Painful
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
Painful
Watching separated AH deteriorate and spiral down is as raw and painful as if can get. I am so sad that DD6 has to endure this. I am angry that my husbands alcoholism has progressed him into a man that I do not know at all.
As much pain as I am in I continue to pray for him because I know he is suffering more than I am. As much as it hurts, I would rather be in this pain making right choices for my daughter than living like him, in denial. It is gut wrenching for the person I shared my life with to now use all the things he knows about me and spew daggers at me now that we are going through a custody battle. He keeps telling me I am using DD6 and it makes me want to scream! I am protecting her. I wonder if deep down he knows I am right. Oh well I guess it does not matter.
I know it wont always be like this. But I know I have to just continue to focus on myself and my recovery. I am being the woman I have always wanted to be now! Thank you SR friends for all your support.
As much pain as I am in I continue to pray for him because I know he is suffering more than I am. As much as it hurts, I would rather be in this pain making right choices for my daughter than living like him, in denial. It is gut wrenching for the person I shared my life with to now use all the things he knows about me and spew daggers at me now that we are going through a custody battle. He keeps telling me I am using DD6 and it makes me want to scream! I am protecting her. I wonder if deep down he knows I am right. Oh well I guess it does not matter.
I know it wont always be like this. But I know I have to just continue to focus on myself and my recovery. I am being the woman I have always wanted to be now! Thank you SR friends for all your support.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
I know he is suffering more than I am
He keeps telling me I am using DD6
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Washington
Posts: 21
Iamthird, I'm so sorry you're going through this pain. I have been praying a lot for my AH too. I think it's a good thing. But I have been reminded many times that I also have to pray for myself. So if I may suggest, don't forget to pray for yourself. It works for me.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
I am sorry that you are feeling sad. I understand both the sadness and the anger.
One thing you might want to keep in mind is that he is CHOOSING this deterioration. He is CHOOSING to not help himself. He is CHOOSING to suffer and have his family suffer the consequences of HIS alcoholism.
I am sure that you already know these things, but sometimes it is really important for us to remember that A's CHOOSE the easiest path for themselves (i.e. not get help, etc...). Even if he was the most wonderful man on the planet, the fact that his choices have led him to where he and you are today is on him. He might never have been the great man you remember. I am guessing if he was the great man you remember him to be that he would not have made the choices he has.
For me I struggled to see the WHOLE person he was, even in the past. I saw the good and minimized the bad.
Hugs
One thing you might want to keep in mind is that he is CHOOSING this deterioration. He is CHOOSING to not help himself. He is CHOOSING to suffer and have his family suffer the consequences of HIS alcoholism.
I am sure that you already know these things, but sometimes it is really important for us to remember that A's CHOOSE the easiest path for themselves (i.e. not get help, etc...). Even if he was the most wonderful man on the planet, the fact that his choices have led him to where he and you are today is on him. He might never have been the great man you remember. I am guessing if he was the great man you remember him to be that he would not have made the choices he has.
For me I struggled to see the WHOLE person he was, even in the past. I saw the good and minimized the bad.
Hugs
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