Sobertober - I wish!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Oxford
Posts: 4
Sobertober - I wish!
Hi All
I am new to the site, but have known for a long time I have an issue with alcohol - I have tried to shrug it off - but the reality is that recently my drinking escalated to an average of 1 bottle of wine and 2 - 4 beers a night!
I kind of realised how bad it was when I recently lied to a consultant - I told him I only drink 1 bottle a night - and even at that his eyes shot out on stalks! He said - What - On your own? I said, No - I drink with my husband - he said - well that's not quite so bad if you are sharing that much - I said, No - I drink the wine and he has a few beers or ciders! He was not impressed and I felt more ashamed than normal! (especially since I basically halved my real amount!)
Anyway - last weekend I decided to sign up for Go Sober this October as I realised something drastic had to be done and I would always make excuses - It's the weekend, I've had a bad day at work, it's a lovely hot day, I'm bored because I have been stuck inside all day because of the rain! Etc etc!
Day 1 of Sobertober was Wednesday - I hid a small (175ml) bottle of wine upstairs and drank it sneakily in the bath! Same again on Thursday! I still felt kind of good - I was not drinking a whole 700ml bottle AND some! - But Friday I did not get any and I really struggled! I felt angry and tearful.
Today I struggled most of the day (& I don't even usually start thinking about alcohol until about 5/6pm) and I have succumbed and am drinking a bottle of wine!
I feel so embarrassed that I could not even go one full day, let alone a whole month without alcohol! Even for charity!
I am new to the site, but have known for a long time I have an issue with alcohol - I have tried to shrug it off - but the reality is that recently my drinking escalated to an average of 1 bottle of wine and 2 - 4 beers a night!
I kind of realised how bad it was when I recently lied to a consultant - I told him I only drink 1 bottle a night - and even at that his eyes shot out on stalks! He said - What - On your own? I said, No - I drink with my husband - he said - well that's not quite so bad if you are sharing that much - I said, No - I drink the wine and he has a few beers or ciders! He was not impressed and I felt more ashamed than normal! (especially since I basically halved my real amount!)
Anyway - last weekend I decided to sign up for Go Sober this October as I realised something drastic had to be done and I would always make excuses - It's the weekend, I've had a bad day at work, it's a lovely hot day, I'm bored because I have been stuck inside all day because of the rain! Etc etc!
Day 1 of Sobertober was Wednesday - I hid a small (175ml) bottle of wine upstairs and drank it sneakily in the bath! Same again on Thursday! I still felt kind of good - I was not drinking a whole 700ml bottle AND some! - But Friday I did not get any and I really struggled! I felt angry and tearful.
Today I struggled most of the day (& I don't even usually start thinking about alcohol until about 5/6pm) and I have succumbed and am drinking a bottle of wine!
I feel so embarrassed that I could not even go one full day, let alone a whole month without alcohol! Even for charity!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
Welcome sobertoberfail,
Congrats on recognizing you have an issue like i do, and you're not going to ignore it or try to rationalize it or find others who are "worse" than you, or any of the other strategies that i used. It's good that you have noticed it and are determined to do something about it.
You just proved out your experiment: that it's really easy to quit tomorrow or sometime in the future. But it's really tough to quit today. That's because we always think the discomfort and the craving won't feel as bad tomorrow as they do today.
One thing i do is
(a) get by in 10 min and 30 min increments
(b) drink lots of Irish Breakfast tea
(c) go to bed early
(d) sit down when i feel really stressed, and just take a break.
SoberRecovery.com is a great place, you'll find lots of us have the same experiences as you. Keep posting!
Congrats on recognizing you have an issue like i do, and you're not going to ignore it or try to rationalize it or find others who are "worse" than you, or any of the other strategies that i used. It's good that you have noticed it and are determined to do something about it.
You just proved out your experiment: that it's really easy to quit tomorrow or sometime in the future. But it's really tough to quit today. That's because we always think the discomfort and the craving won't feel as bad tomorrow as they do today.
One thing i do is
(a) get by in 10 min and 30 min increments
(b) drink lots of Irish Breakfast tea
(c) go to bed early
(d) sit down when i feel really stressed, and just take a break.
SoberRecovery.com is a great place, you'll find lots of us have the same experiences as you. Keep posting!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome sober. Know that you aren't alone, many of us have been there before. SR is a great place to meet those that understand and also find support to help you quit. Have you tried any formal meetings or other support plans to quit yet? You can do this!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
Welcome!
There's always a reason/excuse to drink which I'm sure you know. The thing is you can learn to deal with those things without drinking. It takes some hard work, but you can do it. Since you said you drink in the evenings, it might be an idea to change your routine. Go out after supper, go for a walk, visit a friend, go for coffee, do something different than what you would normally do when you drink. You can do this!
There's always a reason/excuse to drink which I'm sure you know. The thing is you can learn to deal with those things without drinking. It takes some hard work, but you can do it. Since you said you drink in the evenings, it might be an idea to change your routine. Go out after supper, go for a walk, visit a friend, go for coffee, do something different than what you would normally do when you drink. You can do this!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Oxford
Posts: 4
Thank you all - Accepting Change - you are very right when you say Its easy to quit tomorrow but tough to quit today!
ScottfromWI I have not tried any meetings or support - mainly because I am too embarrassed and also - irrationally - I am terrified of bumping into someone I know! How daft is that? As surely if I do then they are there for the same reason as me?? I would just feel so humiliated if anyone who knew me knew what I drink! The only one who knows is my hubby.
