Readysteady

It been awhile since I've posted, but alcoholic brother relapsed after almost a year "sober". Here's a shortened rundown. Last yr after 3 relapses they said his liver and pancreas barely made it. He never wanted to go by the rules and didn't go to counseling. He was on a methadone program for pain and missed a couple of days doses, which then they boot you out. So he went through withdrawals from that and turned to alcohol again. He keeps saying we should all be nice but every conversation turns into an argument that he says I start. (Sometimes i do get mad but im human and i come back to earth pretty quick) And wants me to hang with him often and blows my phone up when I'm not with him.

Here's the clincher......He's been recording conversations and said if I don't keep him supplied and "keep starting arguments" with him he will post them publicly. And he could very well edit or show a clip where he acts calm while I'm yelling or other less than flattering recordings. I'm litterally quite sick now. Even when I spend a night away he says that's gonna make it worse for me.

AnvilheadII

Even when I spend a night away he says that's gonna make it worse for me.
this is your BROTHER? that's just way too creepy.......

MIRecovery

I would talk to a mental health professional who specializes in relationship issues as they relate to addicton. There are too many problems to address without professional help including safety, legal, and emotional

Readysteady

Yes I've made phone calls out the ** trying to get him professional help. He is extremely uncooperative though. Always has been. He's irrational yet clever at the same time.

Readysteady

Ya think? I don't mind talking with him now and then as know people get lonely. But I feel surrounded by him. Have spent so much time on talks that go nowhere and usually end up ugly.

53500

He's gonna post clips where?

File a police report. He's threatening you. And I'm pretty sure it is illegal to record conversations without the consent of the person being recorded.

Readysteady

On youtube and facebook.
He would often say, "this is being recorded". Don't know if that matters. I know I do NOT consent to him posting them tho. He said, "even if I have to remove them they will still be seen by your friends and the public before that".

Ursula745

Get professional help for YOU. You can't make him get any.
You should probably contact the police and an attorney to see what you can do.

Readysteady

[QUOTE=Ursula745;4938431]Get professional help for YOU. You can't make him get any.
You should probably contact the police and an attorney to see what you can

Thanks I called the police station and they said I could file a complaint with the commissioner. And yes I do have to look out for myself. He's been blackmailing me to keep him supplied with booze til he dies and to "keep me in line". Gonna ask if I should first tell him I can file the complaint or just do it. Unbelieveable stress....Worrying to death about him and he's making life hell. What a combo!

ladyscribbler

Just file the complaint. This is one of the craziest things I've ever heard. Even if he did post this stuff to FB and YouTube, what would really happen? I mean honestly? It's hard to imagine you're the only person on earth who knows he has substance abuse issues.

Readysteady

What is it thats crazy? Him threatening to do it or me worrying about it? Isn't about him being shown, it's about me and our dad. He's shown me a clip of our dad going ape***t and said he knows that would definitely not be good if his friends saw it. Who knows what he's recorded of me. Yes I've yelled at times (been as calm as can be lately) cause it's just so crazy. But he probably has clips of me in recent months venting to him about my boss/job and other things....who knows what? Just wondering has me sick......sick on top of being sick about his health. But I gotta look after me now.

ladyscribbler

Your brother's behavior is crazy. It seems like you and your family are used to being held hostage by his threats. Not criticizing. Living with an active alcoholic made me lose perspective on what was normal behavior and what was not, so I understand.

Readysteady

Na it's cool, I just needed clarification, thanks. Thing is, I would've definitely taken action a long time ago but dad holds the ultimate authority and often gets agitated with me when I'd talk about it. It makes the whole thing much more complex. He has never worked with me to give ultimatums about counseling, joining activities and such. I'm basically powerless. He's been in the hospital at least 15 times in the past few years due to health issues from drinking. A plan was never followed through.

MIRecovery

Yes help for you. There are some serious boundary and codependency issues that need to be addressed

Readysteady

I would agree. I would've taken action and followed through with a plan 10 hospital trips ago.... if I had the authority. He knows the health ramifications if he drank again.

ShootingStar1

The Authority is with your brother to manage his own life as he sees fit, and that is exactly what he is doing.

Your right and your obligation to yourself is to figure out what you need to do and to do to flourish and life a happy life.

You don't have to, and you can't fix anyone else. Not even a brother. An Alanon saying that gets repeated often here is:

You didn't cause it;
You can't control it, and
You can't cure it.

There is a healthy happy self sufficient life for you outside the tentacles of the tangled family dysfunction and boundaries you are caught up in. A book that helped a lot of us is Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beattie.

Hang around here on SoberRecovery, read the "stickies" (permanent posts at the top of the Families and Friends of Alcoholics forum index), and post as often as you want. We're here for you, and lots of us have been where you are now, and there is a good way out.

ShootingStar1

Readysteady

Thank you so much! I do feel bad tho when I'd come home late at night and be agitated when he'd want me to hang (altho I have hung with him many times) or would be moody in the morning before work. But I get where you're coming from.

hopeful4

This person is toxic, I would stay as far away from his as possible.

You cannot control his recovery. It's a sad fact that some people have no bottom.

Get that face to face support for YOU!

dionysos803

Wow, I'm sorry for all the crazy you are dealing with. And after you mentioned the fact of possible recordings regarding venting about work, I understand exactly why you are hesitant in allowing the threat to materialize. Because if it were just personal attacks on him, you could justify it. But other conversations not directed at his situation can be manipulated to cause issues other than judgement on your verbal asult on an addict.
Although your brother may have recordings of conversations you do not want made public, how lucid is he throughout the day? Would they even be coherent enough to take those recordings, edit them and post them somewhereven online and have enough time to try and get that content in front of your peers? Just because it gets posted doesn't mean people will see it. Does he have share any mutual friends that are co-workers of yours?

Readysteady

Yes he does have mutual friends on Facebook. He friended most of my friends whereas I'm more selective on who I friend. As for being lucid, he's remarkably sharp a good bit of the time. He's been acing his video games. He also said that he checked and legally he can post the videos and the world will see what a "maniac" I am. I don't know tho. He's really off the rails lately. Very aggressive, taunting, saying i said things I didn't say. This morning he banged on my door and demanded I talk to him. Last night he banged on walls and told our dad it must've been me. "Said he's prepared for the challenge" and is a smart "em effer". Said "keep effing with me". What??? I was asleep.
I ate nothing yesterday or today yet.