MavisTheFairy13

Don't know what happened yesterday. Depression got the better of me and I drank last night. Not a huge amount, didn't make me feel better, didn't even get tipsy. So completely pointless and back to square one again.
Going away for short break tomorrow so hoping that will break the cycle. So disappointed in myself

MythOfSisyphus

Don't beat yourself up, Mavis. Just figure out how to do better next time. Part of sobriety is learning other ways to cope besides drinking.

Eshgham

Drinking a little is still better than drinking a lot. You've obviously made progress which is awesome. Tomorrow is another day, good luck.

Chilledice

Tomorrow is a new day , we CAN do this

You do know what happened, depression got the better of you, is there any help you can get for that? You are always welcome to share your problems here with us anytime you feel low or upset , we are here for ya

Dee74

Is it like clinical depression, or 1st day not drinking depression, Mavis?

D

MavisTheFairy13

Thanks guys - you are all amazing.
My depression is clinical. Have lived with it since I was 15 so almost 30 years. On antidepressants and they do help but they cause other problems at the same time.

We have a child with special needs and no support from family so it's hard. I've always been a loner and felt like I didn't fit in and that hasn't changed as I've got older. Been self medicating with drink in the evenings at home for probably the past 9 years apart from when I was pregnant with my son and breastfeeding when I didn't drink. I've had a lot of loss and don't think I've grieved properly for a lot of it. So basically pretty screwed up lol!

I'm starting to think ill get to old age and look back on a wasted life. Apart from my children. I nearly died when my mother was having me, then she had severe pnd and neglected me so I had to be taken away, and it's been in the back of my mind all these years that I wasn't really meant to be here. A lot of the time I feel completely invisible, insignificant and irrelevant.

MythOfSisyphus

That's the beauty of sobriety! You can make something more of the rest of your life sober. I'm about the same age as you and drank for my entire adult life. I feel like my sober second act is a kind of rebirth.

Dee74

Yeah alcohol may seem like a viable treatment option but it often just makes depression worse - it did with me - and your anti depressants won't work worth a damn either.

A lot of us have baggage to work through...and most of us instinctively think we need to deal with the baggage before we stop the drinking...and our addiction is completely on board with that cos it buys us time to keep drinking......

I actually think it's the other way around tho - deal with the drinking first.

I was nowhere near capable of looking at my past and dealing with it when I was drinking...but after I was sober for a while I had a much clearer perspective, and I learned how to actually *deal* with things sober.

It's not easy, and its not comfortable...but then neither is our drinking lives..

I found the fear of dealing with things was far greater than the experience of actually dealing with them...and you're not alone

I hope you decide to give it a try Mavis

D

Chilledice

I couldn't agree more!

I realised that the trauma, the sadness all the negative things in my life can NEVER be sorted whilst I am still drinking! All I am focusing on right now is staying sober and alive, once the alcoholic fog lifts and I get used to sobriety I will then tackle my demons. For now tho just staying sober!

Mags1

Hi Mavis, I believed drink was the answer to all my problems but just enlarged them all. Now I'm sober, like everyone else I still have problems but the way I deal and cope with them are so much clearer without the foggy brain of booze.

Soberwolf

Hi Mavis sorry if i sound presumptious but i know your going to beat this just keep at it your stronger than you realise you have already had 8 days that speaks volumes !!!

i always used to think of my problems like 1 big mountain and in the end i metaphorically 'blew' the mountain up and i take my problems on 1 small rock at a time

if i ever felt like having a drink i would fast forward to when i wanted to stop again....put me right off drinking

i done anythhinhg to be sober AA, group therapy (voluntry) and i seen a street team that specialise in alcoholism

everybody is diffrent and i welcome and respect that

by just being here M you prove you want this to stop

big hugs and im glad i got my anti X-factor buddy at sr boooooooo to X-factor

You can do this Mavis

MavisTheFairy13

Thank you all

I've googled the alcohol advice service in town, I used it once before but at the time I didn't have anyone to watch my son so it was really difficult to get there. Now he's at school I could go during the day. Will contact them when I get back from my break. Apparently as well as counselling they can offer hypnotherapy and acupuncture and I'm open to alternative therapies.

I'll also go to see my gp and get their advice.

I'll get there.

Soberwolf I think we should start a petition. Or at least an anti-x-factor group. Lol