Anna thanks for the tips - I have some things in place for next week - pilates and a dance class - plus I am working two evenings until late - I just need to be strong enough to go straight to bed after instead of having a drink after like normal! - or rather like I normally would - as what I normally drink is not normal!
ScottfromWI I have not tried any meetings or support - mainly because I am too embarrassed and also - irrationally - I am terrified of bumping into someone I know! How daft is that? As surely if I do then they are there for the same reason as me?? I would just feel so humiliated if anyone who knew me knew what I drink! The only one who knows is my hubby.
Anna thanks for the tips - I have some things in place for next week - pilates and a dance class - plus I am working two evenings until late - I just need to be strong enough to go straight to bed after instead of having a drink after like normal! - or rather like I normally would - as what I normally drink is not normal!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Whitehaven UK
Posts: 221
Addressing you have an issue is the first step to getting well
The doctor looking ashamed should be sacked in my opinion , anyway don't put yourself Dow alcohol is a cunning, baffling addiction that is a real beast to beat but with determination and help you can get there
Being on this site will help also
Try seeing a doctor who has experience and empathy who you can be honest with and chat try AA or another support group
Well done for addressing your issues so far that's the hardest Step
Charlotte
The doctor looking ashamed should be sacked in my opinion , anyway don't put yourself Dow alcohol is a cunning, baffling addiction that is a real beast to beat but with determination and help you can get there
Being on this site will help also
Try seeing a doctor who has experience and empathy who you can be honest with and chat try AA or another support group
Well done for addressing your issues so far that's the hardest Step
Charlotte
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 425
Welcome Sober..
Oh yes it can be really tough that first day but there are always ways to get that first day under your belt.. I noticed you mentioned pilates & dance, well arrange it so you have to go in the evening even better if you drive.. It will give you focus that you can't have a drink because of that.. I use this a lot.. If I have a drink tonight I won't be able to go to the gym tomorrow, I get bad withdrawal!! so far it has worked when i have had a craving & that lasts hardly 5 minutes.. I can't imagine you wanting a drink after exercise as the endorphins from that should kick in.. Obviously we are all different & may not work for everybody but it's a great tool for myself & another piece in the armoury against this... Wishing you well..
Oh yes it can be really tough that first day but there are always ways to get that first day under your belt.. I noticed you mentioned pilates & dance, well arrange it so you have to go in the evening even better if you drive.. It will give you focus that you can't have a drink because of that.. I use this a lot.. If I have a drink tonight I won't be able to go to the gym tomorrow, I get bad withdrawal!! so far it has worked when i have had a craving & that lasts hardly 5 minutes.. I can't imagine you wanting a drink after exercise as the endorphins from that should kick in.. Obviously we are all different & may not work for everybody but it's a great tool for myself & another piece in the armoury against this... Wishing you well..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Oxford
Posts: 4
Thanks Countryside girl & Jezza - it was me that was ashamed - the dr looked shocked! I can't say I blame him. Jezza I am afraid alcohol has consumed my evenings until recently and if I have been working (some nights to 11pm) I will still find time to have wine when I get home and if I have been exercising then my first thought after a shower is to open a beer - recently when I have not been working I will find an excuse not to exercise so I could drink instead - so I have signed up for the two classes that start this week as my theory is I have paid therefore I have to go! I would usually just drink quicker after if ive prolonged drinking due to an activity but I am hoping I will find the classes relaxing and enough of a distraction not to. I hope it doesnt sound like excuses - im just being honest about my habits until this last week - ie - regardless if I have been sat on my backside or sweating it off - all I have thought about is the alcohol at the end of it!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 425
Crumbs if I had told my Doctor how much i was drinking he would have had me booked in to the undertakers!!! Don't feel ashamed, whats done is done.. We have all been there & we must not dwell on it.. If we did, we would never stop.. All I can say is if you can just get that one day out of the way you will wake up in the morning & think WOW!!! If I can do 1 day, I can do 2, 3, a week etc etc.. This is a great place & to be honest I couldnt have stopped without the aid of it... read the post & post as much as you want, there is always somebody here & it will help crush those cravings.. You can do this!!
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
Welcome sobertober! Thank you for your post. I love your honesty, and I can relate to a lot of what you said (including drinking in the bathroom, ugh!) We are here for understanding and support. Take good care. 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 181
Originally Posted by sobertoberfail 
Thank you all - Accepting Change - you are very right when you say Its easy to quit tomorrow but tough to quit today!
ScottfromWI I have not tried any meetings or support - mainly because I am too embarrassed and also - irrationally - I am terrified of bumping into someone I know! How daft is that? As surely if I do then they are there for the same reason as me?? I would just feel so humiliated if anyone who knew me knew what I drink! The only one who knows is my hubby.
Anna thanks for the tips - I have some things in place for next week - pilates and a dance class - plus I am working two evenings until late - I just need to be strong enough to go straight to bed after instead of having a drink after like normal! - or rather like I normally would - as what I normally drink is not normal!
ScottfromWI I have not tried any meetings or support - mainly because I am too embarrassed and also - irrationally - I am terrified of bumping into someone I know! How daft is that? As surely if I do then they are there for the same reason as me?? I would just feel so humiliated if anyone who knew me knew what I drink! The only one who knows is my hubby.
Anna thanks for the tips - I have some things in place for next week - pilates and a dance class - plus I am working two evenings until late - I just need to be strong enough to go straight to bed after instead of having a drink after like normal! - or rather like I normally would - as what I normally drink is not normal!
There will come a time eventually when the drinking will become so unbearable that you won't be ashamed to run into someone you know, because you need or want help so badly. Trust me I'm there. Don't wait before it becomes so bad. Try going to a meeting and see how you like it. I wish you the best.
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