan I had in place and found myself wading out into the deep water without knowing.

AnvilheadII

found myself wading out into the deep water without knowing

must keep arm floaties on and inflated at ALL time, James! now ya know!

islandgrrl

Hey James, good for you for coming back here right away. I don't think you let anyone down but yourself and that is such a great sign because you're aware and not making excuses. I know it's hard to keep on mind sometimes but your biggest obligation is to yourself and your health. You handled your lapse well. Keep up the good work.

jryan19982

Hey man, I am sure we have ALL failed at one point in time in getting sober. I did 14 days ago after being sober for just under a week. Man if that day had not happened I would have been sober for 21 days and counting... Dont worry about it too much, you know you want to stop and you know you are serious. Stick to what got you to day 9.

Personally for me, it has been avoiding bars all together even if friends were just getting dinner (and a drink- one drink)... Its not worth it to me to fall into the same trap I fell into last time. Because let me tell you, it was much harder to get out of.

FreeOwl

Here's the thing... it wasn't because you felt obligated. It was because you didn't fully commit yourself to sobriety.

Nobody can make you drink. You have no obligation to drink. You owe nobody the act of pouring poison that takes control of your life down your throat.

You didn't "end up drinking". You chose to drink. You probably even chose it on some level before you found yourself in the moment - if only by default through failing to choose sobriety fully.

You haven't let me down, or anyone else here. And you did do the right thing coming on here and posting about it and seeking to learn from this experience.

Just don't make it something it wasn't. Look it honestly in the face and then look yourself honestly in the face and ask yourself if you are ready to really commit yourself to choosing sobriety.

If the answer is yes, then take action right now and get out a piece of paper and while this is still fresh.... write down - just for yourself - what you have really learned from this experience and how you can use it to help honor your commitment to sobriety going forward.

ScottFromWI

What exactly was your plan James? You need to start being honest with yourself my friend. Can you honestly look in the mirror and tell yourself you didn't know what would happen if you went out?