mtgbis

Hey, everyone. I'm up against a problem I'm hoping the community can help me with... I've been drinking pretty heavily for nearly ten years (I'm 28) and yet have still somehow managed to work my way into a very good job in the ad industry. After my last bender, just over a week ago, I decided that since I wasn't very busy at work, I'd call in sick and just get drunk. For five days. On vodka. On the sixth day (last Tuesday) I woke up sweating and shaking and realized I needed to go to the office or else. So I went. And of course, my coworkers were all very concerned, but believed my lie (or did a good job pretending to believe) that I was truly ill.

On Friday (yesterday) crazy from the anxiety of detoxing again, and paranoid everyone knew and I was just going to eventually lose my job anyway, I did the only brave thing I've done in forever - I went to HR, and told them I had a problem with alcohol and needed help. I'd already looked up the laws - they couldn't fire me if I hadn't been previously warned, they had to help. And they were nice and offered the standard things: getting to leave early for AA meetings or providing assistance with a therapist, stuff like that. But I was firm: I wanted time off to go to rehab, knowing I'd still have a job when I get back. And they agreed. I still have to pay for it, of course (the job isn't THAT cushy) but I could go.

Now I'm freaking out a little. Realizing that rehab programs START at 28 days (I guess I foolishly assumed I could go for two weeks) and struggling to find the right one, and knowing everyone I work with - if I'm gone that long - will pretty much know why I left (I told my mom this and she said "hey, no, maybe they'll think you just have cancer!", haha).

I'm also really worried of what it will do with my relationship with my boss. He's already aloof towards me (he has favorites, and I'm not one of them) and he is a true workaholic. Everyone should work all the time, in his opinion.

Four weeks off to him (a little over, since rehab wouldn't start til next Tuesday) would seem unsightly. So when I come back - if I go at all - everyone will know I was in rehab, and my boss may hate me.

This may sound petty. I know I'm very lucky to be a drunk with an existing job. But are there any others out there who left work for rehab and returned to the same workplace? Did people treat you differently? Weren't you terrified?

I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to call HR and say I don't need rehab, I'll take the therapist option.

The thing is, I've tried that.

I always fall back in the bottle.

I can't figure this out. Help me.

gratitude28

So sorry you are going through so much. It's wonderful that you have admitted you have a problem. I hope you don't lose your job, and it is great that they have offered you the time. But the truth is, your health and sobriety are #1. If you do lose the job, I know you will be bummed. But if you lose your life, the job is kind of unimportant...
So do what you need to do and come back a better man. Once you come back, you can prove that you are worth the time the company gave you.
Good luck and post when you can!
Beth

Anna

That's a very tricky decision.

I think your recovery comes first, and that you should do what you need to. But I would never personally, tell anyone I worked with about my alcoholism. There is far too much prejudice. Did you consider out-patient treatment? I hope that things work out for you with keeping your job.

GotGrace

I am impressed with you! I think you are really brave for facing this head-on at such a young age. Good for you.

I don't mean to come across as a Pollyanna, but maybe by going to rehab your boss's opinion of you will change for the better. Maybe not immediately, but once you return from rehab you will have the opportunity to show him a new you. This will be a great opportunity for you to show him that you are a person worth taking seriously.

For now, I think it is best to take it one day at a time. There is nothing you can do today to change what will happen with your boss in a month except to commit yourself to being healthy.

Good luck!

N3p3nth3

I just want to second that! It sounds like you are managing a very bold and strong approach. Congratulations!

Soberwolf

I want to third that

biminiblue

Right now you have the spinning thoughts of an active alcoholic, or one in early sobriety. With additional sober time, your thoughts will not be so confusing and intrusive.

Do the rehab, it's your life. Let the chips fall where they may. If you feel rehab is important, do that.

There are lots of other jobs. Maybe you will find a fresh start will be your choice when you are healthier, you know?

Jupiters

I agree with BB above,
Do the rehab (you said the therapist option didn't work anyways). Come back with a clearer head. Let the cards fall where they may and go from there.
If you don't go and choose therapy, you may end up losing it anyways.

ChloeRose63

You are brave and doing the right thing. Go get help now. Don't worry about your job. Worry about you and the new you that you will become. Something inside of you told you that you cannot live like that anymore...you were probably poisoning yourself. You have alot of living to do. Time to get things right and good things will come...good luck and keep in touch!

Wastinglife

I did the same thing once. I took a week off work so I could just sit at home and drink all day binge-watching TV shows on DVD sets. Of course, I only planned on taking the Monday off, but we all know how that turns out.

I could only take 2 days off max without a doctors note so I went to my doctor and made up a story about an illness and he gave me a note. However, my performance had been sliding for months and still drank a fifth of vodka every night. Eventually, paranoid that I was going to be fired, I resigned first. I had had multiple warnings and very poor performance reviews.

I wish I had asked for help and approached HR after that week. I continued for years drinking alcoholicly and my career never recovered. My advice is to go to rehab now and address your drinking. If you don't, you may end up losing your job anyway the next time you call in sick.

JasonNorth

My immediate reaction was "What the hell did he tell his company for? he's just given his boss a cast iron reason to not like you even more & he will be watching him like a hawk"

But then after my knee jerk response I think, good for you, well done for taking the bull by the horns. You are only 28 & have plenty of time to sort this out & this must be your priory. A week off to drink vodka at 28???? can you imagine what you'll be doing at 38? if you even make 38

This has to be number one priority. Sounds like you have a supportive mum & HR are on your side.

so do the rehab & get your head sorted & then get back & whip the **** out of that job by being the best you can be & giving them no reason to do anything other than to keep you on.

Watch out for that boss though. If you're not his favourite now, you've just given him a new reason to not to want you in his team & he'll will be looking for reasons to trip you up.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

ArtFriend

I am not sure if it's the same in LA, but here in Dallas they have IOP or Intensive Out Patient therapy. Basically it involves going to meetings (not AA) 3-4 times a week for 3 hours at a time for 8 weeks. Some offer meetings in the evening and weekends so people who work can keep their jobs. It is a lot of time and commitment, but it is an alternative to inpatient rehab. Check it out.

BBQBOY

I only wish I had gone to rehab earlier than I did. I also was a "functional alcohol dependent employee" I thought. Well I was functional as long as I kept the drinking under control. But we all know that is impossible to do for too long( I kept it hidden for 10 years). I had to go to my boss and explain the situation (no HR, small company) and he did not understand. I was firm with my decision, I had to go to a 28 day rehab to get my s--t together. He said "ok" but my job might not be there when I get back. Well during my time at rehab, my boss had become more informed of this malady we all deal with. After my "graduation" for my rehab, he and the company welcomed me back. I'm still with the company today, some 8 yrs later. I think most of the other employees (the boss is no longer here) have forgotten. I will never forget...go to rehab and take care of yourself, you will forget your quality time there.

melki

My gut reaction to reading this was to tell you to follow through on what you started. It was a brave thing to do, and you obviously have the guts and wits to carry through. It must be terrifying and very difficult for you now. Whatever you decide, please know that you have everything within you to stop drinking. If the therapist option didn't work for you before, you need to find something that will. Getting sober must be an absolute priority because if you don't have that, you will lose everything else eventually anyway. Keep us posted. Wishing you the very best!

Mountainmanbob

Yes, and I was a much better worker since I was clean and sober. In short time my supervisor was more than pleased with me and even thought it to be best to let me go to a morning AA meetings on company time.

Yes, in most cases everyone will know that you went to rehab

but

It all blows over in short time -- if we continue to do the right things.

MM

EJ43

Hi mt! Wow, you already did the hard part and asked
For help!!!! Just a different perspective, but maybe your boss is aloof because you come to work stinking of booze and although you have worked yourself into a good job, maybe he/she knows that you could be BETTER!!! Maybe doing this will bring about some respect you may be lacking at work?? I know I worked a
Professional job wreaking of booze and people knew.

ANewDayNYC

If people judge someone for being honest and asking for help and trying to better themselves, it says something about them. Just do what is best for you.

Ruby2

Well, a couple of years ago now I called my supervisor on a Sunday afternoon while I was drunk. I flat out told her I was an alcoholic and needed to go into rehab. I had no idea what her reaction would be or whether I'd have a job the next day. But I didn't get fired. I went to detox the following day and then rehab. You did it the smarter way by going to HR. I was out of the office for a month. When I returned people welcomed me back but didn't really probe where I had been.

I think it depends on the office atmosphere. No one except HR should know where you are/were. And your immediate boss. Coworkers of the same "rank" shouldn't. You are taking time off for personal reasons, family emergency, etc. you don't have to brand yourself with the "A" word. If someone isn't satisfied with your answer that you were attending to personal business, you have no obligation whatsoever to satisfy their curiosity. It's something you "don't wish to discuss".

Good luck. I wasn't in rehab for 28 days. It was more 16 because of insurance approval, etc. but it was time very well spent. I applaud your decision.

Ruby2

You asked about professional alcoholism which I at first laughed at because I certainly didn't get paid to drink so much but now understand your question. I'm an attorney for a public sector employer.

paloverde

Yes I've been there, I was put on unpaid 30 day suspension and a mandatory outpatient program. I still work for the same company. Embarassing yes, but it can be done.

If I were your boss I would be impressed that you took the initiative to seek help on your own before something bad happened. Especially if you successfully followed through, returned to work, and became a vital part of the business.